Wednesday, September 29, 2004

"It is not enough to be a good player, you must also play well."
Siegbert Tarrasch

Howdy all, thanks for stopping by. And although this will be a quick crappy post, I once again state my poker blog credo:

Destroying Workplace Production One Poker Post at a Time.

And so, anyone working right now, go hit this 20 questions site and kill some time. A hoist of the Guinness to Grubette for the link. Safe for work and purty good coding.
20 Questions

How the hell did it know what a wiffleball was?

K, I gotta bang this out quick. My humble apologies that this post isn't up to my normal standards but I'm pressed for time. My MRI came back with bad results and I'm now looking at shoulder surgery in a few weeks. As if life couldn't get more insane, this shit happens. Ugh.

It was just a matter of time, folks: Poker player BobbleHeads. A jump the shark moment? Or brilliant marketing? Hell, probably both but I still might have to buy one, even thought they aren't offering a Phil Helmuth one. They are currently offering Mel Judah, Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, David "Devil Fish" Ulliott, Men "The Master" Nguyen, Humberto Brenes, Johnny Chan, T.J. Cloutier, Scotty Nguyen, and Amir Vahedi.

Oh the humanity.

Anyway, first and foremost, let's link up the poker bloggers who met this past weekend in AC. We've got plenty of kickass Trip Reports between these guys. I sure wish I had been there. So go enjoy the tales of poker & booze debauchery at AlCan'tHang, Pauly's, PokerGrubby's, BG's & Cubans. Some great stories - go read them NOW.

As an added bonus, we have the Patron Saint of poker bloggers, Wil Wheaton with three new poker posts about playing at the Mirage poker room in Las Vegas. All of the above are must reads, but you already knew that. Hell, even Daniel Negreaneau reads Wil and so should you.

Let's announce this next, shall we:

The next poker blogger and their readers tournament:
October 21st, Thursday, at 9pm EST.
Poker Stars

Anyone got a name for this tourney? Shall we just call it the Poker Blogger tourney or what? Let me know if you have any ideas....

Best of all, no need to email me or any of that crap. The tournament will show up ahead of time and you can simply register with a password. As the Poker Gods intended it, damnit.

Hit my archives, I've said it many times. Poker Stars has the best software and customer support, hands down. I've played there since beta. That's why I managed to scoop the name 'Guinness' on there.

I just assume everyone has an account on Poker Stars. If not, please feel free to use my link or not. If you dig this humble poker blog, I hope you do, at any rate. But doesn't matter, either way. I only hope we have a decent turnout. Again, bloggers AND readers can play. The bloggers have won every time thus far, so we're still waiting for a reader to step up and win one.

And yes, as promised, we WILL have a celebrity playing with us. Woohoo! He will be playing incognito, so good luck guessing his identity. Hell, I don't even know his screen name. I just hope XXX our mystery player ends up winning the damn thing and blogging about it.

Moving on, I enjoyed playing o8 with the bloggers last evening, in honor of Al's birthday. Funny, funny stuff.

And for the first time ever, a player recognized my chat at Party Poker and I was outed. I enjoy slumming at the 50.1 table sometimes with blogger buddies. Plus I can see about 60% of the flops and just try to river other players. This was after an awful river beat. Thanks to Hel1xx for grabbing this chat:

castlerock69: iggy?
iggy: XXXX
iggy: i've been outed.

Per his request: Heya Castlerock! :) I also hit a Royal Flush later on that evening. Better lucky than good, I always say.

The new CardPlayer Poker Magazine is out. Go read Daniel Negraneau and the rest.

But Hot Damn, check out this very Public calling out by Andy Beal to The Corporation, posted in the brand new column in Cardplayer, by Barry Shulman. Whoa, this is some funny stuff. For those of you who don't know the story here, please Google 'Andy Beal and The Corporation' and discover about the biggest poker game in the world.

I simply must quote the letter right here. It's just too good.


The World's Biggest Poker Game
by Barry Shulman

Ever since it opened its doors, Bellagio in Las Vegas has hosted the biggest poker game in the world.

Oftentimes it has been "built around" an affable gentleman from Texas, Andy Beal, who flies to Las Vegas and tackles one player at a time.

The biggest game, played May 12 and May 13, 2004, was $100,000-$200,000 limit hold'em. If you are new to the scene, that means that many pots are more than $1 million and heads-up play sometimes gets in as many as 75 hands per hour.

Andy recently phoned me and expressed frustration with what he said were mischaracterizations in recent news accounts of his poker games. He said he wanted to somehow set the record straight, and asked me to publish his open letter below.

From The Desk Of Andy Beal

Dallas, Texas

Date: September 2004

To: Doyle Brunson, Chip Reese, Todd Brunson, Jennifer Harman, Howard Lederer, Chau Giang, Barry Greenstein, Ted Forrest, Gus Hansen, Lee Salem, John Hennigan, Ming La, Lyle Berman, Phil Ivey, Johnny Chan, Hamid Dastmalchi

I recently read a story in the New York Daily News that is an unfair mischaracterization of my recent poker experience in the "Big Game" played at Bellagio.

No mention was made that I won more than $10 million in the largest game ever played, $100,000-$200,000 limit hold'em, on May 12 and 13, 2004. No mention was made of the fact that most of the above-mentioned professional players have substantial overall individual net losses after having played many hours against me. I concede that I am a net overall loser in the Bellagio games, although the extent of my losses is often exaggerated and mischaracterized.

These stories have become like fishermen's tales, in which the fish is always getting bigger every time the story is told. I spent four years learning the game from the best. Does it surprise anyone that I was an overall net loser during that period? Now, you want to reduce the stakes and refuse to continue to play at the previous betting limits. Does it surprise anyone that I have little interest in traveling to play in smaller games? My interest has always been the intellectual challenge of competing with the best, in games in which the amount bet is material to the people involved. I have played the best in the largest game ever played, and I won. I had a great time and a wonderful experience, but I have little interest in continuing to play the game, because of the time commitment and travel required to maintain excellence.

Call me naïve (I've been called worse), but I believe that I am the favorite in a heads-up limit high-stakes game against most of you. For the record, I challenge you to put up or shut up about your "professional play." Come to Dallas and play me for four hours a day and I will play until one of us runs out of money or cries uncle. If your play is so great and your wins have been as large as you claim, you should have plenty of bankroll and be jumping at the chance to come and play another $100,000-$200,000 game and win a lot more money. I should add that you can bring your own independent dealers and your own cards, and can play in a different location of your choice every day if you wish. You should provide a slate of any six or more of the above players and I will pick from your slate who plays. Observers should be free to attend in order to record exactly what happens at this game, so it won't turn into another fisherman's story.

My money says you will decline, and that says it all. If you accept, the resulting game will say it all. Either way, I will get to stop reading fishermen's stories.

Andy Beal

P.S. This challenge is for now (starting September 2004), not weeks, months, or years from now.

That's unprecedented. Calling them all out.
Methinks Andy has jumped plateau's. And it's quite possible he could break them all.

They should put THAT freaking game on TV. Screw this WPT stuff.

Damn, where to go from there?

How about this awesome bit of prophesy I've forgotten about from Jesse May. This was written and posted in September of 2002, right before the poker explosion.

The decline in cash game poker around the country points towards the
sport of poker's evolution, not to its decline. That's why the new Poker Million should not be looked at as a burden to the existing poker schedule, but instead as a welcome addition.

The problem with poker today has nothing to do with a cluttered schedule. The problem with poker is the profit model by which poker is run. It is a profit model which is absolutely outdated, constricting poker under the confines of "casino game", when poker is in fact a popular sport of skill, like golf. The current profit
model for poker is one that sees casinos running poker tournaments because of the money they will make in tournament fees and side games.

It is a profit model that forces the best players in the sport to make their living thru money won from other players in the sport, money that comes up thru the cash game ranks, money that the casinos are already dipping into. It is a profit model that squeezes down.

Consider the profit model of professional golf. Golf courses hold tournaments because of revenues from television and corporate sponsors, money from which the tournament purses are funded. The top ranked players are qualified to play in the tournaments, and the best players earn a living from prize money in tournaments that they qualified to play in. The best players also earn money from sponsors who pay players because of the television coverage that their sport receives. This is a profit model that looks up for its profit, using the players as the stars who are showcasing their skill to generate the revenue by which the best players are paid.

Poker is not really that far off, and to suggest that poker still is far off is to be stuck in a rut. Under the table cameras really do make poker exciting to watch. The fan base is there. The tournaments are there. And the best players really are that good.

The future of professional poker is a world poker tour. The top ranked players will be qualified to play in tournaments on the tour, which will be shown on TV. The casinos that host the tournaments will generate the purses from television and sponsorship revenue, and players will earn money through endorsements. That is the future of poker, and while it has not been a to b to c, one day it will all seem
to have happened fast.

Both of the Poker Million events, while far from ideal, at least look towards the new profit model for poker. The first Poker Million had 250,000 pounds added in corporate sponsorship. The second Poker Million, the Poker Million - The Classics, while having no added money, also has no tournament fees. And because the field is
restricted, and because the television exposure will be maximum (six two hour shows on Friday evenings on Sky Sports with a six player table, and the final live on Sunday prime time), and because players are allowed to wear sponsor logos, for the first time prospective players really have a product of value to sell to a potential sponsor.

And depending on what the market values of those logos is, some players could find this tournament better value than any they've ever played in.

Jesse is an awful commentator on Late Nite Poker (thank you again, Mr. Halverson!) but he's one damn fine poker writer, imho.

I see that Party Poker is now OVER 60,000 players every night. Hell, go look back in my archives and see how I was drooling when they hit 20,000 last fall. It's truly insane and is showing zero signs of letting up. Bonus Code IGGY damnit. It's the Gold Rush of poker. Take a shot.

I found this Ultimate Bet poker blog written by John Vorhaus on the now running Aruba Classic.
The 2004 Ultimate Bet Poker Classic 3 in Aruba.

Matthew Hilger finally posted a follow-up in his series of Top 10 Mistakes in Online Poker. Check it out at Poker Pages: #6 Playing at Limits Too High in Relation to Their Bankroll

Jay Lovinger has an awful new poker column up. He sucks.
Damnit, why him with so many fine poker writers out there?
The Poker Mob mentality is rare

I know many people posted about the MSNBC online poker article about poker bots and cheating and blah blah blah. I suppose I didn't because I've been hearing this shit for years now.

But I'm going to keep my yap shut and simply acquiesce to a much smarter man than I, Alan Bostick, and his post in his poker blog, As I Please.

But this doesn't alter the fact that at this point in time the fish are biting, and there are more of them every day. There's enough money for all of us to win, bots, colluders, and the merely skilled and experienced players, right now.


And finally, best of all, a new post by Paul Phillips about his top NLH tournament poker players.

Thanks again for reading this humble poker blog. I'll be back with more in a day or two. And don't forget about the impending blogger tourney, damnit. Gonna be a ton of fun.

Allow me to leave you with the final two pieces of The Fish's Trip Report to Vegas, with lots of pro poker playes mentioned.

The Fish has Fun (Borgata Non-Tournament Trip Report=Part 1)
From: Dave L

I arrived at the Borgata on Wednesday afternoon to play in the 1500 NL
tourney on Thursday. After taking a brief nap in the room, met up with
Richard "Quiet Lion" Brodie, Kim "Tiltmom" Scheinberg, and Bruce "Don't know
his nickname, but he's a tiltboy" Hayek. For those of you that don't know
Richard, he not only wrote the original version of Microsoft Word, but he's
also appeared in such movies as "The Usual Suspects," American Beauty," and
the immortal film "K-Pax."

Anyway, Richard had promised to steak me for this trip, and steak me he did.
Had a wonderfully delicious meal at the Old Homestead steakhouse, complete
with Tanqueray ten martinis. As those of you who read Richard's blog know,
I was extremely pissed at him, as I now have an almost-full bottle of Bombay
Sapphire in my liquor cabinet that I likely will never drink.

I try one hand of Roshambo with a Tiltboy, and come up empty. Fucking
Rock... I shoulda gone with scissors.

True to his word, Brodie picked up the check, and I begin the trip up at
least $75, probably more. I love positive EV meals.

The next day I played in the 1500 (see trip report), and after busting out
played a bit of 40/80. It was a great table, but I wasn't able to
capitalize on the sloppy play quite as much as I would have liked. Still, I
cashed out up a few hundred, and grabbed dinner with Richard (who was still
in the tournament). When I returned from my meal, I got a seat at the exact
table. It was full of loose, but skilled players, and one rock (more on him

Brodie soon busts out, and he joins me at the table. While he did well, I
left down about $400.

Brodie introduces me to a few tournament pros, including (among many others,
but I've already dropped too many names in these reports ;)) Scott Fishman
and Josh Arieh, two players who I had absolutely no desire to meet. Having
said that, let me state on the record that both came across as very nice,
friendly people, and I am glad I met them. While I am still no fan of Dutch
Boyd's (and never will be), I learned my lesson in judging a person based on
what I know of his friends. He's a nice kid with a solid head for the game,
and I got to pick his brain a bit about his internet setup.

And Josh Arieh surprised me even more. He was extremely humble and contrite
about how he acted during the WSOP, and says that he learned a great deal
about how not to behave. He talked at length about his laydown of the
king-high flush (as well as his laydown of two pair (T9) earlier in the
tournament). So, I learned a lesson myself...to never judge someone based
on what you see on TV. Yes, he came across as a self-righteous pompous
prick during the telecasts, but there were some backstories involved that
never made Television. It doesn't quite justify his actions, but it also
doesn't justify my actions of condemning someone before ever meeting them
(except, of course, for Dutch ;)). Hopefully, we both learned from past
mistakes. It was my pleasure meeting him.

Eventually, Brodie and I cashed out, and I watched him play Video Poker at
$125/pop. It was interesting to see the various hosts and staff fawning
over this whale, who in the end cashed out with a bit of the Casino's money.

I made my way back down to the poker room, hoping to play in a super for the
2500, but alas I missed my opportunity, and instead sat at the same 40/80
game, which was populated by pretty much the same players (save one
god-awful woman who played every hand no matter what).

Anyway, I had established a reputation as a Rock, and the started calling me
"Dusty" in reference to the Dust that was collecting on my chips. (They had
been playing hyper-aggressive poker, and I had been sitting back and picking
my spots, winning most pots I entered). I decide to capitalize on this
image, and raise from ep with a q4os. I get called in 2 spots. The flop
comes 667. Checked by the BB, I bet here, expecting to be raised and with
the intention of folding to set up a future play. Sure enough, Aggressive
(but good) player in MP bets, called by BB, and I fold. At this Aggressive
player chides me..."How can you fold for on SB there when you are getting
10-1 on your money?"

"I'm a bad player," is my retort. (Truth is, of course, that save for
running queens, there is nothing I can possibly hope to see that would make
me think I have any shot at that pot, and I wanted that weak-tight image.)
Sure enough, the sb takes it with a 6x.

So, a few hands later, I am UTG+1, and decide to make my "superstar" play.
UTG, who has been tossing around chips like they were play money, raises (he
was a very dangerous player, and loved to build pots with any 2 in the hopes
of nailing a flop). I look down and see the powerful 6-8os, so naturally I
three bet. Capped by aggressive from the previous hand, and called by SB,
UTG, and me. The flop comes j64 rainbow. UTG checks, I check, aggressive
bets, called by SB, called by UTG, and I now raise. Pretty much everyone at
the table now has me on pocket Jacks, and they all call, explaining they are
going to outdraw me. The Turn brings a second club (I forget which card at
this moment, but it is absolutely no help to my hand). UTG checks, I bet,
and am called by aggressive and SB. UTG folds and makes a comment that it
is a scary board, and the could outdraw me. just say that Maybe it'll be
the perfect card (implying a club with the board pairing).

The River brings the King of Clubs. I bet, aggressive goes deep into the
tank. I comment "Well, you can't call..it's either raise or fold...which
one?" He folds, as does SB.

Aggressive then begs me to show, and I oblige, flipping the 6-8os into the
middle, and say "How can you fold for just one more bet?"

His head goes into his hat, and he appears ready to flip the table over. I
scoop up my chips and can't wait to see the action that will surely be
falling upon me, but unfortunately the table starts breaking, and I decide
to call it a night soon after. The remaining players are still buzzing
about the hand as I walk past them after cashing on my way to clock out.
Dusty my ass ;)

(As the week went on, Aggressive player (Russ) and I ran into each other
many times, both on and off the table (In fact he snuck up from behind me
and put me in a headlock at the Taj Shouting 6-8, 6-8!!!). The 6-8 became a
running joke, and we became friendly as the week goes on (he was also at my
final table in the 10k super sat). He claims to have folded QQ there.)

The next day I again spend with Richard "Quiet Lion" Brodie. We visit
Harrah's for all of 20 minutes, and leave to discover his car has been hit
in the parking lot. (a more detailed account of this event can be found at
www.liontales.com). In the end, we wind up at Caesar's and eat at Nero's,
where I partake in a little lamb and allot of 1999 Joseph Phelps Insignia.
One again, the check is on Brodie (it pays to dine with a whale), and I am
up for the day w/o ever even sitting at a table.

I meet up with Kevin "Golfman" Conlon that evening (he was sharing the room
for an evening), and sign up for the 40/80 game, which is having trouble
getting off.

This is when I discover that the "Rock" I had been playing with most of the
previous day was none other than "Action Bob" Hwang, who I had planned on
meeting up with here. Fairly amusing that we failed to recognize each other
(we had only met once in atlarge, but talk frequently via the internet).
Ohhhh..if I only knew that going into those games, I would've never made
some of the laydown I made against him. ;)

I finally get a seat at KC's 10/20 game, and play all of 3 hands when I am
finally called for the 40 (at the same time as Action Bob). I play for
about 30 minutes, when the table starts to break. I had played exactly 2
hands (both in my BB), and finish about a rack up, and head to bed to get
some sleep before the super.

Still to come...The most fun I've ever had in one night in a Casino; Hey,
That's Johnny Fucking Chan; A Blessing from Jesus; Decimating Doyle Jr.; and
Zen and Art of Playing Blind.

-The Fish


The Fish Finds Jesus (Borgata Non-Tournament Trip Report, Part Deux)

From: Dave L

Sorry for the delay, I keep putting off these reports, then realized I
better get back to it before FARGO, and a whole new set of reports plagues

After busting out of the 10k event (and after about a 2 hour break from the
poker room), I trudged back downstairs and decided to watch some of the
action. I arrive in time to see Shana Hiatt doing 100 or so takes of what
seemed to be a relatively simple shot, but apparently the air conditioner
was up just a bit too high, and Miss Hiatt..shall we say...was putting the
"poke" in poker. The director asks her to go into a corner and warm up
those nipples. I offered to help, but alas, it turns out that this was a
union job, and they have very strict procedures.

So, I play some some ring games for a bit, then decide it is time to have
some fun.

I see Kevin Conlon (Golfman317) sitting at a short 10/20 game. I go over
and join, sitting on his left. At the table is someone I immediately dub
"Doyle Jr." He is a squat young man, with shades, earphones, and loves to
flip his cards in the muck with a zip of the wrist. He has a little posse
with him at his end of the table, and carries his bankroll, comprised mostly
of single dollar bills in a rubber band (no, I am not making this up).
Doyle Jr. and I get involved in a pot, he open raises, I three bet from the
BB with AK, and he calls. Flop comes K high and I bet, he raises, i reraise
he calls. "See you at the river," Jr. Doyle chimes in. The Turn brings a
jack, again I bet, he calls,. River is a blank and I bet, and he
disgustedly flips over AQ. "What did you have? King-Deuce?" he grumbles
in disgust.

"Yeah, I said. King Deuce."

I decide right then and there that I will take great pleasure in busting

I call Action Bob Hwang over from a 20/40 table he is raping (he is up like
6 racks, the lucky SOB) and he sits down on my left. I point out Doyle Jr.
to AB and he immediately starts calling him "Mr. Raise."

"Hey, Mr. Raise, why you raising my Big Blind?" Bob sings across the table.

"I'll raise your Big Blind every time, now, Buddy." Cries back Doyle Jr.

OOOPS. BIG Mistake there, Doyle.

Bob's brow furrows at this.

"OH YEAH?!" Well, I'm gonna raise YOUR Blind ever hand." retorts the Bob.

"I'm just kidding..." Doyle Jr. meekly says.

"Well, I'm not," says Bob. And he keeps his word, the whole night ;).

Very next hand, Doyle Jr. Again raises. I look down and see 5-2os and w/o
thinking I fold. SHIT.

Bob and at least 5 others call. And of course I flop the nut straight. I
accidentally tell Bob what I mucked, and he chides me for hours...it was the
worst mistake I made all night. I blew a golden opportunity to put a bad
beat on Doyle Jr. I vow NEVER to let that happen again.

Now, I should say that when Bob and I arrived at the table, it was a rock
garden. Well, we changed that. I guess capping in the dark from your
blinds will do that.

One memorable hand (for me) saw Bob and I capping preflop and the flop
blind. We were 5 handed. The Turn brings a third club. I bet, am called
by once spot, and raised in another. I decide now would be a good time to
look, and see a beautiful red Q7. I decide to play it up, burst into
laughter, and three bet. Everyone folds, save one player, who is a complete
calling station (he will call down a 4-way pot with King high). . Still, I
refuse to five up. I have the table convinced I backed into a flush, and
everyone but mr. Calling station seems to be 100% convinced. I bet again on
the river, and am raised by calling station. I reraise! He three bets. I
go to grab more chips, then decide to ask "If I bet here, will you fold."


Ok...heh..I fold then.

He flips over the nut flush. Let that be yet another lesson to you kids,
when playing blind, and your hand ends up queen high, do NOT go capping
against a guy who will call you with King high...ESPECIALLY when he has the

So, Bob and I play no fold'em Hold'em for about 2 hours. While we do end up
forcing Doyle Jr. to rebuy, we also inadvertently bust Kevin Conlon, who
on Mega tilt after a few bad beats caused in part by our play. Double
Bonus!! (He was,
unlike Bob and I, actually playing solid poker.)

In the end, I rack out up around $300 or so. Bob racks out down $600 I
believe, and Kevin...well...let's just say Kevin can use a few donations.

Obviously in a gamb00ling mood, Bob decides to teach Kevin and me Pai Gaw
Poker. "It's real easy, and money lasts a long time, " he says "Half of all
hands are pushes, and the rest you pretty much just split. It's hard to
lose your money fast in that game."

Famous last words, ya prick.

So, we play about 20 hands. I tie a few hands, and win ONCE. The rest are
ALL LOSERS. I go through $300 faster than you can say
"PaiGawPokerSucksFuckYouActionBob," and we leave the table. All down,
except of course for Bobby, who is up like 2 bajillion at the table.

We decide to hit a Let it Ride table, and again I come up empty.

Now, in between our table games, we decide to play some slot tournaments.
The rules begin like this: We each put $10 into a machine, and whoever has
the most after 5 minutes of play wins. The losers give the winner $5 each.
Bob wins the first tournament. Kevin, who finds a Sligo machine that is
broken (when you hit 3 sligos, a burst of air shoots some balls around the
top of the machine, and a random ball falls, indicating your bonus.) You
see, Kevin's machine was not pumping air, so every time he hit Sligo (and he
hit it at least 4 times) he got the same ball. Fortunately for him, that
ball was worth 250 coins (I, of course, never hit a goddamn sligo and was
the first to bust). So, with 2 casino employees now watching us and
laughing at our drunken slot-play, the moment Kevin gets up, they swarm the
machine. The prick not only won a few hundred dollars at the machine, but
he got me $5 as well.

The final slot tournament I decided to make video poker. I was sick of
coming in last each time, and, unlike the two bozos I was with, I actually
know how to play VP. We find 3 nice 9/6 Multi-Strike VP machines, and
decide to buyin for $20 this time. Halfway thru, I am busted. But, Thinking
fast, i quickly announce "REBUY!" and buyin for $20 more. Heh, heh.

I work my way to the lead, when on the very last fuckin hand, abob hits a
gutshot straight on the 8x pay level to win the damn tournament. Asshole.

So, I am now down well over $500, and we decide to play some three card

My luck changes immediately. I hit 2 flushes in a row, I hit pairs galore,
I can't lose! I slowly creep my way back up, but am still down $400 total.
Bob and Kevin are grumbling about eating, so I decide this is my chance to
finally win. "Whoever wins the most/loses the least at the tables has to
buy dinner." I proclaim. They both agree. Since both these fools are up
and I am way down, this is FINALLY a victory for me.

Eventually, we decide to just play blind. (The dealer kept not qualifying,
and both Bob and I werre losing money folding hands).

So, playing blind, the dealer flips over my cards and discovers...trip tens.
A nice 30-1 shot (on a $20 bet) and I am suddenly even for the night.

But, of course, even when I win, I lose, as it is now up to me to buy
dinner. Fuck.

After hitting the trip tens, we decide to pool together $5 each and let it
ride on #10 on a roulette wheel. We place out bet, when out of the corner
of my eye I see someone stumbling down the walkway signing autographs, empty
martini glass in hand. Why, it's none other than Chris "Jesus" Ferguson.
drag Chris away from his throngs of fans, and ask him to bring us some luck.
He starts out by making the sign of the cross and blessing the wheel. The
ball spins, and comes up...#1.

"What number did you want again?" asks Jesus.


"Well, that was stupid, you should have put it on one, since I am the #1
poker player!"

How can you argue with a holy man?

So, we leave the wheel, and head towards food. I am exhausted (it is well
after 3 am), and really had no intention of eating (I was going to just give
Bob $40, say Dinner is on me, and go to bed). when I get a brainstorm.

"Hey Jesus, you want some food?"

He looks up.

"Food? Hmmm. Will it take long?"

"No, Jesus, of course not." I lied

"Ok, where?"

"Well, how about the only place that's open?"

"Sounds Good!"

And off we go.

When we arrive, I decide to buy the table a round of the Tanquray-ten
Martinis that Richard Brodie got me hooked on during this trip. I don't
think my traveling companions were quite as fond of the drink as I was.
Ahh well.

Anyway, after 2 hours of Bullshitting, we decide to call it a night. But,
before we officially end it, we decide to once again pool $5 each and play
some huge casino long shot.

Eventually, we decide to play 2 pulls of a $5 slot machine (2 coins each
pull.) We find a nice "Playboy" (perfect!) slot machine. For the first
spin I insert the money, and Jesus pulls the lever.

Now, this may seem fairly dull and not worthy of writing in a trip report,
but on this night, a miracle happened. No, we didn't win on either Pull.

When I mentioned to him that this would make my trip report, he simply
laughed and said "good luck," No one will ever believe that I played a slot.

Well, folks, I can only report what I witnessed. I leave it up to you good
folks to decide whether or not to believe it.

I'm sure I am leaving a lot out, but it's late and I am lazy. I'll append
the report once I get an "oh shit, I can't believe I left that out" moment,
or I'll just include it in my superstat report, which will be coming either
just before or wayy after FARGO ;).

-The Fish

Link of the Day:
Enjoy My Cat Ass Trophy
An open letter to the person in Houston who found my Casio Exilim S20 compact digital camera containing 17 2.0 megapixel photographic close-ups of a cat's ass.

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Information on this site is intended for news and entertainment purposes only.

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