Friday, January 30, 2004

PokerMafia is up. What a joke. It took six months to deliver this POS? I thought it would be bad, but not this bad.

I want to post some of the responses now that he's finally up. Oh the humanity.

Russ has had some "word definition issues" in the past.
For example, "soon" means "never". "Never" means "every so often". "I stated" means "I never said". "Game over" means "game just beginning". "Hours away" means "never". "Coming in September '04" means "Coming in May, 2013". "Paul Lee" means "somebody other than Paul Lee". "Chip and Doyle" means "I can't get in the Bellagio".
"Doug Dalton" means "I'm drunk on champagne". And the ever popular, "black" means "white", and "up" means "down". Radio Shack sells a nifty little translator for $19.95 with a state-of-the-art RWS (Random Word Shuffler) that will translate these Multi-Pluto concepts for you.

He announces that he's cheating the very people online that he's trying to recruit to come to his website. I don't remember that idea being mentioned in Business 101.

I haven't laughed like that in a LONG time. GCB slapped theirs
together in 1/12th the time, and it looks 100 times better.

LOL thanks for the laugh Russ. I was expecting it to be bad, but
wow..you really exceeded my expectations!
Hey, Russ. Question: what happened to all the name players you
accused of cheating on RGP? You were throwing their names around
pretty loosely here. But I don't see any of their names mentioned on
your site. All those accusations-- it's like they suddenly vanished.
Some of us got the impression this was going to be a website being run
by Big Balls Russ. Is this the new sanitized, white-bread,
Hung-Like-A-Buck-Field-Mouse Russ, or did some lawyers explain some
stuff to you?

Wow, www.PolkaMafia.com severely outclasses this site in every way. Kind
of funny when the parody exceeds the original by so much.

Building and Launching a Website

In an attempt to follow in the footsteps of www.polkamafia.com, other
GCx organizations have tried launching websites of their own, and have
been met with staunch failure. What follows is a primer on correctly
building and launching your very own scumbag-run website.

First, gather and collect as many monkeys as you can. The more the
better. Next, you will need typewriters…LOTS of typewriters. Put
said monkeys in front of said typewriters and watch as they start
pounding away at the keys. Wait 5 years.

Next, announce to the world that your website will be open and running
soon. Give a false launch date. Check on progress of monkeys. By
this time, the monkeys should have produced some usable information.
Don't worry if the writing is poor or the content completely made up.
Post it anyway on RGP. Announce at the end that you website is coming

After you miss the first deadline, announce that the website is so
awesomely spectacular that it is taking longer than planned. Return
to Monkeys. Some will have died by now, but that's okay. Make love
to the corpses, and discard. Get new monkeys.

For a period of 3-10 years, continue to promise the website will be
coming soon. By now, the monkeys should have produced enough
gibberish to provide you with plenty of posts and website "content."

Of course, most of the monkeys at this time will be dead, but that is
okay. At this stage, you DO NOT need more monkeys. Simply repost old
posts, over and over again. This is very effective, and also prevents
all the refutations and negative replies made to the original post
away from the eyes of unsuspecting new readers. Make sure you claim
you are a world class cheat and high stakes player. Sure, people will
laugh, but fuck ‘em, who are they to say that 1-2 hold'em isn't high

Next, buy "Web Design for Dummies." Read the back panel, and start to
build your website. If you really need help, find a few more monkeys.

Now, here is where most GCx organizations go wrong. BEFORE LAUNCHING
YOUR WEBSITE make sure it has actual content, design, a good layout,
and is easy to access. DO NOT just put up any old cookie-cutter
webpage with broken links, stolen fonts and graphics, and no content.
The people who read this forum are incredibly stupid and naïve, but
they are not THAT stupid.

Remember, you supposedly spent 10+ years building this thing. It has
to look better than a standard "Geocities" home page.

Launch, and watch the idiots come to you. If you are dumb enough to
put something up that is so bad it causes violent eruptions of
laughter, then even your biggest supporters will begin to realize what
a fraud you are, and that is bad. (Of course, only a true moron would
do something like this.)

If you are caught red-handed with an inferior product, you need to act
fast. Make something up. Tell them you were to preoccupied to build
the site because you were busy scamming people out of $3,000 a day
playing online poker. Something ridiculously silly like that.
Hopefully, the truly brain dead will believe you, and not question why
someone supposedly making more than $1 million a year would be
divulging his secrets for $39.95.

And that's really all there is to it. When we launched
www.polkamafia.com, we expected a few fish to come and visit. We had
no idea that we would average close to 75,000 hits and 1,500 visitors
per day. But then again, we are GCB, and the imitators simply don't
stack up.

Ralph Jorjerkoff
Webgod, and founder of GCB's www.polkamafia.com

All Content Copyright Iggy 2003-2007
Information on this site is intended for news and entertainment purposes only.

100% Signup Bonus at PokerStars.com up to $50

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?