Party Poker Blog

"The difference between being a criminal and being an outlaw is that an outlaw has a following."
Pablo Escobar

This crappy pseudo uber post brought to by the fine folks at Poker Stars and Full Tilt Poker.

Download Poker Stars here.
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Pretty please??

Got lots of tasty poker goodness here for you today. Yes, I'm back and Destroying Workplace Productivity as best I can. Bite me, Mr. Frist.

I was thinking about that guy who got up at noon every day the last two years. Who woke up and typically began his day multi-tabling online poker.

Who was that guy?
It already seems like another lifetime ago.

Sure was one helluva ride, made more fun by having this silly poker blog document it all for over three years. Here's to the next three!

But what's been lost in all this TV-centric poker hype, celebrity worshipping nonsense is that poker is freaking hard. The daily demands of discipline, emotional control and saavy meta-game instincts requires more skill than most folks have the patience for. The painful grinders reality is that it's far less telegenic than spouting insta-percentages, doing chip tricks and looking cool.

I've now had some time to reflect and think about what the best part of playing poker for a living was. And per my little opening quote: to be part of a subculture. To be part of a historical cultural juggarnaut with it's own little secret society, language, social mores and pecking order.

I have alot to say about this, but for now, I'm taking Dr. Pauly's sage advice and just spending some time each evening writing for myself. Hell, I even signed up for that Nano thingy.

Had a splendid day today. When my young niece died in a freak accident last year, the family decided this past spring to do something in her memory, which ended up being a Dog Walk in a small community here in Cincinnati. Jennifer was an animal nut so we decided to get sponsors and have raffles and contests and send all the money in her foundation name to a no-kill animal shelter here in town.

And after months of planning and more planning and soliciting and groveling to the mayor and police to shut down streets for us to do the walk, today was the day.

And as anyone who has ever done anything like this knows, it's kinda scary cause you panic that no one will show up.

But we had hundreds and hundreds of people show up to participate and we raised a buttload of cash for the shelter. It was amazing - a complete sell-out. I was a judge for the dog tricks and dog costume contests and had a blast. There's some really funny and twisted people out there, lemme tell you. If I had time, I'd upload some pictures but it shall have to wait. For now, I wanna try and uber this up.

We also had a Flying K9's exhibition for the crowd all lined up. We're lucky to be hooked up with national frisbee dog champions who live here in Cincinnati and they put on one helluva show.

But our black fuzzy dog, Toby, was the crowd favorite. I wore my Carson Palmer jersey and Toby wore a Chad Johnson jersey. To complete the look, my wife went out and bought some gold paint which we sprayed on his head as a mohawk. Damn, he looked very Chad-like.

His balls-out, throw his body totally into it, mega-vertical leaps had the crowd cheering on every throw. Apparently he was shown on one of the local TV news shows this evening but I haven't seen the clip yet. Sure is fun to have the uber frisbee dog. Again, when I get the new photos I'll stick a few up. For now, allow me to repost these:

Back to poker, damnit.

I've been reading all the conspiracy theories on 2+2 about Party Poker with a dash of Harrah's thrown in for good measure. Was the fix in?

Who knows? I certainly don't.

But the guys who wrote that fine book, Freakanomics, blogged about the Party Poker decision in their blog. Check it out - very interesting analysis.
The Party Poker Puzzle

Also, and this is kinda big news, Pacific/888 and Party Poker are having talks about a possible merger. Wow.
Gaming sites in £1.6bn merger talks

Two of the biggest UK-listed online poker operators, Party Gaming and 888 Holdings, have held preliminary talks about a possible merger to create a £1.6 billion company.

This press release caught my eye:

---
Progressive Gaming International and Harrah's Team Up to Offer New Server-Based Game: The World Series of Poker(R) ''Peer to Peer'' Texas Hold'em System for Both Wired and Wireless Formats in All Regulated Gaming Venues Worldwide

The World Series of Poker "Peer to Peer" Texas Hold'em gaming system will be designed to allow patrons to play poker on a wired or wireless device on a secure intranet server managed from within a casino in jurisdictions where it is legal to do so. A poker player will be able to play World Series of Poker "Peer to Peer" Texas Hold'em at a variety of locations within a casino, without the need to be physically located at a poker table. Players may be able to play within the casino property at a bar, restaurant, and even poolside.
----

We should do a collective over/under on how long until we are playing online poker under the Harrah's banner.

This next bit was a great thread - over 140 posts in it, one of the largest in a long, long time that didn't involve political blowhards going back and forth with lame insults and vapid conclusions. If there's one thing I hate more than poker players telling me a bad beat story, it's a poker player giving me his uninformed political analysis.

It's been a rough month for that. Everyone and their brother is foaming at the mouth and offering up their two cents.

God bless Howard Beale. Here's his rant:

Coping with the demise of b&m etiquette

When I started playing in the NY clubs ~12 years ago proper pokerroom etiquette was expected. There was no talking amongst players not involved in the hand concerning what each active player might have. No declaring what holding would be the nuts. No encouraging other players to make a tough call. No coffeehousing. You were expected to act in turn and to not reveal information that might aid active players in a hand. You were expected to display a moderately decent demeanor and threats of violence
almost never occured. Why go on? Those of you who know what I'm talking about know what I mean.

Today the reality of b&m play is that all of the above no longer applies to the vast majority of players. They are constantly declaring that they had one of the cards when the flop comes paired or they bang the table or make some other gesture. If they are told that they shouldn't do it they say 'I didn't say anything!' or 'So what, they don't care about those little cards!', etc. Coffeehousing is rampant.

Asking to see mucked hands over and over to gain information is standard. Players often declare what the nut holding would be and tell other players that 'the pot
is so big, you have to call.' I'm witnessing more frequent invitations to 'go outside' and outright threats. When threats are made what does the floor do? They tell the parties involved to calm down. I think they should be thrown the hell out. The list is endless. The thing is is that I'm tired of being the table captain. Whenever I bring any of these things up I'm regarded as a crank or worse.

The dealers are almost no help whatsoever. The other day a player folded his hand in a three way pot saying 'I don't think she has the flush but I can't call.' Turning to the remaining player he repeated 'she doesn't have the flush' over and over. Naturally the third player called and won. The bettor was upset and after a few minutes of lambasting the talker the dealer finally managed a lame 'she has a point'. 10 minutes later this same bettor pounded the table when a flop came paired. Just try and represent one of those cards if you want to run a bluff.

Sure, this is a rant, and I know many of you don't do these things and others of you think some of these things are no big deal or are part of the game but I for one have given up trying to maintain what should be basic standards of b&m conduct amongst players who either don't know 'the rules' or don't care. Most players don't care. Dealers (mostly) don't care and management doesn't care. Casino Arizona took a stand a couple months ago by eliminating the IWTSTH abuse. The new rule was that you had
to call a floor person over and explain why you wanted to see a mucked hand. That new rule lasted a day or 2.

There is a new paradigm and I don't think anything can be done about it. Today's players, be they new to the game or influenced by the yakking braying clowns on TV or internet players who haven't been raised on what I think is proper etiquette just don't know or care. I'm just going to have to live with it, take advantage of whatever information is revealed (after all most players aren't paying much attention) and keep my mouth shut.

End of rant. Thanks for listening.

Howard Beale

I gotta admit, one of my pet peeves is someone asking to see a players hand after the hand is over. No, not the rare once in a blue moon thing, that's fine. But hell, I played with a guy a few weeks ago who did this three times in the space of 20 minutes.

I guess I'll document this as part of the poker as cultural juggarnaut trend.

Subject: Jamie Lee Curtis talking about poker on Leno

Last night Jamie Lee Curtis was on Leno. She was talking about how she is extremely competitive at everything. Leno said he heard that she played poker, and then she started talking about playing poker online for "pretend money."

They had the following exchange:
JLC: I have vowed not to play for any money, but for pretend money...
There are actually websites --
Leno: Pretend money
JLC: There are websites.
Leno: Who wants to play pretend money? It's pretend sex.
JLC: It's really good.
Leno: Really?
JLC: It's unbelievable!
Leno: Are you good at bluffing. Well, yeah, I guess so, yeah.

She then says "There's something called Full Tilt Poker" but NBC muted her when she was saying "Full Tilt". But she did talk about having a screen name and an avatar, etc.

I thought it was interesting that they chose to mute her when she was saying what site she played on, even though she was talking about "pretend money."

Weird, but I saw several Party Poker TV commercials in the past week. I guess the ads were already paid for so they are being run to honour contractual obligations?



I can't say I know much about Tony G and his legendary mouth, outside of what I can catch on YouTube. But I saw this post and had to giggle a bit.

Tony G Poker Room etiquette!

Now THIS is FUNNY!!!!!....

"Q: Does TonyGPoker have a code of conduct?
A: Yes. All players are expected to behave as good poker citizens and treat all others with respect.

Specifically: Offensive, obscene, vulgar, racist, jingoist or hateful slurs will not be permitted on TonyGPoker.

Targeting other players to distress or embarrass them is harassment and will not be permitted."

I guess only Tony G. gets to act like Tony G. in his online poker room - ha!!!

http://www.tonygpoker.com/faq/

As evidence of Tony's mouth I submit this video as evidence. Pretty brutal.



Moving along to the obligatory online poker is rigged post compliments of RGP.
I couldn't possibly do an uber post without including one of these. This weeks winner:

Party Poker is cheating

You can easily prove that PartyPoker is cheating. First play a couple hundred thousand hands there. Then examine your stats. You'll notice that when you get all in you lose a lot more than probability could account for. I still make money there but it is a fact they are cheating.

How do I love thee, you sweet deluded internet nuts?
Let me count the ways.

In fact, to illustrate the sheer stupidity of your average online poker player, allow me to point out that 1/3 of Full Tilt forum members think Full Tilt is rigged. Check it out.

I gotta say it.
Oh. The. Humanity.

But sometimes, in the idiocy that is poker message boards and forums, you discover a real gem. It takes awhile but some people rise above the fray. I like to refer to these posts as the Mount Rushmore of sheer stupidity.

Sweet Lord, the fools I suffer for ya'll:
Enjoy:

How to eliminate suckouts, period

When I play home games of Texas Hold Em with my friends, we sometimes have "no suckout" night. The rules are the same as Hold Em, but with this twist: when a players are all-in at any stage of a hand, and there is no more "poker to be played", per se, whoever is statistically ahead at that point in the hand wins the pot, and no more cards are dealt.

For example, if you push all in with A-K preflop and I call you with 5-5 and no one else calls, we would reveal our cards and I would win the pot, with no more cards dealt. (For close statistical calls we just use an online odds calculator, and if a split is most statistically likely, the pot is split.)

Obviously the strategy for this game is much different than traditional Hold Em (pocket pairs skyrocket in value pre-flop, flush and straight draws plummet in value if someone pushes against you, etc.), but we think it is still a skillful and fun game to play. I am just curious if anyone else has ever played like this, or
would be interested in playing a game like this at a casino. It certainly would eliminate bad beat stories.

I played a game something like that when I was a kid. You each turned up your card, and the best card won. I think it was called War.

I loved this CraigsList post from some guy in Philly:

"Straight male seeks Bush supporter for fair, physical fight. I would like to fight a Bush supporter to vent my anger. If you are one, have a fiery streak, please contact me so we can meet and physically fight. I would like to beat the shit out of you."



Moving along, here's an interesting question and answer here about riverboat gambling. We're all about history here at Guinness and Poker.

Why riverboats?

I quote from wikipedia:

"Jonathan H. Green's book, An Exposure of the Arts and Miseries of Gambling (G. B. Zieber, Philadelphia, 1843), described the spread of the game from there to the rest of the country by Mississippi riverboats, on which gambling was a common pastime."

My question is, why riverboats?

was there some kind of law allowing poker just on these boats? Or was it because poker was immoral and not to be played in the city?

And here comes a fine answer:

Re: Why riverboats?

Q.) Why riverboat gambling ?

A.) This answer is my opinion only and may be correct or not.

In 19th century America, when riverboats were popular, most people farmed and lived in rural areas. When and if they went to town, many bought their goods by putting on their tab or trading items (eggs, pies, chickens, etc.) for goods. There were no paved roads, no cars, no buses, no planes....no nuttin. The Mississippi River and other rivers were the great highways of our nation.

People travelled on these riverboats with their money in their pockets and little if any life experiences. On these riverboats, they were subjected to live music, dancing girls, bonded liquor, and games of 'chance'. In many instances the 'chance' was removed from the game by card sharks and cheats. The unsuspecting were beat out of their money at the tables and sometimes simply robbed or beaten & rolled. There was noone to complain to. There was no law onboard other than the Captain, who sometimes was in on the action and got a cut. You could be thrown overboard and any complaints died with you. Only the strong survived and it was eat or be eaten in some instances. Life was tough in the 19th century and you learned life's lessons by the mistakes you made along the way.

The layabouts of that period plied there wares and trades on the country rubes and sought an easy was of making a living by gambling with 'the suckers'. "A fool and his money are soon parted " was as popular a saying as, " there's a sucker born every minute." Old sayings and remedies were based in the truth of those times. Some things never change...

The same people that haunted the riverboats also haunted the poolrooms of this
country.

Doug
(wow, my longest post in RGP in nine years)

This was kinda cool. A fellow who won the Full Tilt Iron Man contest wrote up an RGP trip report about his experience. For the record, the Full Tilt Poker promotion is the Iron Man Challenge, when the Full Tilt pros challenge the site's players to show off their endurance. Any player who plays 28 consecutive days at FTP and earns at least 50 Full Tilt Points per day will qualify for a seat in the Iron Man Challenge $10,000 Freeroll. The winner of the Iron Man Challenge not only takes home 1st-place money, but also earns the chance at a $50,000 payday. The freeroll winner will challenge three of the Full Tilt pros in consecutive heads-up matches. Beating one pro is good for $5,000; two, $10,000; and all three wins $50,000. Not a bad reward for playing the games you already play every day!

Here's his tale:

FTP Iron Man "Trip Report"

Well, it was certainly a trip.

For those who might be interested, this is more or less how it unfolded when I went heads-up against the pros.

The story so far: I won the Bronze Iron Man freeroll for $800, then banked a further $5000 the following day by winning the heads-up double shoot-out between the four winners. A week later I was to play a further three matches against a trio of FTP pros, the deal being thus: $5K for each win, $50K total for winnign all three matches.

My expectations were well-enough managed that I'm quite happy with the $5,000 I banked. I put my EV at no more than $2,500 (and was considering hedging by seeing if I could sell some of my action at that rate, although in the end I was too lazy).

I don't have the HHs here, but this is approximately what transpired...

Match 1 vs Clonie Gowen

While I wouldn't say the deck was cold for me, it was definitely on the cool side! A distinct dearth of face cards over the 59 hands it lasted made it difficult to get any traction. In answer to questions from the mostly rather sad crew of railbirds (someone used the term "railtards" which I thought apt) she said that the pros aren't playing for money in these events. That confirmed my guess that she probably wasn't going to lay down anything marginal and rather restricted my ability to take pots with nothing.

Given that I was seeing rather a lot of 10-2 type hands, I was restricted to looking for either innocuous or very scary flops on which I could represent. I folded a couple of particularly bad hands in the hope that I could create the notion that I could be pushed off pots and hence set up a trap. It might have worked except that she decided to fold preflop when I held KK!

I was gradually bleeding chips and a bit below 700 when I got 33 and insta-pushed, being prepared to take a coinflip for a chance to double up and get some leverage (I think the blinds had just gone to 50/100). I don't think she had to think much about calling with KK and that was that.

Match 2 - Paul Wolfe

The whole thing took about 5 minutes, IIRC. I trapped him for about half his stack when I hit two pair with J5, then took the rest when I flopped a set with 77 and he had 87 for 2-pair. He did have some outs for a straight but they didn't appear and that was $5000 in the bank.

Match 3 - Erik Seidel

Again, not a lot of cards, although I think I was briefly ahead, then tried to push him off a pot with nothing, got reraised and had to let it go. With about 1300 of my initial 1500 stack and already feeling frazzled (don't know why, he's only got 7 WSOP bracelets after all) I picked up AJ. Vaguely recalling my review of HoH II earlier in the day I decided that this was likely to be as good as it got and re-reraised when he bumped my preflop raise. Deciding he was restealing, I bumped it again, realised I'd just bet 750 and left 450 behind (and should have pushed) and then did so with the horrid realisation that I was probably stuffed when he put me all-in. I don't think AA counts as a resteal, somehow! The board gave just as much help as you'd expect.

I'll look into putting the HHs somewhere for replay. I think the match vs Clonie is actually the only interesting one: I thought I played it well without much ammunition and with a difficult metagame situation. The Wolfe one was straightforward: I got the cards, the flop hit me harder than it hit him and we were done in no time - can't see what he could have done. Seidel did to me what Clonie had: got a monster when I had a strong heads-up hand and I wasn't good or lucky enough to dodge. But since I did the same to Paul I've no complaints. Nor should I: $11,800 for the 8 days from Saturday to Saturday constitute slightly more than my "career" earnings from the last two years.

The whole hour-and-a-quarter was a blast from start to finish. I'd happily do it again next month.

--Otter

I've spent a considerable amount of time at the poker tables in my illustrious poker career, but have never heard of anything like this before. Yes, verbal declarations are binding but the cards weren't dealt. Anyway, I'll let his story speak for itself.

Odd Incident at Flamingo Poker Room

Greetings all,

I'm a poker lighweight. I play online a bit, generally run about even and play B&M 1-2 times a year.

So I'm at the Flamingo poker room Sunday night playing 2-4 hold 'em with a buddy who's sitting to my right. We're both down a little bit, but nothing bad.

Across the table from me is this really drunk guy who's got about $150, but is going downhill fast.

Here's the story.

After losing a hand on the river, but before the next hand is dealt, the drunk loudly declares "That's it. I'm going to raise every hand from now on."

The next hand is dealt, my buddy's under the gun and folds, I then fold, two people stay in and the drunk calls.

The dealer says "no sir.. you RAISE and will RAISE as long as you sit there. What you say is BINDING, even out of position. These two players (me and my buddy) folded because of what you said. If you say something that affects action, it's binding."

Argument ensues... The drunk isn't really the one arguing, then throws the extra $2 and sits back. The guy between me and the drunk starts arguing the call (in a gentlemanly manner to be sure, but he's still pissed). The dealer basically says "I made the ruling and that's that. You can go get the rule book over at the desk and that's what it'll say."

Play continues and the drunk isn't forced to raise anymore.

Personally, I think the dealer was trying to get the DRUNK to argue so he could throw him out, but it didn't work.

Personally, I didn't take the drunk seriously and it didn't affect my play. I folded because I had a poor hand.

I stayed the heck out of the argument.

My question. Was the dealer correct or was he trying to pick a fight and get the drunk tossed? Apparently this dealer's been at the Flamingo for over 30 years.

(Side note, the other dealer I played with HATES this dealer).

Anyway, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.

Did you know the Big Game featuring Andy Beal and The Corporation has a wiki entry?
Now you do.

Interesting perspective from a Euro RGP'r about the play at Party Poker (BONUS CODE IGGY, damnit. sorry - it's just reflex now - I can't control it) now that the Americans aren't playing there.

Update about how things are at Party after the US players went away

I just came of an 8-tabling 7 hr session at Party.

The single biggest difference I noticed after the US-players left, besides that the player base was cut in half, was that there were extremely little trashtalking and bashing going on.

During my 7 hrs (56 table hrs) there was only 1 single occurance when a player went after another one in the chat.

Making 921BB's at the NL tables was just an added bonus. Hopefully the games will stay soft and without constant trash talk. I was a little bit worried about the ban on US players but maybe it will come out alright after all.

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Favorite confession from today's Grouphug "Today I drank, smoked weed, and watch people rail morphine, all while sitting in the break room at a Staples, and I don't even work there. "

I've still never seen this show except for snippets on YouYube. Will someone please tell me when season one comes out on dvd?

Subject: A couple of 'High Stakes Poker' Q's

I just watched this show for the first time last night and found it entertaining and certainly agree with Irish Mike that it's the best poker show on TV.

I'm just curious as to what the players get out of it. Do they get paid for appearing? Are they there just for the game and the exposure? I also wonder if they are all playing their own money or if some of them are 'backed' in the game (if anybody knows). Are all of these players playing w/i their bankrolls?

I also found myself wondering if the show would be interesting in the least if the game was being played on one of Poker-Teks' electronic tables with no dealer, cards, chips and bricks of cash. Personally, I don't think so.

Here's a fantasy: I'd like every player at the WSOP be made to watch an episode so that they see that when you win a pot of tens of thousands of REAL dollars a player doesn't scream and hop around the room like a kangaroo on angel dust.

"a kangaroo on angel dust"

That's just brilliant and I concur fully with that fantasy.



There was a lot of discussion about High Stakes Poker after the above post so I'm yanking out the one I found most interesting. Here it tis:

Play-distorting properties of the popularity of HSP

Something a lot of casual viewers are probably unaware of on HSP is that there is an ante in addition to the blinds, so you see a lot more of the kind of preflop raising and reraising to steal pots than would be reasonable in a game without antes.

This favors players like DN who routinely raise with trash preflop (which he has a reputation for doing in any game but the antes "normalize" this behavior). Similarly, because these raises are slightly larger than normal, antes+blinds+raise from a loose raiser pots invite reraisers to try to steal what is now a pretty substantial preflop pot (BG seems to be an expert at this).

Another slightly weird aspect to this (for a hold'em game with blinds) is that as there are fewer players preflop, the preflop pot is smaller, which would slightly diminish this effect in short-handed games. Not only is it tougher to steal
against players more likely to play any two cards, but the pot is smaller, too.

One aspect of this, though, is that a lot of the viewers might not be aware of the antes and how they're driving the preflop action, and try to imitate this kind of play in real games. While, unlike tournaments, it doesn't distort the play so much
that good plays on HSP would be utterly horrible if done in a cash game (as tournament plays which are great in context would be suicidal in cash games), it might encourage excessive aggression. The play is usually at a level where
I can't see watching it making anyone worse, but I wonder if anyone's noticed effects from this in NL games.

On a side note, it might be nice if some online site would set up tables with a similar structure, antes with no max buyin. They could probably even license the HSP name.

Err wait, I found another nugget of info here to the question, What do they pay the High Stakes Poker players?

Matt Savage reported they are paid about $1,000 an hour and Negreanu says they were paid $1,250 an hour, which I suppose covered the blinds. And of course, the other players paid Matusow.

I'm way late to the game in posting this but here it is.
Amy Calistri rocks. Here's the post with a rejoinder from who else? Gary Carson.

WSOP Extra Chips: Procedural Suggestions

Thanks again for all the feedback on the articles that Tim Lavalli and I wrote relative to the mistake that Harrah's made during Day Seven of the WSOP Championship Event that introduced approximately two million extra chips into play. Although Harrah's is still "officially" investigating, two of Harrah's WSOP management team have confirmed and ackowledged that what we suggested was indeed the case.

We wanted to specifically solicit input from rgp relative to better procedures and controls that should be considered by both Harrah's and the Nevada Gaming Commission going forward.

Please use this thread to voice what changes you'd like to see made.

Article links:
http://www.pokernews.com/news/2006/9/two-million-questions-one.htm
http://www.pokernews.com/news/2006/9/two-million-questions-two.htm
http://www.pokernews.com/news/2006/9/two-million-questions-three.htm


Thanks,
Amy Calistri

-------------------

All they have to do is treat them like they would money that belonged to the casino.

But that won't happen because they have a managment culture that won't allow that.

They have a culture that says protection of the management outranks all else.

Gary Carson

Some huge names in poker weighed in on the report by Amy Calistri about the missing chips in the WSOP Main Event. Amy posted in RGP and had this to say about her outstanding followup report:

WSOP Extra Chips - New Article re:Responses

Just wanted to say that Tim Lavalli and I put together some of the preliminary feedback from our original articles about the 2 million extra chips mistakenly introduced during the WSOP Main Event. Some respondents include Harrah's, Negreanu, Greenstein, the TDA, the WPA, etc. The article can be found here:
Two Million Questions: Poker Responds

One interesting side effect of investigating this incident was that both Tim and I, independently and without discussing it, joined the World Poker Association. Players need a unified voice. I hope that this organization gets the traction and support to be that voice.

http://www.wpapoker.com/

Amy Calistri

A sinister quote comes from my hero, Richard Brodie:

"I don't know if that's what happened. What I do know is that the tournament staff knew about the extra chips at the time and they had surveillance cameras pointed at the tables. Surely they watched those tapes to try to discover what happened. Surely they have saved those tapes rather than destroy them after the minimum seven days required by the Nevada Gaming Control Board."

"Folks, we're talking about an error worth almost $2 million to the players who benefited. That is probably the grossest mistake in the history of casino gambling if it was inadvertent, and a hell of a criminal conspiracy if it was not."

And Lou Kreiger had this to say on RGP, on top of his comments in the above story:

Re: WSOP Extra Chips - New Article re:Responses

Even if they don't give a rat's ass about your money, the WSOP is an incredibly valuable brand, and one way to protect it's inherent value is to provide a well run event with internal controls and procedures as strong as those used when it's their money that's at stake. Not to implement new procedures and internal controls after this incident would be incredibly short-sighted.

Yup. What Lou said.

Damnit, a few dealers do this for players at my boat and I was always curious to see which guys loved rabbit hunting. Superstitious or not?

Rabbit Hunting

Lately, I started playing in the 200NL games at Commerce, since I'm making the change from limit poker. I can't believe how many players try to grab the deck to "see what was coming" when the hand isn't completed. Often, the dealers permit this, even though it is strictly against the rules, mainly because they don't want to hurt their tips, of course.

When I strenously object to this happening, these players, mostly young, can't understand why I disapprove of this. The fact is, I don't want people to be able to satisfy their curiosity by digging in the deck. If they know they can do this, it makes it easier for them to fold, and I want the little bastards to pay me off, not fold. Of course, if peeking at the discards shows them they'd have made their
hands, it might make them call the next time.

However, I think that not being able to "rabbit hunt" is much better for a poker game and for the best players at the table. What do you guys think?

Barbara Gallamore

And even more thoughts on how the poker boom has affected casino poker play. My boat is still hopping but I haven't found much time lately to get there. I gotta fix that.

WSOP has made me hate B&M Poker

I got sick watching this year's WSOP. Molina especially. I understand it was him probably showing off for the cameras and ESPN trying to generate a story, but this is teaching the new generation how poker is played. Kids will see this at home and think that is good poker. Berate and agitate and got people off their game plan.

I wouldn't want to waste one second of my life in that type of environment. Everyone seemed to be trying to push people's buttons. And even worse is how some people act after knocking a person out. What happened to gracious winning?

I will only play online. And I don't even read the chat anymore.
Poker over the last 10 years has really degenerated.

ESPN deserves some of the blame. They aren't televising a poker tournament but just a stupid reality show with poker as the side-show. Sunk to lowest common denominator.

The Princess of RGP, Tanya AKA MissT74, offered her take on this matter:

> ESPN deserves MOST of the blame, IMO.

Don't completely agree. You put alot of people in a room, in a stressful environment, for a number of days for long hours, who are not equiped to handle the situation and never have been in something quite like that, and serve them free booze, this is what you're gonna get.

I really haven't seen anything (well, maybe Elix Powers) on any of these shows that I haven't seen in a cardroom, without the cameras being around. The Lisandro/
Friedman thing people find interesting, if I had a nickel for everytime that's happened at a table I've been at, I'd have a few bucks. Difference is, they were never gonna go, but the scuzz I was sitting with, they probably would, and in the case of the Taj, they often did.

It was like hockey fighters dropping the gloves, inevitable. Anyone that was at the Taj going back 5-6-7 years, I'm sure can recall an "incident". And most of these incidents that went to blows involved senior citizens. I had a streak of about five visits where people had to be physically broken up by the floor or security.

One of the reasons I stopped playing seriously was that I could be very abusive when things weren't going my way. Most of the time, it's a response to stress and
frustration. I could only imagine what it's like in that room, you know, you've been in there. But, I know, that it used to drive me nuts at the Foxwoods if a couple of people from the Asian pits came over to watch a tournament. Who knows how I'd react to being in that circus of a ballroom.

As for the people that act like Molina, in general, that's never gonna be a problem, because people will step up to the plate. It's one thing to take a 30-day ban if you're playing at some low-limit game and a whiny little kid takes it too far. But, are you gonna get yourself DQ'ed from the main event of the WSOP just to shut the kid up?

I actually find it amusing that ESPN is managing to bring some of the reality of the poker world out there front and center. The feel-good stuff was really out of whack. IMO, what you're seeing this year is the best representation of what it's really like. They just need to get some backgammon hustlers and beggars and guys giving 200% of themselves, and they'll be almost 100% there.

There's many more douchebags out there in the poker world than the Greg Raymers of the world. That's the god's honest truth.

Amen, sister.

Another good point:

Kids will see this at home and think that is good poker.

> Berate and agitate and got people off their game plan.

Yeah, and Trainspotting made heroin seem so cool and fun.

Seriously, they showed Molina make an ass of himself. They showed him getting a timeout. They showed him humbled while Mommy and Daddy kept an eye on him. We got to hear Norman Chad rip him consistently. The kid acted like an ass, and was treated like one. What more could you want?

I don't see the problem. When people act like jerks, there are consequences. ESPN showed that. ESPN also showed countless poker players playing with respect for their opponents and the game. Guys like Cunningham and Phil Ivey are placed on pedestals.

The problem is, people see something they don't like, and cannot digest the whole story being told, and are soon off complaining to everyone about what ESPN shows, but leaving out all of the quality stuff shown.

There were stories about charity and overcoming difficult circumstances. There was off-beat funny stuff (like ripping on Poker tattoos and card protectors).

But what do people write about here and elsewhere? And ESPN is the one that's bad?

Mrs. T also finally gave her two cents on Eric Molina. Weeeee - I wonder what I'm missing by not watching this.

My opinion on Eric Molina.

I know this is "old" news, but I just watched this week's WSOP shows last night and had to comment, now that I know what everyone else was talking about last week.

I have never, ever seen such asshole behaviour at the table in my entire 5 years of playing poker. NEVER.

I mean, I've seen assholes. However, I have never seen an asshole as big as Eric Molina and I would be mortified if I were him.

Of course, he probably doesn't have enough of a clue to be slightly embarrassed,
let alone mortified, but O. M. G.

How on earth did he survive that day without getting punched out? And players were even still shaking his hand after he busted them WHILE he was chiding them. Unreal. Someone should have said something to someone. Just amazed me.

T

Mr Rini posted a great link to this article: Mitnick - The Art Of Intrusion: Ch 1 - Hacking The Casinos For A Million Bucks.

Good God, I'm #2 in Google for
wife won't indulge foot fetish

Guess I can thank David Williams for that one.

Here's a goofy post.

Subject: Death of Online Poker--The Musical?

Ok, here are the top 10 requested songs to be played at one's funeral:

1 - "Goodbye My Lover" - James Blunt 2 - "Angels" - Robbie Williams 3 - "I've Had The Time Of My Life" - Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley.

4 - "Wind Beneath My Wings" - Bette Midler 5 - "Pie Jesu" - Requiem 6 - "Candle In The Wind" - Elton John 7 - "With Or Without You" - U2 8 - "Tears In Heaven" - Eric Clapton 9 - "Every Breath You Take - The Police 10 -"Unchained Melody" - Righteous Brothers.

so what is the right song for the Death of Online Poker? (assuming it happens that is...)

My choice: Deacon Blues, Steely Dan

--
1. "Hold On" - Wilson Phillips
2. "The End of the Road" - Boyz II Men
3. "Right Here Waiting For You" - Richard Marx
4. "Against All Odds" - Phil Collins
5. "Everybody Hurts" - R.E.M.
6. "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" - Michael Bolton
7. "Nothing Compares to You" - Sinead O'Connor
8. "The End" - The Doors

I gotta go with Deacon Blues.

Here's one of the few things I've ever found worth linking from the Pocket Fives forums. How to deal with a telemarketer.



This was a semi-interesting thread, in a twisted kind of way. The thread offered many, many stories on the topic and I'm posting a few for you right now. Enjoy:

Fights in Poker Rooms

The thread about the Friedman vs. Lisandro exchange at the WSOP caused me to reflect on poker room fights. The fact is that after playing thousands of hours in private games and more than 100 poker rooms in eight countries, I have never seen a decent fight in a poker room.

I've seen yelling matches, shoving matches and a few punches-thrown-but-barely-landed matches. I saw one guy make a half-assed swipe at another player with a pen knife. I heard a couple of guys threaten to go out to their cars and get guns and one guy
fire a gun in the rest room, but not at any one. The truth is, I've only seen two fights that resulted in hospital visits and they both happened out side the poker room in parking lots. So my advice; don't get too worried about players who talk tough at the table - the dangerous ones are the bastards that wait for you outside.

Irish Mike

----------


Well, I was involved in two knock down drag out fights in New Orleans twenty years ago. Blood and hair flying everywhere. I kicked their ass, I'm happy to say.

And if either one of those women were to laugh at my raise again, I'd do it all over.

Doug


-----


Re: Fights in Poker Rooms

Do not mess with asians. I'm thinking of one asian country in particular but for you white-boys who can't tell, you would do well not to mess with them in general.

I've seen a small asian gangster coldcock someone twice his size in a cardroom while the other guy was still seated. I've heard the local story of another asian cutting a dealer's neck with a broken bottle (He is in jail.) I've had several dealers at this cardroom confirm that story. There is also a story from the San Jose Mercury newspaper of a private card game that ended with a meat cleaver in someone's head. This story is only a few months old. All of the attackers were asian and from the same country of origin.

I saw the same thing when I was in Thailand. Asians have a lot of pent-up napoleonic hulk fury. Many stories abound about the unsuspecting farang who gets in a heated argument with a club owner, cabbie, etc. and ends up beaten to death or near death. They are all smiles until you go to far and then they will forget any respect for your life.

And I'm not talking about kung-fu skills. Asians, particulary the ones that are predisposed to violence, tend to travel in wolfpacks. You've been warned.


---------------


Re: Fights in Poker Rooms

Not that has anything to do with San Te's possible xenophobia... but I was playing at a card room in Sacramento a few months ago when a full brawl broke out. A big white guy in a business shirt started yelling at a little Asian guy. The big guy stood up and kept yelling saying they could take it outside, blah blah blah.

The little Asian guy stood up after a few seconds and clocked the big dude with two really, really, fast punches. One could hear the second one connect well. The big guy fell back and the other players intervened. Both were kicked out, of course.

The best part was when our dealer yelled at the dealer at the fight table (a little white guy), "Hey Jeff. Control your table."

--------------------

Re: Fights in Poker Rooms

I've seen a couple of confrontations actually get to the point of fights, at the Taj. Neither took place in the poker room, but outside on the walkway between the poker room and the casino. One actually developed into a decent brawl because it was a weekday afternoon, and the security that first responded, well, let's just say they looked like some of the older folk "playing" keno. They just happened to be wearing uniforms. AC Bike Police had to put it down, and man, did they.

Now, the comical confrontations between the elderly, there were billions of those. It was amazing how many times they came to blows (or what would be considered so for someone that age). And there was no gender divisions... seen an older woman get face to face with another elderly gentleman and need to be broken up, and an old guy slap an old lady in the face.

Most people would find these things sad, but I found them funny, and you could set your watch to it when you went to the Taj. I haven't played there regularly for awhile, so I don't know if it's calmed down any or if the new, younger crowd gets into it as well.

That room just used to be so damn surly. I made comments a few times that I didn't want to be there when someone inevitably shot the place up. If something like that is gonna happen, it's going to be the person you least expect, and that place was full of 'em.


----------


Re: Fights in Poker Rooms

There have been a couple of "minor" incidents in local games here in my home town. A certain guy doesn't react well when he busts out. He has knocked chips over and in some cases thrown chips at the player who busted him - along with a few choice words ... (I have been the "victim" of his outbursts on more than one occassion.)

It all came to a head last Monday night when this guy threatened to go out to his car and get his glock. (I think a glock is an Israeli firearm, but I'm not a weapons expert.) The guy he said this to took it kind of personal and lifted this guy up off the floor - by his neck! It was kind of funny watching this blowhard flailing around while frantically trying to get his cell phone and call 911.

He hasn't returned to our game since then.

Well hell, I'm getting a smidge toasty here. God bless the uber post, even in these dark times.

If you enjoy this silly poker blog, please consider signing up with one of my two sponsors. They are, after all, giving me the incentive to continue ubering it up for ya'll. I hope some of you take the time to sign up with them. I'm willing to grovel damnit!
Poker Stars
Full Tilt Poker

Whew. Thanks for reading.

But wait! There's more!

What. The. Hell?
The following was posted to RGP and even though I have firm rule about not reading all-caps text, I actually got sucked in and read this crazy nut. Classic stuff.

MEMORABLE HANDS FOR TWOPLUSTWO READERS

HEY ONLINE CHUMPS,

I SEE THAT THE INTRODUCTION OF THE NEW BILL HAS CHANGED THE ONLINE POKER WORLD. WELL, CHANGE CAN BE A DISTURBING THING FOR THE IGNORAMACES WHICH POPULATE THE ONLINE POKER WORLD. DON'T THINK SO? GO TALK TO ALL THE THIRD RATE WEB PROGRAMMERS THAT USE TO MANAGE AFFILIATE PROGRAMS. THEY USE TO FUND THEIR HIGH STAKES GAMBLING HABITS WITH AFFILIATE PROFITS BUT NOW THEY ARE REDUCED TO MAKING UPDATES TO GAY PORN SITES AND MONITORING POKER MESSAGE BOARDS. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO NEED THE SOOTHING COMFORT OF THE PAST, I PRESENT SOME OF THE BEST HANDS IVE PLAYED. I'LL EVEN LET YOU CAST A VOTE FOR YOUR LEAST FAVORITE STORY. JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO GIVE A DAMN.

[b]HAND VS SKLANSKY[/b]

HEY COWPIES,

TOURNAMENT PLAYERS MUST BE SOME OF THE DUMBEST PEOPLE ON EARTH. THEY WILL STARE AT YOU FOR ETERNITY AND STILL NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WELL, WHEN I PLAYED AGAINST SOME DUMB CHUMP AT THE BELLAGIO IT WAS NO DIFFERENT. THE CHUMP I AM TALKING ABOUT IS SOME UNKNOWN POKER PLAYER THAT CLAIMED HE IS THE AUTHOR OF MANY POKER BOOKS. THE PIG COULD NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT THE GAP CONCEPT AND HOW THE EV OF A STACK DIFFERS DEPENDING ON THE CURRENT SITUATION. WHAT A CONCEITED MORON.

THE DUMB LUMP STARTS EATING AN EGGROLL AND THEN OPEN RAISES IN FIRST POSITION. I
AM SITTING TO HIS LEFT AND CALL WITH EIGHT THREE OFFSUIT. THE DUMB PIG SPITS SOME FOOD OUT IN MY DIRECTION WHILE MAKING A COMMENT. HE SAYS, "YOU MUST HAVE A VERY STRONG HAND. YOU NEED A STRONGER HAND TO JUST CALL INSTEAD OF RERAISING; THAT IS CALLED THE GAP CONCEPT. I AM THE GENIUS THAT COINED IT." I DEFINITELY NEED TO TEACH THIS GUY A LESSON. IF THIS FAT CHUMP IS LUCKY I WILL BUST HIM BEFORE THE BUFFET CLOSES. BIG BLIND CALLS AND IT IS THREE HANDED TO SEE THE FLOP. SMALL BLIND CHECKS, THE CHUMP OPENS WITH A POT BET. I LOOK AT FLOP AND IT IS ACE KING THREE. I CALL AND BIG BLIND FOLDS. THE TURN IS AN EIGHT OF SPADES. THE LUMP BETS INTO MY TWO PAIRS. I RAISE THE POT AS I COMMENT ABOUT HIS HAND. "DONT GET THOSE CARDS ALL GREASY YOU FAT LUMP. TWO PAIRS AND A FLUSH DRAW IS NO GOOD." SHOCKED, THE LUMP HESITATANTLY CALLS. THEY ALWAYS GET INTIMIDATED WHEN I PREDICT THEIR HOLE CARDS IN MIDHAND. THE THREE OF HEARTS ON THE RIVER MAKES MY BOAT. THE LUMP DONK BETS THE POT, I QUICKLY MOVE THE REST OF MY CHIPS IN. HE STARES AT ME AND THEN STARTS MUTTERING NUMBERS UNDER HIS BREATH. I BARELY HEAR THE WORDS, "ONE COMBINATION FOR ACES, ONE COMBINATION FOR KINGS, FOUR COMBINATIONS FOR ACE KING, SIX COMBINATIONS FOR QUEENS..." THE DONKEY STARES AT ME FOR ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES AND CALLS. I SHOW MY BOAT AND TAKE HIS STACK. THE PIG TRIED TO MUCK FACE DOWN BUT I INSISTED ON SEEING HIS CARDS. HE HAD ACE KING OF SPADES. I EXCLAIM, "WHAT DID YOU THINK I HAD? QUEENS? PIG, YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT TOURMAMENT POKER. NEVER FORGET MY FACE." OF COURSE, I FINISHED WINNING THE TOURNAMENT IN A FEW HOURS SO I HEADED OFF TO THE BUFFET. ON MY WAY TO THE BUFFET RESTROOM I PASS BY THAT FAT LUMP WHO IS STILL EATING MORE EGGROLLS. ONCE INSIDE THE
RESTROOM I GET ATTACKED FROM BEHIND. NO PLAYER HAD EVER ATTACKED ME JUST BECAUSE I KNOCKED HIM OUT OF A TOURNAMENT. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO REACT. I TRIED TO DEFEND MYSELF BUT HE WAS SO FAT THAT I COULDN'T GET HIM OFF ME. HE THEN TORE MY PANTS OFF. I NEED TO TALK DELICATELY HERE. HE GOT ON TOP OF ME AND REPEATEDLY INSERTED EGGROLLS INTO MY ANATOMY. "THERE YOU GO, YOUR GAP IS BEING FILLED". WHEN HE WAS DONE, HE SAID "LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU, LEARN THE GAP CONCEPT AND NEVER FORGET THE FACE OF DAVID SKLANSKY". I WAS THE ONE WHO REALLY ENDED UP ON TOP. IT WAS HIS STACK THAT PROPELLED ME TO WIN THE TOURNAMENT AND THE MONIES. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU DUMB CHUMPS.


[b]HAND VS SCHNEIDS AND POKERBOB[/b]

HEY DEGENERATE SCUMBAGS,

I WOULD LIKE TO MENTION HOW PLEASED I AM WITH THE NEW BILL. THANK YOU BILL FRIST FOR MAKING MY MONTH OF OCTOBER ESPECIALLY DELIGHTFUL. MANY OF YOU DUMB PIGS ARE WONDERING WHY I AM SO HAPPY? SIMPLE, WITH THE DOWNFALL OF SOME OF THE ONLINE GAMBLING SITES, MANY OF YOU DEGENERATE CHUMPS WILL ACTUALLY HAVE TO FIND JOBS THAT BENEFIT SOCIETY LIKE BAGGIN MY GROCERIES. SOME OF YOU MAY FIND A WAY TO TEN TABLE THE FIFTY CENT ONE DOLLAR TABLES FOR FIFTY HOURS A WEEK, YSSCKY. FOR ALL THE OTHER DUMB LUMPS THAT CANNOT FIND JOBS IN THE REAL WORLD, PLEASE DONT BECOME A POKER OR BLACKJACK DEALER AT YOUR LOCAL CASINO. THEY ARE ALREADY FILLED WITH ENOUGH DIM WITTED WORKERS THAT CAN'T DO THEIR JOBS.

SCHNEIDS AND MICROBOB WERE PLAYING AT A $3/6 LIMIT HOLDEM TABLE AT THE BELLAGIO WITH FIVE PLAYERS. I SAT DOWN AS THE SIXTH PLAYER. YOU WOULD THINK THAT SCHNEIDS AND POKERBOB WERE AN ITEM BASED ON HOW THEY ACTED AT THE POKER TABLE. THEY WERE CUDDLING WITH EACH OTHER - IT WAS SO DISGUSTING I ALMOST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH. I SAW A GLIMPSE INTO THEIR MAN-BAGS. THEY BOTH HAD A KEY TO THE SAME HOTEL ROOM. THEY WEREN'T ROOM
KEYS TO THE BELLAGIO BUT I AM SURE THEY WERE KEYS TO SOME TWO STAR HOTEL OUT OF TOWN. UNDER THE GUN RAISES, I VALUE CALL WITH NINE THREE. SCHNEIDS RERAISES AND POKERBOB CALLS THE THREE COLD. WHAT A BUNCH OF DUMB LUMPS. ALL THEY ARE DOING IS PUTTING IN MORE MONEY INTO THE POT SO I WIN MORE WHEN I HIT. UNDER THE GUN RERAISES I CALL AND SCHNEIDS RERAISES. NEEDLESS TO SAY, ALL THAT RAISING DIDNT GET BOB OUT. I SAY TO
THEM, "HEY DUMB PIGS, THIS ISNT THE USUAL $1/2 LIMIT HOLDEM YOU GUYS USUALLY PLAY FOR. PEOPLE HERE DONT FOLD TO WEAK RAISES IN LATE POSITION" I CAN SEE THE SWEAT DRIPPING OFF THEIR CHIN AS THEY REALIZED THAT I FIGURED THEIR GAMES OUT. THE FLOP IS JACK FOUR THREE. UNDER THE GUN BETS AND EVERYONE CALLS. THIS IS NOT SURPRISING. THE TURN IS A SIX. I TELL THE PIGS, "THE FASTER I BUST YOU GUYS THE FASTER YOU TWO CAN CUDDLE IN YOUR LITTLE HOTEL ROOM AND SIIHP." I THINK THEY GOT A LITTLE UPSET AT THE COMMENT BECAUSE WHEN IT WAS CHECKED TO SCHNEIDS HE BET AND POKERBOB TILT RAISED. I CALL THE TWO BETS. SCHNEIDS RERAISED AND POKERBOB JUST CALLS. I CALL THE THIRD BET. AT THIS POINT I HAVE A FEELING THAT ONE OF THE TWO DUMB TWOPLUSTWOERS WILL POST THIS IN SOME FORUM. I AM WILLING TO BET THAT IT WILL BE SLIGHTLY ALTERED TO SAVE BOTH OF THEM ANY EMBARRASSMENT. THE RIVER IS A NINE, GIVING ME TWO PAIRS. THE OVER AGGRESSIVE FAT PIG SAYS "I BET FOR VALUETOWN." THE OTHER PIG FOLDS. I SIT THERE LAUGHING. I SAY "WHAT KIND OF HUMP SAYS 'I BET FOR VALUETOWN.' THAT IS THE DUMBEST PHRASE I HAVE EVER HEARD. "I CALL AND SCHNEIDS SHOWS TEN TEN NOTHING MORE THAN A PAIR OF TENS. I SAY, "TWO PAIRS, SHIP IT!" I FLIP OVER NINE THREE AND RAKE IN THE POT. LATER THAT EVENING, I TOOK A WALK ALONG THE STRIP. TWO OBESE MEN KNOCK ME DOWN, BLINDFOLD ME AND TAKE ME TO SOME ROOM AT A DESERTED HOTEL. THEY PIN ME DOWN AND PROCEEED TO PULL MY PANTS DOWN TO MY ANKLES. THIS IS THE DELICATE PART. THEY TAKE TURNS TEABAGGING ME IN THE FACE AND SAY "HOW DO YOU LIKE THESE TWO PAIRS? WELCOME TO A PLACE WE LIKE TO CALL VALUETOWN. YOU WILL REMEMBER THE DAY WE SIIYP." NO MAN SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS. THE INCIDENT LASTED FOR SEVERAL HOURS UNTIL THEY WERE SATISFIED. WHEN I REGAINED CONCIOUSNESS I WAS ON THE STRIP. I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS REALLY SATISFIED; I DEPLETED THEIR ROLLS AT THE $3/6 TABLE. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU DUMB CHUMPS.


[b]HAND VS TEXASLIMITKING[/b]

HEY MAGGOTS,

I SEE TWOPLUSTWOERS STILL DATAMINE HIGH LIMIT GAMES AT ONLINE POKER SITES. STOP DROOLING ON HOW MUCH PLAYERS LIKE ME MAKE OFF CHUMPS LIKE YOU. JUST BECAUSE PLAYERS LIKE ME MAKE MORE IN A DAY THAN YOUR MOM AND DAD MAKE TOGETHER IN A YEAR CLEANING PUBLIC TOILETS DOESNT MEAN YOU SHOULD FOLLOW US AROUND RECORDING EVERY HAND WE PLAY. ALSO, STOP POSTING THE HAND HISTORIES ON THE FORUMS, THEY ARE A WASTE OF TIME FOR
SOPHISTICATED PLAYERS AND DUMB PIGS LIKE YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE LEVEL OF THINKING INVOLVED.

THE BELLAGIO WAS FILLED WITH PLAYERS. I COULD TELL THAT AN INFLUX OF YOUNG ONLINE PLAYERS POPULATED THE ROOM BECAUSE THE PLACE SMELLED LIKE ZIT CREAM AND BODY ODOR. GAMES WERE UNUSUALLY SLOW TOO. THOSE UGLY HUMPS STARED AT THE BELLAGIO COCKTAIL WAITRESSES AS IF THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN A GIRL UP CLOSE. PEOPLE WERE SAYING THAT A GUY THAT GOES BY THE ONLINE NAME TEXASLIMITKING WAS TAKING UP HEADSUP CHALLENGES. WELL, I
ALSO HEARD THAT TEXASLIMITKING WAS A TWOPLUSTWOER AND WENT BY THE MONIKER ALEX123. WHAT A STUPID SCREENNAME, WHY 123? THINK OF SOMETHING MORE CLEVER, YOU DUMB LUMP. I WAS A BIT SKEPTICAL THAT HE WAS A TWOPLUSTWOER BUT WHEN I WALKED UP TO HIM, HIS STENCH CONFIRMED IT. I KNOW THAT CHUMPS LIKE HIM DON'T THINK PAST THE SECOND LEVEL SO I SIT DOWN TO PLAY WITH HIM. ON THE FIRST HAND I AM DEALT FIVE THREE OFFSUIT.

I RAISE HIS BIG BLIND AND THE HUMP RERAISES. I CALL. I MADE A REQUEST TO THE DEALER, "HEY, MINIMUM WAGE EARNER, PAIR ME UP ON THE FLOP." THE FLOP COMES QUEEN FIVE FOUR. TWO OF THEM ARE SPADES. NEITHER OF MY HOLECARDS ARE SPADES. THE CHUMP CONTINUES BETTING, I RAISE, HE RERAISES AND I CALL. A TEN OF SPADES COMES ON THE TURN. HE LEADS GAIN WITH A BET. I CALL. I FIGURE A RAISE WILL JUST MAKE HIM FOLD SO I PREFER TO
LET HIM THROW HIS MONEY AWAY. SOME TWOPLUSTWOERS OUT THERE WILL NOT UNDERSTAND THAT CONCEPT, JUST ACCEPT IT AS HIGHER LEVEL THINKING THAT YOU WILL NEVER REACH. THE RIVER IS A SEVEN OF SPADES. HE BETS. I SMELL A BLUFF IN ADDITION TO SMELLING HIS OVERWHELMING BODY ODOR. USUALLY I RAISE FOR VALUE BUT I DONT WANT HIM TO CALL WITH SOMETHING LIKE ACE OF KING HIGH AND THINK I MARKED THE CARDS. I CALL. HE FLIPS OVER HIS KING JACK OF CLUBS FOR KING HIGH. I TABLE FIVE THREE FOR A PAIR. HE GETS ENRAGED AND SAYS, "THAT HAND JUST COST YOU MY ACTION." HE GRABS A CANE FROM AN ELDERLY MAN AT THE TABLE. HE STARTS BEATING ME DOWN WITH IT. WHILE I'M HALF CONCIOUS, HE STRIPS ME NAKED. IT'S DELICATE TIME. HE BEGAN PERPETRATING A CARNAL ACT ON ME. BUT, HE NOT ONLY USED HIS YOU-KNOW-WHAT BUT ALSO USED THE CANE ON ME AS WELL. HE EVEN VIOLATED ME WITH HIMSELF AND THE CANE AT THE SAME TIME. IT WAS AT THIS MOMENT THAT HE SAID "THIS BEATING IS THE ONLY ACTION YOU WILL EVER GET OUT OF ME." NEVERTHELESS, THE POKER ACTION HE GAVE ME WAS ENOUGH FOR ME TO CASH IN AND STOP PLAYING FOR THE EVENING. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU DUMB CHUMPS.


[b]HAND VS MARK[/b]

HEY SWINES,

I AM SO SICK OF ONLINE CHUMPS TAKING SHOTS AT THE HIGHER LIMITS AND CRYING AFTER LOSING THEIR BUYIN. MORONS, STICK TO THE NORMAL $2-$4 LIMIT GAMES. I KNOW MANY OF YOU ONLINE SCUMBAGS PLAY UNDER ROLLED, LOSE IT ALL AND THEN PUT ON YOUR BEST MUSIC AND CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP. I DONT WANT TO HEAR YOUR SOB STORIES OR SEE YOUR DOWNWARDS POKERGRAPHS IN BBV. CRY ME A RIVER YOU DUMB PIGS.

HERE IS AN ONLINE HAND I PLAYED AGAINST A FRIEND. WE'LL CALL HIM "MARK" SINCE HE'S SUCH AN EASY TARGET FOR MY SOPHISTICATED POKER PLAYS. I AM SITTING AT A $100/200 LIMIT HOLDEM TABLE AT PARTYPOKER. WELL, I AM UNDER THE GUN AND THIS IDIOT SITS DOWN TO MY LEFT WITH THE MIN BUYIN OF $1000 AND POSTS. HE MUST BE DESPERATE FOR ACTION. I WILL BE SURE TO GIVE HIM SOME. I TURN THE CHAT BOX BACK TO SUMMARY PLUS CHAT. I USUALLY LEAVE CHAT OFF SO I DONT HAVE TO READ WHAT THE IDIOTS AT MY TABLE ARE SAYING WHEN I BEAT THEM. THE DUMB PIG SAYS HELLO TO SOME OF HIS FRIENDS WHICH AFTER I CONFIRM AS UKNOWN TWOPLUSTWOERS. NO WONDER I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN KILLING THIS GAME. I AM UTG AND IVE GOT ACE ACE. I USUALLY DONT LIKE PLAYING THIS CHEESE. I LIMP TO KEEP THE HUMPS HAPPY.

MARK RAISES WITH HIS MINISCULE STACK, EVERYONE FOLDS AND I CALL. THE FLOP COMES JACK JACK JACK. I TYPE INTO THE CHATBOX, "MARK WHY ARE YOU PLAYING SUCH HIGH LIMITS? YOU ARE DUMBER THAN YOU LOOK, YOU UGLY COW. DID YOU INSTACASH FOR THE OTHER $900 SO YOU COULD BUY INTO THIS GAME?" THE PIG REPLIES TO MY QUESTION THROUGH THE CHAT BOX. HE MUST BE A SLOW TYPER BECAUSE IT TOOK HIM A WHILE. HE WROTE, "I DECIDED THAT I WANTED TO PLAY THE PARTY $100/$200 GAME ONCE BEFORE THEY CUTOFF THE US PLAYERS." IGNORAMACES OF THE ONLINE POKER WORLD DONT KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY ADJUST TO CHANGE. I BET INTO MARK ON THE ALL JACKS FLOP. I DECIDED THAT I BETTER NOT SLOW PLAY THIS, FISH LIKE HIM ALWAYS PAY ME OFF. I THINK THIS INFURIATED HIM BECAUSE HE QUICKLY RAISED. LIKE MOST
TWOPLUSTWOERS HE MISPLAYS THE HAND WHEN FACING A DONK BET. I RERAISED BECAUSE FASTPLAY IS THE NEW SLOWPLAY. HE CALLS. THE TURN IS AN ACE. I TYPE INTO THE CHATBOX, "YOU ARE TAKING A SHOT AT THE HIGH LIMITS, BORED ARE WE? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU KNEW HOW TO PLAY LIMIT HOLDEM." I THINK HE GOT EVEN MORE STEAMED BECAUSE AFTER I BET HE RAISED AND RERAISED ME THE LAST OF HIS CHIPS. THE RIVER WAS THE LAST ACE. "JUST
PLAYING MY A GAME" HE TYPES IN. I SHOW MY FOUR OF A KIND ACES. LIKE AN IDIOT, HE MUST HAVE TURNED OFF AUTO MUCK BECAUSE HE SHOWS ME JACK TWO OF DIAMONDS. PERHAPS HE WAS TRYING TO ELICIT EMPATHY FOR HIS POOR PLAY. I TYPE INTO THE CHATBOX "MY AA GAME PWN3D UR A GAME YOU WASTE OF SKIN." I FALL OUT OF MY CHAIR LAUGHING AT THE "$0" NEXT TO HIS
SCREENNAME. IT'S DELICATE TIME. FOR A FACT, IF HE HAD BEEN IN THE ROOM WITH ME HE WOULD HAVE PINNED ME DOWN WITH HIS OVERDEVELOPED RUMP AND SLOWLY VIOLATE ME WITH THE COMPUTER MOUSE. I TOOK SATISFACTION WHEN CASHING OUT OF PARTYPOKER KNOWING THAT I TOOK HIS WHOLE ROLL. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU DUMB CHUMPS.

[b]HAND VS MSGLUCK[/b]

TWOPLUSTWO HAS CHANGED FOR THE WORSE. THERE ARE SO MANY USELESS FORUMS AND THREADS BEING CREATED EVERYDAY THAT ANYONE WITH A LIFE WOULDN'T HAVE TIME TO SIFT THROUGH ALL THE FORUMS. SOME EXAMPLES ARE THE OTHER TOPICS SECTION AND NVG. PERHAPS ONE DAY, THE FAT PIGS AT TWOPLUSTWO WILL UPGRADE THE SEARCH ENGINE INSTEAD OF DESIGNING UGLY SKINS AND CREATING USELESS FORUMS AND THREADS. A PRIME EXAMPLE OF A WASTE OF A THREAD IS "ANY QUESTIONS" BY MSGLUCK. THAT THREAD HAS DESPERATE TWOPLUSTWOERS CHASING AFTER SOME THIRD RATE FEMALE POKER PLAYER. SHE SHOULD TRY MATCH.COM OR EHARMONY IF SHE NEEDS TO HOOK UP. MSGLUCK, STOP PLAYING POKER. YOUR SKILLS ARE SUBPAR AND BELONG IN THE KITCHEN MAKING BISCUITS FROM SCRATCH.

I DISCOVERED HER POOR POKER SKILLS FROM A $80/160 HAND AT COMMERCE. JUST A BIT OF HISTORY, I HAVE BEEN HITTING SETS WITH MY POCKET PAIRS AND WON EIGHT OF THE LAST NINE HANDS I PLAYED. NO SURPRISE. I AM ON THE BUTTON AND AM DEALT TWO TWO. SHE RAISES UNDER THE GUN. ANOTHER PLAYER RERAISES. I DECIDE TO TEACH THIS SO CALLED POKER PLAYER HOW TO REALLY PLAY THE GAME AND CALL THREE BETS. I FEEL GOOD AND SAY, "I GOTTA PLAY
MY HOT STREAKS." SHE RERAISES. I CALL. I TELL HER, "RISKING $240 TO BUST YOU IS NOTHING FOR A HIGH STAKES PLAYER LIKE ME." SHE JUST LAUGHS AT ME. THE FLOP COMES KING NINE FIVE. SHE BETS. I RAISE HER SAYING "ACE KING NO GOOD, HONEY" SHE ROLLS HER EYES AND RERAISES ME. I SMOOTH CALL. THE TURNS BRINGS AN ACE AND SHE BETS INTO ME AGAIN.
I RAISE, SHE RERAISES. I CAP IT. SHE CALLS. I TELL HER, "DON'T TANGLE WITH ME WHEN I AM RUNNING HOT. YOU WILL GET BURNED" THE RIVER CARD COMES THE TWO. SHE STUPIDLY BETS INTO ME. NORMALLY I WOULD RAISE BUT I WANTED TO MAKE SURE SHE HAD SOME EXTRA MONEY TO MAKE SOME BISCUITS. I KNOW SHE HAD ACE KING SO I FLIP IMMEDIATELY FLIPPED OVER MY
HAND, TWO TWO FOR BOTTOM SET. SHE MUCKS ACE KING FACE UP AND STARTS TO WHINE. SHE SAYS, "HOW COULD YOU CALL THREE BETS WITH POCKET TWOS? THAT HAND CANT STAND THAT MUCH HEAT" I EXPLAIN, "I HAD A FEELING". I TELL HER SHE DOESN'T BELONG IN THE SAME GAME WITH ME. LATER THAT NIGHT WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER IN THE PARKING LOT. IT WAS DARK AND VISBILITY WAS LOW LIKE NORMAL. I TELL HER SHE SHOULD PROBABLY BE PLAYING $2-4 OR LOWER IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE HER ENTIRE BANKROLL. THEN SHE SMACKED ME ACROSS THE HEAD AND KICKED ME IN THE GROIN. NEXT THING I KNEW SHE HAD ME BENT OVER THE BACK OF A CAR AND WAS UNDRESSING ME. I'LL HAVE TO PUT THIS NEXT PART DELICATELY - I THEN DISTINCTLY FELT MYSELF BEING PENATRATED BY A HOT FOREIGN OBJECT. SHE CONSTANTLY WHISPERS, "DO YOU FEEL IT?" WHEN SHE WAS DONE CERTAIN PARTS OF MY INNER ANATOMY WAS BURNING. SHE SAYS "WHO'S ON A HOT STREAK NOW" AND LAUGHED. I GOT THE LAST LAUGH THOUGH. I'VE GOT HER MONEY. SEE YA WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU DUMB CHUMPS.


PS THE DUMB MODS AT TWOPLUSTWO DELETED MY THREAD AND BANNED MY ACCOUNT. THEY MUST BE BITTER THAT I TAKE ALL THEIR MONIES WHEN WE ARE AT THE TABLE.

At work, we've been repositioning our agency and focusing on passion/luxury marketing. I think the new buzzword for this is Rocketing. And on our business cards everyone is required to pick an image that reflects something they "indulge" themselves in. A luxury. A passion. It can't be a spouse or kids, cause hell, we ALL love our family. It was to be something that you are aspiring to treat yourself to.

For the sake of bad examples, let's say someone was dying to travel to Italy. To explore their family heritage, eat the food, soak up the culture. So they were saving their pennies to do so. For them, a picture of Italy would reflect that.

For the car guys out there, it could be an Aston-Martin. And so on.

This was a tough one for me. I have many varied interests - narrowing it down to the essence of "me" was going to be difficult. Of course, it woulda been a no-brainer if some Mick bastard in the office hadn't already chosen a pint of Guinness.

And so, as I mulled it over, I slowly realized that poker was it. But how best to explore poker as metaphor? To capture the essence of what it means to me, personally, on many levels?

So I received my business cards on Friday.

And there printed on it, in full colour, was the two of diamonds and the seven of spades.

That, my friends, is how warped proud I am of this entire little scene.

Of course, a few folks asked about the Hammer.

"Isn't that a terrible hand for poker?" they inquired.

"Absolutely. It's the worst hand you can possibly have," I answered proudly.

"Um, OK. So why would you put that hand on your card then? I thought you knew a lot about poker..." I was asked open endedly.

Which then allowed me to give a little sermon about how poker, at it's core, wasn't necessarily a card game as much as it is a people game played with cards.

Sometimes, at a certain level, the cards simply don't matter.

It can also be a nice metaphor for this little community we have.

So allow me to post this great Hammer hand from the past WSOP. Rafe Furst versus The Hammer at the final table:



Ok, now I'm really done. The urge to blurt out Bonus Code IGGY right now is VERY strong. I am trying my best to resist.

Here's an old classic. I've seen this posted elsewhere, but it's too freaking funny not to do so here. Anyone who knows the history of WWII and who has played online games with kids who talk in l33t-sp33k should appreciate the humour in this.

If World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for
****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*


-----------------------------------------------------------------


Link of the Day:
Massively Moronic Online Role Playing Game

According to this cautionary tale by a former guildmaster, World of Warcraft players are like senior citizens who spend their entire waking lives attached to nickel slot machines, only not as cool:

I just left WoW permanently. I was a leader in one of the largest and most respected guilds in the world, a well-equipped and well-versed mage, and considered myself to have many close friends in my guild. ...

I know of children and spouses being forced to play and grind for their parents, threats of divorce, rampant neglect, failing grades in school, and thousands of dollars spent on "outsourcing" foreign help. For what, you ask? Honor. The desire to be the best for at least one week. To get the best loot in the game. What do these "heroes" receive? Why, cheers and accolades of course as they parade along in their new shiny gear ... which is obsolete the first time they step into one of the premier instances. The accomplishment and sacrifice itself are meaningless a few days later. Then it's usually off to the races again.

Warning: If your fondest wish is for people to think you are "well-equipped," and you aren't referring to your penis, it's time to take a break from power-leveling your character.