Friday, February 29, 2008

Dwarf Babies and Brandi/Naami Hawbaker - Please leave me alone! 

StB is giving me some hell for not reporting on the Cincinnati dwarf who just gave birth so here's the link: Woman Gives Birth to Baby Nearly Her Own Size

Also, Chad Johnson appeared at the local PF Chang's I was eating lunch at today. I implored him not to leave Cincy. He just laughed.

And the Brandi -- Naami Hawbaker sickness continues. This just makes me sad.

But in case the post gets deleted for legal or other reasons, I gotta blog it here.


Brandi/Naami Hawbaker -Please leave me alone!

Hi All -- Adam Slutsky here from Bluff Magazine...

While I never intended to contribute my $0.67 on the Brandi/Naami drama, I simply couldn't resist.

For some time now, she's been e-mailing me ad nauseam, keeping me informed of all her wacky antics.

I admit, when I first met Brandi nearly two yrs ago in Sin City at Caesars Palace, I thought she was cute, charming and very interesting.

She told me about some of her crazy adventures and we discussed doing a story about her rather unusual life.

But as time went on, it became VERY obvious that she: a) is surrounded by drama no thespian could ever match; b) has some kind of agenda in regards to self-promotion; and c) has more issues than Marvel Comics.

I recently e-mailed her back, informed her I wouldn't be doing the story, wished her the best of luck with all her endeavors, and finished by asking her to kindly refrain from e-mailing me any more.

Well, she took that about as well as a $5 hooker takes $1 for services rendered. She fired back another insane diatribe that burned my eyes like Clorox bleach. Yeesh!

So... For your reading pleasure, here's a few of her wackier e-mails, in which she describes her bisexuality, getting her "snug" pierced, and moving to Thailand, among other interesting tidbits. Enjoy!

Sent to me on 2/8/08

It's all so ridiculous that there is no point in my stirring things up
with facts, might as well keep it on the level it's on. There's always
going to be haters out there. I'm letting it fall of my back and am not
going to worry much about it. At the end of the day, I know what's true
and what's not true. My friends know what is true and stand by me... To be
honest, that's all that really matters. The rest of it is just the turmoil
that comes with being fabulous.

But I would love to do something with you right before the WSOP...

I'm just playing online till then and working on my self and body. I'd
like to move up from an "8" to a "10". So I'm having a bit of work done...
mainly just boobs. Although I am not going too big. I thought it over and
even though I do not feel that I need them, at the end of the day it's all
about money. And if a little bit of cleavage is going to get these
slobbering fools thinking about anything other than the mathematics of
poker, then that's obviously more money for me.

So yes, if you still want to... let's do something maybe in April or May.
I still have the questions you sent me before but if you'd like to create
new ones that is fine too. And if you come to LA or Vegas, let me know.
I'm mainly in LA now but I would of course love to see you.

~ Naami

PS. In case even you were wondering... NO, that is NOT me in that horrible

Sent to me on 2/12/08

Adam ~

I won't say much about that situation other than it is a classic case of a man falling in love with a girl who doesn't reciprocate those feelings. I was never "with" him. I never slept with him. I had thought he was a friend...

I never thought anything would turn so ugly like that. And the worst part
is, after everything he has done to me, he is still texting my phone and
sending me poetry online. Sick. I have a restraining order on him and he
has violated every sanction of that.

Between you and I... I was never a prostitute but I am not claiming to be
an angel. Of course I danced, I spent 6 years backpacking around the world
and doing volunteer work, etc.... It afforded all of that. One year, when
I was I think 22, I was in 8 different countries in 3 different
continents. (I went from LA to NYC in January then off to South Beach in
Miami, the Bahamas, and Cuba. Then flew back to NYC, then Vegas, then LA,
then South Korea and Japan. Back to LA and NYC and Vegas, then to New
Zealand, and French Polynesia. Then back to the States, then back to New
Zealand, then Fiji Islands, then back to the States.)

It's not something I regret.

I did get temporarily barred from a couple casinos in my early 20s for
being like Sharon Stone in Casino. I used to sneak chips from high rollers
and pocket them. Unfortunately now that I am older, I realize that I
probably wouldn't have had a problem with it if I had given the pit bosses
huge tips. I don't think they really minded my flirting and taking
chips... only the fact that they weren't getting their cut.

Anyway, I've been doing very well in the online tourneys. I placed deep in
the FTOPS Event #9 which just took place. Then played a $70 single table
satellite for the $216 multi-table satellite for the $1,060 FTOP Event
#10. In both satellites I finished FIRST place. In the Event #10 I got
some back luck, I outlasted nearly 3/4 of the field and there were only
about 200 remaining until the start of the pay out. I had 12 times the big
blind and went all in with AK only to be called by KQ. The flop came down
KQ blank. It sucks that I didn't make the money, but at least I looked
good busting out. Pre-flop I was a 3:1 favorite. I'll take those odds any

Mostly my game online is multi-table sngs. I'm tearing those up. Out of
the past 30 or so, of them that I've played, I've had 3 first place
finishes, one 2nd place, one 3rd place, two 6 place finishes, one 7th, and
two 9ths.

Otherwise I sometimes play HU limit. This morning I beat Dustin "Neverwin"
Wolfe out of over $800 playing HU 8-16. I think he is a scum bag, so of
course.... That felt nice!!!!

Hope your day is going great! Peace and good wishes!!!

~ Naami

Sent to me on 2/13/08

Personally from my own PR standpoint, I think it would be better if we
waited until right before the WSOP. Maybe sometime in April or early May.
I'm kind of just laying low until that time anyway. I would like to have my "enhancements" done by then. I will need new pictures. Is there someone from Bluff that can shoot me?

I also think it would work better for you guys to wait as well, because
things will have quieted down a little bit by then and then the fire would
start up and people would be hungry for their "brandi fix" and clamoring
to read my side of things and what I've been up to.

If that doesn't work though, I obviously don't want to lose the
opportunity to have a great story done on me. I've always respected you as a person, friend, and fellow creative mind and I know the story is going to be awesome.

I have a little game plan that I'm putting in to work right now for the
WSOP and my image. Since I'm already the "bad (or wild and crazy) girl" of
poker... Let's just say that I plan to live up to it this summer! I have
decided to come out openly on my bisexuality. I've joined an online dating
site so that I can meet some hot girls.

This summer during the events... Not only am I going to be looking hot and
sexy, but my girlfriend (or girlfriends) will be perfect 10s as well. How
distracting do you think it's going to be when one of them comes up to me
either during the an event or on my break and starts making out with me
like crazy? Ha ha. If my new enhancements as you put it, don't make those
guys go crazy and stop thinking about the mathematics of the game... Then
seeing two smoking hot lesbians all over each other surely will. (I will
send you another email with some pictures of the three girls I've been
talking to online so that you can picture things better and you know my

Embodying the full persona that has been placed upon me, my life is going
to get even more wild and crazy during the WSOP. Besides playing in a ton
of events (and a lot of new ones that I didn't do last year... like 2-7
and Omaha 8), being surrounded by my hot lesbian lovers, and partying at
clubs like TAO... you've also got my riding motorcycles, driving race
cars, and shooting machine guns in my spare time. I might even see if I
can get permission to base jump off either the Stratosphere or the Rio.
(I'm friendly with Bobby Baldwin so maybe I can see if he would help pull
some strings for me.)

On a side note ~ I just found my naked bungee jumping tape in storage and
watched it recently. It's awesome!! I really need to show it to you
sometime. I'm completely naked except for my shoes and jumping the second
highest jump in the entire world!!!

Trust me, I am going to be the talk of the WSOP. That's why doing a story
right before it all starts is best. It gives me some more time to work on
my game plan.

Hopefully putting you in my confidence with all of this is not a mistake.
I don't want any of what I just said leaked before the event. If people
are expecting it, then it's not going to be a surprise and they won't talk
as much about it when it actually happens. Instead, let's just keep this
between you, me, and Matt ONLY.

Thanks. Let me know what you think!!

~ Naami

Sent to me on 2/20/08

Adam ~

Question... Can we do the article from Thailand sometime in the upcoming
months? I'm suddenly on the fence about playing in the WSOP this year. I
need a break from the poker scene. I'm considering moving to Thailand in
two months after I get my breasts done. There is a big expat community
there and is fairly easy to relocate. Not to mention that I can live in my
own bungalow right on the beach and play online poker all day. Plus...
Thai girls are really hot!

I'll probably play the APPT events while I am living there. And I'm
definitely bringing my dog with me. Maybe you will even come to visit and
do the interview in person!!!

On another note ~ I just got my snug pierced!! (Ha ha!! I love saying
that! It sounds so kinky!!)

And my shark scope score is pretty damn good as well. I'm just playing
lower limits and building my bankroll, but at least I have a little sharky
swimming by my name. My ROI is over 40%. It used to be 67% but I took some
bad beats playing $100 SNGs so it went down a bit.

Anyway, I hope you are well. Please let me know if this can be done from
Thailand. I'll ship over some pictures when I get there if you guys agree.

Take care!!

~ Naami

Oh and P.S. ~ I'm trading poker lessons for sky diving instruction... I
need a hundred sky dives under my belt before I can base jump.

Sent to me on 2/24/08

Hey Adam ~

I can wait to start sky diving. I just found my naked bungy jumping
tape. It's pretty funny and cute. I'm completely naked except for shoes
and harness and I'm doing one of the highest jumps in the world. What
makes it even funnier is that I just got dumped. They asked me to say
something to the camera and I said "**** you Eryk!" LOL

In a way it was my "liberation" jump!

I'm converting the VHS tape to DVD. Then maybe I'll post it on Youtube or

Anyway, in other news... I heard you wrote to both BTOC and Brandon on
2+2. Don't ask how I know that. There are things I cannot tell you until
more trust is developed... I was just going to say, don't believe
everything you read/hear. Things are not what they seem sometimes. I know
this all sounds so cryptic but it's true. And certain people don't want
the world to know they are talking to me because it would make them look

If you want a real story though... you should read the front page of NWP.
That's completely true. There are email exchanges posted between creepy
Sklansky and myself. If you like, you can even write that story now. I'm
sure the whole poker world would like to know that he is too mentally
retarded to have a relationship with anyone normal or in his
age/intelligence range and can only manage to date underage runaways and
handicapped girls. The latest love of his life is inbred. Her mother bore
3 children with her own father. Basically, the "greatest mind of poker
theory" is a pretty sick dude. I no longer have anything to do with him.

Actually, I'm quite ticked off... He hasn't given me any poker lessons but
is taking all the credit for my successes. Although I've still yet to win
the flips in the later tournament stages when everyone starts moving all
in. Still, I cash in nearly 60% of the events I play. I'm definitely going
to hit one soon. Since I already make it through most of the field, there
is going to come a time when I will win those late stage flips (example:
AK suited vs. 99).

The only site I play on right now is FTP. My screen name is "Flirty B".
Although, I keep my observer chat off due to the random weird people that
rail my games so if you say hi, don't be upset when I don't respond.

In regards to my relocating to Thailand, I am super psyched! I just kind
of realized there are things I want to do and places I want to see before
I settle down and have children. I might as well do them now!! I'm just
saving up money right now and waiting for my name change and passport
stuff to be done.

Well, I am playing in a tourney right now. G2G!! Hope life finds you happy
and well. Talk to you later.

~ Naami

Sent to me on 2/24/08

And by the way...

Thought you might be interested in knowing a couple more tidbits bought
the Sklansky situation. The first is that not ALL the emails are posted on
NWP. There are a few more from when I did not adhere to his creepy request
and send the picture. My favorite is one that starts off "You are no
longer my favorite cup of tea." And basically says that he is going to
"quit" me. When I responded and asked him why, he sends another email
saying "I'm talking about the picture".

A couple days later, I put up the post on 2+2 titled "I love you David"
and posted the pics that are now up at NWP. I apologized for calling him a
"weird creep", said "I don't know what I was thinking!" and that I wanted
to make good on our deal. That's what made it so funny. I was being
completely sarcastic and in the pictures neither pubes nor panties were
attached to me.

That's when I got banned.

The other piece of information you might like to know is that David is now
bribing me to write a retraction statement saying that his emails were
taken out of context. He even took the time to write out exactly what I
should say in this supposed statement word for word if I want to be paid

Drama! Drama! Drama!

~ Naami

Sent to me on 2/25/08

Ok. Here it is... Brandon is still talking to me. In fact, he just paid my
storage bill and bought me groceries online. He even apologized to me last
night for exaggerating and lying in those posts and said that he will
write a statement telling people the same.

He just doesn't want anyone to know because he'd have hell to pay socially
and it would make him look really stupid.

Also, I don't want it out because I knew all along that he was simply
trying to illicit a response from me...He was upset that I just cut him
out of my life like that... And at the end of the day I decided to cave in
and give him what he wanted because I want less hassles in my life.
Obviously going to court would have been a major pain in the ass. But
now, he has dropped all charges and isn't cooperating with the insurance

I trust that you will keep that information to yourself.

Sent yesterday…

Yes... I was well aware that would most likely happen.

And while I like you as a person (based upon the limited time we spent
together and our exchanges) I was beginning to get the feeling that
whatever story you were to write about me would not end up flattering or
show me in the most positive light.. That is why I did what I did. I
believe the word for this is: subterfuge.

While I decided that I would indeed not be doing your story, as far as the
other sites are concerned... how do you get people to stop writing ****ty
things about you? Obviously by making a claim that you will get them to
write something. All the sudden nobody wants to give you attention.
Reverse psychology.

I knew David would eventually post my exchanges... I just did not know he
would embarrass himself so badly.

I think people are starting to get the picture... I am the wrong girl to
**** with.

Have a great day!!


Bottom line: Somewhere, there is a rubber room with its occupant missing!

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