Thursday, May 06, 2004

"Neddy doesn't believe in insurance. He considers it a form of gambling."
Maude Flanders

Howdy all, thanks for visiting. I've got all the usual kickass poker content for you - latest on the online poker world, great poker articles, more public flames from one poker pro to another (Howard to Daniel), some poker WSOP history, and best of all, new poker blogs.

Hopefully I can bang all this out tonight - I'm leaving for a Lost Poker Weekend and won't be back until Sunday evening. I'm really looking forward to this - a little birthday present to myself. I'm not concerned with how I do at the tables, I'll simply settle for a safe trip with zero arrests.

This post brought to you by the biggest online poker aquarium on the internet: Party Poker. Beleive me, all of us poker bloggers can't be wrong. Try it and write me.

Alrighty then - let's get to business, shall we? The World Poker Blogger Tour on May 16th. Readers are allowed to play and I'll be announcing some kickass prizes (outside of the cold, hard cash, of course) next week.

But sadly, the fine folks at
Pacific Poker have requested that I sent them a list of players on Tuesday, May 11th. This pre-registration thing is gonna truly be a bitch. I emailed them back, begging to let the deadline slide till Friday or Saturday, at the latest, and they said they will try. Ugh. I know most everyone is waiting till the last moment to sign up (as I would, too) but please, if you can please sign up and then email me, letting me know your screen name on Pacific, things will run more smoothly. Please help me out here.

If you don't have an account on Pacific, please click on my
Pacific Poker links to sign up. It's a small gesture for the hassle I'm going to undertake and hopefully you will support this humble yet hardworking poker blog.

Again, the tournament is on Sunday the 16th, 9pm EST. Come talk trash and knock out your favorite poker bloggers. It's gonna be a hoot, I promise. Only $20 to play.

The second big piece of poker blogger news is that my consigliere, Hank, has completed a fine article on the poker blogging world. Go hit his site for the sordid details. I was originally tasked with writing this, and started to, but due to circumstances beyond my control could not complete it. So Hank stepped up and hit the ball out of the park for us! A huge tip of the Guinness to you, my man.

I've got a bunch of interesting poker threads and such to link up. I hope you're in the mood to read, damnit, cause there's some good stuff here.

Alrighty then, here we go:

From the Poker As Cultural Juggarnaut Department, it appears that season Two of Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo has been extended to 2 hours per episode. Yikes, I think one hour was enough, but hell, poker on TV is never a bad thing. Starting Thursday nights at 9pm.
Celebrity Poker Showdown
Players for the next show include Jerome Bettis, Travis Tritt, Mena Suvari, Rosario Dawson, & Wanda Sykes.

Do me a favor. Go read this VERY negative article about poker. Go, now. I'll wait.....
The life of a Professional Poker Player

If you refused to read it (you really ought to for the follow up flames), here is a taste:

This one idiot sits down and plays every single hand. Doesn’t fold once. He manages to lose about $200 in less than an hour before he gets up with his tail tucked between his legs. It’s okay though because his company has a great dental plan for its employees. He can afford to pay for his kid’s braces. Your kids are going to have fucked up teeth.

I'll admit, I was entertained by that anti-poker rant when the link was posted to RGP. But the follow-up flames on this kid were even better. It turns out he was a poker newbie, posting under the same email address less than six months ago, asking for advice. His original post:

Hi guys I am new to the board and I was wondering if some of you could
offer some advice.

I just learned to play the week before last I guess. I read the archived
articles on cardplayer for a good 20-25 hours to figure out how to gain
edges. I mean I already knew how to play tight and everything but only
made minimal profits in the past.

I'm up $400 in just over 21 hours this week playing $2/$4. Now I realize
that isn't a realistic long term hourly... I just think that it's obvious
that my game has improved vastly.

The thing I've noticed though by playing this more aggressive style is
that the fluctuations in bankroll are much larger... I've won as much as
$220 in an hour and lost as much as $120.

Herein lies the problem...

I'm a temporary college drop-out and also unemployed. I'm playing poker
in order to maintain the lifestyle I've grown accustomed to (sorry cheap
rip-off on the movie)...

I've got a decent bankroll I guess, but I really don't feel like going
through some of those huge downswings you guys talk about...

So my question is, is there a way to maintain a certain level of
profitability without as much risk potential... a system of selective
aggressiveness maybe?

Thanks in advance...

Wow. In six months, he's a jaded veteran after renting Rounders and flipping through some poker books at Barnes and Nobles. These are the guys I'm raping, night after night, on Party Poker. Amazing.

Anyway: there were some wonderful bitchslaps of this guy, but my favorite retort was:

Maybe your website should be about not being a fucktard. I stopped
reading when it said,

"You couldn't figure out why once a month you inevitably felt
compelled to dump $1,000 to the house at the blackjack table. You
didn't understand why some mornings you woke up in your car shivering
and barely able to talk because you did so much coke the night before
while pounding beer for hours. You see the cocaine numbed your senses
to the alcohol so you didn't know it was time to quit drinking. "

Jesus, you're a moron.

Yes, yes he is. Grade A moron.

Good grief, I'm sitting here drinking blogging, listening to the Cincinnati Reds on the radio and a commercial for the Ohio Lottery just came on, touting their newest lottery game, Texas Hold Em Poker. I shit you not.

Geesh, I also found a rumor about Chris Moneymaker writing a book but lost the link and can't verify it anywhere so it's probably not true. If I find anything, I'll be sure to post it.

Continuing the Moneymaker theme, some folks are bitching about having to wear PokerStars clothing after winning a seat through the site this year. Implying it's "unethical" that Stars mandates the shirt and hat.

Steve Badger responds:

Did someone turn up the dingaling knob today?

The WSOP tournament room is simply awash with logos of every kind from
online poker rooms. Everybody signs a release form with Harrahs, that says Harrahs can dictate
clothing worn in the event. At final tables you can wear a demure logo on
your chest.

This is what has been known and expected for quite some time.

Here is a wonderful big slice of poker WSOP history: the number of entries into the WSOP Championship Events since it's inception:

Can someone create a graphic/chart of this? I'd do it, but I'm too drunk tired.

70 - Voted- Johnny Moss (7 entrants)
71 - $30,000 - Johnny Moss (6 entrants, $5,000ea)
72 - $80,000 - Amarillo Slim Preston (8 entrants, $10,000ea)
73 - $130,000 - Puggy Pearson (13 entrants)
74 - $160,000 - Johnny Moss (16 entrants)
75 - $210,000 - Sailor Roberts (21 entrants)
76 - $220,000 - Doyle Brunson (22 entrants)
77 - $340,000 - Doyle Brunson (34 entrants, last winner-take-all)
78 - $210,000 - Bobby Baldwin (31 entrants, winner takes 2/3rds)
79 - $270,000 - Hal Fowler (54 entrants, winner takes 50%)
80 - $385,000 - Stu Ungar (73 entrants)
81 - $375,000 - Stu Ungar (75 entrants)
82 - $520,000 - Jack Strauss (104 entrants)
83 - $580,000 - Tom McEvoy (108 entrants)
84 - $660,000 - Jack Keller (132 entrants)
85 - $700,000 - Bill Smith (140 entrants)
86 - $570,000 - Berry Johnston (141 entrants, winner takes 40%)
87 - $625,000 - Johnny Chan (156 entrants)
88 - $700,000 - Johnny Chan (167 entrants)
89 - $755,000 - Phil Hellmuth Jr (178 entrants)
90 - $895,000 - Mansour Matloubi (194 entrants)
91 - $1,000,000 - Brad Daugherty (prize bumped to $1mil) (215 entrants)
92 - $1,000,000 - Hamid Dastmalchi (201 entrants)
93 - $1,000,000 - Jim Bechtel (220 entrants)
94 - $1,000,000* - Russ Hamilton (268 entrants)
95 - $1,000,000 - Dan Harrington (273 entrants)
96 - $1,000,000 - Huck Seed (295 entrants)
97 - $1,000,000 - Stu Ungar (312 entrants)
98 - $1,000,000 - Scotty Nguyen (350 entrants)
99 - $1,000,000 - J J "Noel" Furlong (393 entrants)
00 - $1,500,000 - Chris Ferguson (512 entrants)
01 - $1,500,000 - Carlos Mortenson (612 entrants)
02 - $2,000,000 - Robert Varkonyi (631 entrants)
03 - $2,500,000 - Chris Moneymaker (839 entrants)

We aren't in Kansas, anymore. Keep studying, folks.

Moving on, noted poker author and resident RGP crank, Gary Carson, posted about his impending poker book:

Complete Book of Casino Poker
I just noticed that Amazon.com is taking advance orders for my new book. They
have the publication date listed as November, but the publisher tells me it
will be June.

Yup, I ordered it.

Venerable poker blogger, Alan Bostick, is writing tons of great stuff about his sojourn to the WSOP. This is the only time of the year that Alan posts, so you owe it yourself to check out a veteran's perspective:
Alan Bostick

At the Nugget, there were already a couple of names on an interest list for $50-$100 stud/8. Andrew and I put our names down, and we hung out in the poker area.

The Golden Nugget poker room is actually a tented-over portion of the hotel's swimming pool and sunbathing area, with ventilation for piped-in air conditioning. It is light and spacious, and there is plenty of space between the room's twenty tables. Ten of the tables are low-limit, nine are high-limit, and one, railed off from all the rest, had a $3000-$6000 limit mixed game, where Doyle Brunson, Chip Reese, and others were playing. It's a comfortable environment to play, although the air conditioning only imperfectly overcomes the ambient outside temperature.

I've posted about the Yahoo and Google ban of online gambling advertising in past posts. The deadline was May 1st but I'll be damned if I don't see poker ads still, too.
Web Gambling Advertisers Sidestep Google Censors

For the record, PartyPoker.net is still going strong.
Aw, heck, it's been awhile, I gotta say it:


WPT Champion and resident poker blogger extraordinaire, Paul Phillips, has a new post up and even sat next to Toby Maguire (Spiderman) in the 5k WSOP event. Paul needs to play in our poker blogger tournament. Damn, I'll put a huge bounty on his head...

Here's an interesting poker article from the Las Vegas Review-Journal business section:
World Series Of Poker: Showing their Cards

But 1,500 to 2,000 people playing to a global audience?

"Who could have imagined?" he said, grinning.

Even more WSOP nuggets of gold, this time from Andy Glazer per the 5k buy-in NL tournament event.

This kind of play is why I’m convinced pot-limit hold’em is a much tougher game than no-limit. A lot of new players have come into the game the last couple of years, and have accumulated experience on the Internet and watching edited televised final tables, where because of the editing process, it seems like someone is moving in every other hand. I think many members of this Next Generation are not comfortable making the complex post flop decisions necessary in pot-limit, and are turning no-limit into a “shove it in and pray” game.

Experts who are unwilling to gamble with the New Breed yield too many pots, giving up their edge, and that’s why – along with the far greater numbers of new players entering the events – we are seeing more and more relatively unknown players succeeding in no-limit events. The Old Guard will probably adapt and grudgingly gamble more than they had previously liked doing, but they have no choice: they can either give up some of their edge by folding too many hands, or they can give it up by gambling more. That they will have to get used to somewhat less of an edge either way, I think, is inevitable, although the experts who also play high-limit side games will probably adjust more easily than the pure tournament specialists.

If the poker legends of the last 10 or 20 years are going to contend with them, they may have to change with the times. I’d love to cover a no-limit final table here where all nine starters have a bracelet to their credit, but unless the Old Guard comes up with a new way to battle the New Breed, or the New Breed stops breeding, I think the chances of seeing that final table here have passed into history. That’s neither good nor bad; it’s just reality. Whether you like it or not depends, I guess, on which group to which you belong.

Great stuff.

I think I need to wrap this post up. I'll even leave the thread about the "The psychology/EV of drinking in live games?" for next time, even though it's a topic near and dear to my heart.

I rarely post about anything non-poker related, that's a given. But I know that many of the poker bloggers love NFL football - hell, go read MeneGene's latest treatise about traveling to NYC for the NFL draft. In deference to Gene's uber-post, allow me to post this fascinating football marketing link:

NFL Prepares For Billion Dollar Poker Game With Broadcasters

The National Football League continually shows the rest of the sports world- and the business world for that matter- why they are the ultimate King of all they survey. The embarrassment of Janet Jackson’s boob aside, the NFL plans on feasting upon it’s next broadcast contract which will be the richest TV rights deal in history.

Finally, I noticed yesterday an anonymous Steve in my comments yesterday, who left *several* rude comments, culminating in calling me a "fucking retard" several times.
Oh the humanity.

I actually pity you, Steve. Perhaps you should do some reading and research before resorting to name calling because you (freaking pinhead) are flat out wrong.

You see, Steve, repeating something several times does not make it true.
Life is not like Beetlejuice.

Moving on, I still have three brand-spanking-new poker blogs to link up, but I wanna wrap this up.

So damn, another long post. I am clearly insane. Please consider supporting this humble poker blog with bonus code IGGY on Party Poker and please sign up for the
Pacific Poker poker blogger tournament with one of my links.

./end shill

Thanks for reading. I'm going to leave you with a brutal public flame from Howard Lederer to Daniel Negraneau.


Open Letter to Daniel Negreanu


I would first like to say that, in the past, I have always rooted for you.
I thought you had the kind of engaging personality and charisma that the
game of poker needs. Sadly, however, you have allowed your desperate need
for public recognition, both for you and your close friends, to turn you
into a mean and vindictive person. You try your best to keep this from you
adoring fans, but tourney regulars know better.

My motivations for making this post are many, and I think I should detail
them now. As most RGPers know, your post from a couple of days ago was
about my sister Annie Duke. You claim you wanted to keep her name out of
it. This is a complete lie. First, you knew I would figure out who the
post was about. You also knew that a lot of other high limit players would
be able to figure it out. You thought it would be cute to continue your
smear campaign against my sister just under the radar. Then in one of your
follow up posts to my "Grow up" thread, you wrote, "The same person that
will tell a player NOT to educate the other players, then five minutes later
ask the player she told not to say anything a poker question?" The use of
the female pronoun seems intentional. I can only conclude that you really
did want to publicly embarrass her. But this post is only a culmination of
a summer full of public attacks on my sister, a campaign that has hurt her
deeply. My sister has been inclined to not fight back. But I can not sit
idly by any longer.

You have also made it clear that you are willing to damage your own
reputation to bring Annie down. I will get into your reasons for this
later. I know that if I can diminish you in any way in the eyes of the
public, you will feel personally diminished. Sad but true.

For me, violence is not an option, so the only thing I can do to make you
pay something for the pain you have caused my sister is to make the public
aware of your true nature. I spoke to you privately about this issue, but
the smear campaign has only intensified. Also, though I admit that I was
extremely steamed when I made my post two days ago, the last couple of days
have only brought me down to a simmer. I need to make this post to feel
better. I don't like feeling angry all the time.

Your reasons for going after my sister's reputation as a poker player are
obvious to anyone who knows you and many others who don't. First, you
simply feel that the only female poker player who deserves any media
attention is Jennifer Harman. Second, you just don't like my sister. There
is something about her personality that rubs you the wrong way. I can't
blame you for this and would never hold that against you. We all have those
people we just can't get along with.

Your obsession with the public's perception of Jennifer's place among the
top women players combined with your general dislike of Annie has caused you
to lose all objectivity where she is concerned. If we only look for the bad
in people, whether it be their conduct or their play, there will always be
something to find. Nobody is perfect. But this obsession is causing great
harm to Annie, and it needs to stop.

I could almost stomach the attacks on her play if that was all you had been
doing. But you have gotten really nasty and personal. You have been heard
at tournaments, where Annie is not present, referring to her as "Annie
Puke." You have also complained that she doesn't have any nice clothes and
she looks disgusting. I am sure your wardrobe would be just amazing after
going through four pregnancies in six years. This is grade school stuff on
your part, but it still hurts. When I ask your friends about why you have
gone berserk on this Annie thing, they just shake their heads and can't
really explain it. I would be surprised if any of your friends think this
has been a good thing for you to do.

I would not have had to make this post if you had been even a little
contrite in response to my post of two days ago. But, instead you showed
your true colors. Your first response to me, at 5:42 P.M., went like this:

"I just thought the post was funny. I didn't name any names did I? All
that stuff REALLY happened. If anything, it's a good advertisement for the
Bellagio game."

We now know this wasn't the real reason for your post. You didn't want your
adoring public to think that your post might have been mean spirited. But
you couldn't stand it and 16 minutes later you posted:

"One more thing 'the self proclaimed 'expert' deserves all the criticism the
expert gets. The expert, is the same person that routinely takes part in
all of the stupid conversation that goes on in those games. All of the,
'how bad does he play' talk. The expert deserves to hear some of that same
criticism. If the expert were a gentle, nice person who wasn't so rude and
obnoxious at the table, I never would have posted any of this stuff. The
expert, is the same person that will look at your hole cards when out of a
hand, but won't let you look at theirs. The same person that will tell a
player NOT to educate the other players, then five minutes later ask the
player she told not to say anything a poker question? The expert is a stuck
up bully, that deserves everything the expert dishes out, ten fold."

It was nice of you to call yourself on your own lie so quickly.

I have also noticed a pattern where outrageous behavior is OK if it is you
who does it. While drunk in a medium stakes poker game, you tried to snatch
a player's toupee off his head. You then told him that he should get it
washed. You now fondly recall this incident as funny, funny perhaps to you.
Your repeated comments calling Henry Nowakowski an idiot during your final
table WSOP web cast where uncalled for and colored by personal issues.
These are just two events, but they show that personal attacks aren't just
reserved for my sister. You seem to be able to justify any action toward
someone if you personally dislike that person. I find this part of your
personality quite distasteful.

I also find it amusing to see how creative you have gotten at trying to call
attention to your poker skills. You couldn't just come out and say, "Look
at me! I have won 7 tournaments this year in only 13 final tables." So you
did the next best thing. You wrote an analysis of the other top players,
with special attention to their finishing skills, hoping that your adoring
fans might look up your finishing record and drool. That these capsules
about your colleagues might upset some of them was of little consequence.
You'll do anything to further the Daniel legend.

I am not trying to change you with this post, as I will never again have
anything to do with you. I will, from now on, ignore you entire existence,
unless, of course I am trying to bust you at the poker table. You have
crossed the line, and I don't really care if you ever come back.

Howard Lederer

Friday night addendum: Up For Poker has a superb post up:
Dr. Strangeflush
Or, How I gave up eBay and started to love online poker

Link of the Day:
Swarthy Declaration of Love
Dharmrao Baba Atram: "Darling, just looking into your beautiful brown eyes each morning is worth more than four goats. Even as I flogged you, I had affection in my heart."

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

"Las Vegas is not renowned as a literary town.
In fact, the word "book" around here, 90% of the time is a verb."

Deke Castleman

How about another old-fashioned, rambling, Guinness-fueled UBER post tonight?

The one downside to the exponential popularity of poker blogs is that I drink far too much Guinness while digging through them, wondering what I'll write about. After all, I have a real, full-time job. And damn, I'm already lit up wore out and I haven't even yet begun to pontificate. I may have a good post tonight, who knows. Maybe more tangential than good. Please humor me & thanks for reading.

Actually, it pains me to stay away from the tables tonight because I'm killing the limit ring games at Party. If you are playing anywhere else, you are a stubborn fool. I'm amazed at the terrible players - how long can this insanity continue? But this current rush isn't really about the terrible players (although I am continually getting paid off - these guys do NOT know how to fold) - it's more about the deck hitting me in the face. My good starting hands are holding up and I'm hitting my draws. I know I'm running good when I haven't spent one second in PokerTracker in the last five days.

Anyway, nobody cares about The Grind. Moving on, the WSOP coverage is killing me. I should be out there, damnit. And who knows, maybe I still will. But I'm heading to Caesar's Palace in Indiana this weekend with some online poker pro's that I know.

To me, the poker student, it's fascinating that one of these guys (as in: 100% of his income comes from playing poker, and has, for many years) has NEVER read a poker book. I'm not even sure he can read. To be fair, he was coached on starting hands and pot odds by an experienced player (and schooled in other ways, too) many years ago, but still...it's surprising to me. I'm not saying you can't be a successful poker player without reading poker books, but I can't help but wonder how much he would improve if he immersed himself in conceptual/strategic thinking ala Sklansky, Carson or Caro.

David Sklansky estimates that of those players who try without studying to become solid winners (making good money in middle limit games, for example), no more than one percent succeed. Of those who do study diligently, he believes about ten percent succeed. If we accept Sklansky's numbers, which seem reasonable, books make a big relative difference. Still, they clearly don't guarantee success, by any stretch.

I found this snippet by pro Ray Zee on said topic:

Many new players start getting into these games and some actually play quite well. You see, after studying the best books, you can become fairly accomplished with just a small amount of real experience. (At least a lot less experience than it use to take.) So those players that improve themselves move up and take advantage of their new skills and keep pace with the world. This group improves their win rate due to the new faces and wider choice of games. Those that stay stagnant and don't study, fall back in the pack and either go broke or just slow down their winning ways. The players trying to make a living in this group really need to work on keeping their game in top shape.

Ray also lamented that literature and books may have made the games more difficult for him. Well, before the World Poker Tour, anyway. :)

Speaking of which, it's 9pm and everyone but me is watching that damn show. A huge thanks once again to Pauly for sending me poker tapes. Pauly rules.

A follow-up snippet to my last post about my wondering aloud if 2,000 players might play in this years WSOP NL Championship Event. Pinch me, I'm dreaming.

Here is the official stance on the # of entrants that will be allowed for the
main event:

Right now there are 101 tables set up in the Horseshoe. This means that 2020 players can be accomodated in 2 heats. Alternates will be taken. If at any time it looks like the number could go over 2000, there will be an effort made to get more tables.

If you had taken me aside, in say, the year 2001, and told me what was in the near future of poker - I would have laughed and mocked you to no end. It would have been an unfathomable scenario - not even worthy of a Hollywood script. Yet here I sit, shaking my head in disbelief again, amidst yet another poker blog post.

For the record, PokerStars is currently sending about 220 players to the WSOP Championship Event. With a field of 2,000 players, that's about 10% of the field. So hell, they have another great shot of creating another Chris Moneymaker story this year. Party is likely sending close to that number, I'd think. And there's a ton of other sites giving away seats....WSOP Tourmanent Director, Matt Savage, predicted 500 - 600 online qualifiers in a recent issue of Pokerplayer.

I'm lighting candles to the Poker Gods and you should, too.

It would be interesting to take an inventory of many WSOP seats, by online poker site, have been given away thus far. If I wasn't a few cups deep, I'd do so.

I think the poker bloggers will be represented by Paul Phillips and Richard Brodie, for sure. I'm not sure if Alan is playing in the final event. If I wasn't blogging, I'd certainly be focusing much more on trying to win a seat. I hope some of us take shots....

More cool poker blogger news here. CJ over at old-school poker blog, Up for Poker, has created a poker blogger mailing list to keep in touch. Here's the skinny:
So, if you'd like to get on board, just send an email to me (pagemaster @ upforanything.net) and tell me which blog you run.

Great idea, thanks CJ.

A neophyte poker blogger messaged me the other evening, asking if he should reap the fruits of Izmet's advice in limit play. Oh the humanity - that would be a resounding YES. If any of you are new or hell, even if you're experienced poker players, take a jaunt through both Abdul and Izmet's essays. Print them out and read them a few times, letting it slowly seep into your brain.

Per Izmet:
Preflop: tight, tight, tight. Postflop: pound, pound, pound. Yes, your variance will increase, but overall, you will win more and lose less if you maintain focus and pre-flop discipline. This strategy works best when you have a tight table image.

Geepers, what to link up next. How about a Shana Hiatt site?
If you want the ultimate Shana fix, check out a very young Ms. Hiatt in the Playboy video "Girls of Hawaiian Tropic" (1995). In the final vignette, Shana gets buck naked on the beach and mounts (well, pretends to mount - this is Playboy, remember) a beach boy. Several nice, lingering close-ups. Definitely good for a healthy raise.

Damn, Paul Harvey would be ashamed of me.

Speaking of poker babes, I hope everyone is rooting for Felicia - she's at the WSOP right now. She had a great run in the Seven Card Stud event, getting high praise from the eventual winner, Ted Forrest.

Here's a great article about the engima that is Ted Forrest, by the inimitable Jesse May:
Ted Forrest, poker player, the freak

I've been meaning to post this hilarious snippet for awhile now. I was chatting one evening with Felicia about how I'd love to post a parody of my posts and mock myself sometime, but how I'm not clever enough to do so. She pointed me to United Poker Forum where a fellow poster did it to her. As the regulars know, Felicia writes the best damn tourney reports on the web with aplomb and style.

Regular readers of Felicia will appreciate this:

It was another crappy UPF tourney, as I was seated at the Monkey table. Ionizer hokie was to my right and druggy John was to my left. UGH! Stuck between two monkeys throwing crap at each other all game. I kept a close eye on hokie, and everytime he threw crap, he made sure some of it ended up on my chips. I told the dealer but she just smiled. Planet Poker never cleans up their chips!!!! So, I end up short-crappy-stacked and am forced to start throwing crap too. I go all-in with 72o and double up, then all in with AA. Hokie and John both called before they even had cards -- LOL! -- and they both had 83o. I started licking my chops, but when the flop came 8-8-3 I started praying for an A that never came. IGHN!!! Damn those monkeys!!

I told the dealer but she just smiled. Good one.
Kudos to Felicia for sharing.

If you aren't reading Jesse May's reports from the WSOP, you are truly missing out. Efff the shill sites - go read Jesse. It's gold.
2004 Jesse May Reports

I pointed out the new home for The Poker Pundit, Andy Glazer, last week. And yes, now he is up and posting daily. Here's two separate insightful snippets from the Stud 8 tournament, won by a kickass woman poker pro, Cyndy Violette.
Final Table Poker: Andy Glazer's WSOP Reports
There is still nearly a month to go, but so far poker’s superstars are not having the same kind of WSOP they did last year, probably a collective result of two factors: larger fields (if the number of stars doesn’t grow but the number of players does, fewer stars make final tables), and better “average” players, better because the literature has improved and because the Internet has allowed educations to speed along at faster rates than they used to.

The toughest opponent any of us can ever face is ourselves, even if most of us rough, tough poker types aren’t confident enough to admit that. Cyndy Violette was confident enough to admit it, smart enough to do something about it, and as a result of that intellectual and emotional intelligence (and yes, something else we all need occasionally, a well-timed card), she’s earned a piece of jewelry that will forever represent more than mere victory over 223 of the best players in the world on the world’s biggest poker stage. It will represent taking responsibility for her successes and failures and doing something to change them, instead of just bemoaning bad luck, like so many poker players do.

I've been meaning to link up long-haired, Amsterdam-based poker pro, Rolf Slotboom. Funny name aside, I've always enjoyed his columns and attitude. He says that his site is now EXACTLY as he wants it - with freaking frames and pastel colours. To each his own, I suppose.
Ace Speaks

Nice article and pic here about college player, Richard Grijalva aka GotMilk, from PokerStars, who won $457,408 from a cheap online qualifier. Ask me again why I bother grinding? Answer: I'm an idiot.
Fourth place world poker prize in the cards for UCSB student
Practice makes a better player, and that's precisely what Mr. Grijalva got online and at the Chumash Casino. He started winning in both arenas -- and now his eyes are set on an even bigger pot than last week's.

Per the Big Tournaments, someone asked poker pro's and long-time 2+2 regulars, Dynasty and Clarkmeister, if they were going to play in the WSOP:
Re: Are Clark, Dynasty Gonna Play In The WSOP?

Neither Clarkmeister or I play any tournaments. I think we both have basically the same attitude about this: The real money to be made in poker is in ring games.

Wow, maybe I'm not such an idiot, after all.

Of course, someone HAD to ask Mason Malmuth the same question. From the The Man behind the 2+2 Curtain:
The biggest EV for me by far is in our publishing business. I would like to play a few tournaments, and this includes the no limit tournaments, but I literally don't have time.

I am now committed to four different book projects. The first everyone knows about. It's called Small Stakes Hold 'em; Winning Big with Expert Play by Ed Miller, David Sklansky, and Mason Malmuth. The second is Business is a Poker Game by Allan Schoonmaker who thinks he owns the Psychology forum.

The books three and four are not titled yet but a portion of the first of these is written and I have material to review. All I will say now is that the author of these books is a former WSOP winner and they are about no limit hold 'em tournament strategy. As I get more into the project, I will release more information.

Best wishes,

Arg, it's late and I haven't even shilled yet. Allow me to link up the new poker blogs. Please support the two new guys: both are worthy.

A fellow Ohioan is posting excellent hand histories, daily. As someone who has passed out several times in The Ghetto at UD, I hope he keeps up the fine work:
A Fool and His Money
I think I played this hand correctly. With middle pair on the flop I wanted to see where I was so I raised, with the 2 calls I figured I was beaten and folded on the turn. A bad suckout for the AA and yet another reason to not slow-play Aces.

I love new online players. It's a ton of fun to watch those "lightbulb" moments hit.
Poker Epiphanies Rule.
My exploits through the world of low limit poker.
There are conflicting stories among the many blogs I have read regarding NL vs. Limit games on Party. It seems that those who are building a bankroll go for the limit games, and those who, like me, just wanted money, prefer the NL/PL.

Anyway, if anyone actually read this whole thing I am really, really sorry. You should probably get a medal.

I could say the same thing for my readers. Thanks to anyone who made it this far.

Bonus Phil Helmuth Link to those who have:
"The Learning Annex" has been in San Francisco for many years. They offer adult, 3-4 hour classes at a reasonable fee for topics like "How to Make a Fortune in Real Estate" or "How to Buy, Sell and Profit on eBay" or "Introduction to Excel" or "Instant Piano" or even "How to date a '10'.

Take a wild guess what they're offering now?
And Phil is teaching it:

*Learn from a (9-Time) World Champion*
*Win Big $$$… Every Time!*

Never Lose at Poker Again with Phil Helmuth Jr.

Oh the humanity. I guess you can't blame him for creating multiple streams of income.

Anyway, this *feels* like an uber post, if measured by how drunk I am. Time to finish this up so I can play an orbit or two.

OK, I know many two people count on me for pointing out the Best of RGP so allow me to post this off-topic troll post from this afternoon:
The All-Time Best Movies

1. The Shaggy D.A. - Great Plot, Acting and Dialogue. It can't be topped, I wish they would make a part 2.

2. Armageddon - Incredible Acting (Bruce Willis should have won an Academy Award).

3. Ghosts of Mars - I don't even know where to begin, best special effects ever.

4. Congo - The acting is incredible, how did they train that Gorrila to do all of that sign language and stuff? Very, very scary movie also.

5. Road Rage - Stars Casper Van Diem and has the best car chases in movie history.

6. Independence Day - Still almost 10 years later, the special effects cannot be beaten.

7. Cop Land - Stallone's finest work ever.

8. Judge Dredd - Not quite on par with Cop Land, but still a masterpiece of cinema.

9. Last Action Hero - Very original screenplay that most people did not understand.

10. The Tuxedo - Amazing film, definitely Jackie Chan's best.

11. The Adventures of Pluto Nash - The $100 million budget was justified in this amazing epic.

12. A.I. -- Most action I have seen in a movie ever, great dialogue too.

13. Godzilla -- Best remake of all time....nuff said.

14. Rent a Cop -- Very original plot and a great cast.

So, those are my picks for greatest movies ever. Please reply back and list your top movies and also whether or not you agree with mine. I seriously doubt anyone will disagree with my picks, but I guess anything is possible.

Can you believe I have even more poker content to post? And I'm just an average married guy with a full-time, challenging job. Can you see why I hate the banner ad shill sites? If you are going to sign up with a poker site, please support one of the poker bloggers. You lose nothing (and gain a bonus) and help someone like yourself. Just another online poker player.

I write this blog because it's something *I* would love to read. Is that silly?

Shill alert: if any of you decide to play on PartyPoker, please consider bonus code IGGY.
Empire Poker is IGGY1 -

Support your local poker blogger, not the over-exposed, over-hyped, over-done big websites from big media with big banner ads that offer very little poker meat to go with their sizzle.

I'm stunned that I've had two signups over the last 60 days. Someone help a brother out, here.

Per the Blogger Tourney:
Here's the details - Open to all
Sunday, May 16th. 9 pm EST.

Pacific Poker
$20 entry fee.

Please sign up through my link above and email me your screen name so you can reserve a seat.

I can only hope that my shilling is white-hot noise behind the content.

Thanks for reading my Guinness-fueled ramblings and please consider starting your own poker blog or supporting one. It takes time to bang this out.

Link of the Day:
Masturbate and Switch
Tom's hobby -- sharing music video files mislabeled with increasingly perverse titles such as Grandma Bingo Sex: "122 people would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table ... my penis had shriveled to the size of a 2-day-old Wendy's chicken nugget."

Sunday, May 02, 2004

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte

Thanks for stopping by - plenty on the poker plate this evening. Sorry for the intermittent posts lately, but I'm back on track and fired up to bring you lots more poker goodness. Plus I'm running hot at the tables still. :)

So let's hop right to it, shall we? There's plenty of poker links here today to quell even the most dedicated office drone. Plus, Part 4 of the road trip is posted below. My motto: “Destroying workplace productivity, one post at a time.”

Damn, poker is seemingly everywhere right now. The WSOP is upon us and things are heading to a historical feverish pitch. These are truly amazing times. I'm wondering if the no limit WSOP Championship Event will hit 2,000 players with all the online qualifiers - anyone wanna make an over/under wager?

Speaking of major tournaments, I'm officially announcing the World Poker Blogger Tour, Part Three!! Let's get us rocking and rolling again, shall we? This tourney will be open to any and all poker bloggers plus.... best of all, I've been asked by many readers if they could play as well. After a consultation with my consigliere, Hank, I've decided to go ahead and open it up for both bloggers AND faithful readers. That oughta make this thing a hoot. Grubby is gonna run the next one, so jump on board - you haven't had fun at the tables till you've played with the poker bloggers.

So if you've been lurking and want to play with your blogger favorites, feel free to join in. For the sake of trash talking, I'll even go so far as to call the readers of the blogs "dead money" versus the writers of the blogs in this tourney. ;)

Hell, at the very least, you'll get written about and have some laughs. Honestly, the tournamant table talk is priceless and I guarantee someone will crack AA with THE HAMMER. You'll need to play to see it. Also, I'll have some additional prizes to throw in - first knocked out, bubble prize, and probably lay a bounty on my head as well. More on that to come...

Here's the details:
Sunday, May 16th. 9 pm EST.

Pacific Poker
$20 entry fee.

I know many of you bonus whores (wisely) already have accounts on Pacific - they are currently offering a 25% deposit bonus up to $100. Funny, but Pacific is now ranked ahead of UB and is the 4th largest online poker room. Go get some free bonus deposit money by folding for a few hours if you enjoy that sort of thing.

But for those of you who don't have Pacific accounts, please consider signing up through this humble poker blog here:

Pacific Poker - you just need to click on one of my Pacific Poker poker links to support this blog - there isn't a bonus code, you must click through a link to play.

Seriously, I truly appreciate it if you do. Don't make me grovel!! Running this is going to be a bit of a hassle. Just ask Felicia if you don't believe me - she's put in a ton of hard work running the Sunday nite tourneys. It's more involved than you think with this pre-registration nonsense.

So here's the deal: Anyone can play in this BUT we have to pre-register. So I'll need your Pacific username and email address for anyone wanting to play. Please email this information to me and I'll get your seat reserved.

I'm hoping for a nice turnout for this third epic Blogger tourney. Hell, I'll prolly offer another Party Poker jacket (Otis claimed the last one) and perhaps some poker books, as well. Just please don't wait till the last minute to sign up - this pre-registration thing is going to be enough of a pain in the ass without dealing with that.

At a minimum, I hope we have enough for a SNG.

Wow, Felicia just told me about the two-tiered WSOP tourneys that Pacific is running.

they had a great giveaway on pacific
$1 first tier
wins into 2nd tier
then they are going to guarantee one seat to the 10k

Geez, I gotta get me some of that. So even if you can't make the tournament, think about trying
Pacific Poker through this humble blog if only to bonus whore and try some these tourneys.

I play on other sites for tournaments and bonuses. I hunt for overlay. But still, 15 sites later, I've never seen anything like Party Poker. Ever.

Segue: So much WSOP news to report on. Tons of coverage out there. Here's one noteable site:

As you know Mark from www.PokerPages.com has been at the Final table of
every WSOP event and brings you the video coverage just hours after the
winner has been announced on www.PokerPages.com. The latest video from Event 10 is by far the best yet

All this WSOP talk/writeups is driving me CRAZY. I'm dying for some live poker. I'm either going to Vegas next weekend for my birthday, or I'm heading to Ceaser's Palace in New Albany. I've gotta scratch this itch, one way or another.

I played with Casino Gosain the other evening. He led me by the nose over to the insanity that is 6 handed NL ring game poker. Yikes, the fish were out in force but I think I did well, you'd have to read him. Sadly, I ended up too toasted to witness his royal flush a bit later. Sorry bout that Ash, but I had fun playing anyway!

Venerable poker blogger and old school RGP'r, Alan Bostick, is at the WSOP and blogging every day (gasp!). Great stuff - I sure wish Alan posted more often.
WSOP Diary: Day Three

First thing tomorrow morning, I'm flying to Las Vegas to spend a week participating in the World Series of Poker. This will be the seventh consecutive year that I've gone to the WSOP. Since 2000, it's been a consistently profitable trip.

A WSOP nugget:

Is the rumor of Dan Negreanu's 28 rebuys true? Apparently it payed off because he is chip leader at the final table. How high does he need to finish in order to break even? It is amusing to consider someone could make the final table of a WSOP event with 500 entrants and still not break even.


Yes. 26 rebuys + original buy-in, he was in for $27,000. He needed to finish in 8th or better to make a profit, he finished 3rd.

Oh the humanity.

So it appears that Danny beat Phil Helmuth's record. Phil Helmuth had 14 rebuys (a WSOP Record-total investment of $22,500) in the 1996 WSOP $1500 PLO event and still didn't cash. Doc Earle (who won the event in 1995) and Phil Helmuth got into a pissing match over table talk during a hand. Phil tilted and the rest is history.

By the way, I updated all the links on the right. Should be a comprehensive list of the latest and greatest in poker blogging. I could spend an entire post just linking up the great posts from both the new and veteran writers out there. I'm just thankful to have solid poker reading at my fingertips. What the hell did I ever do before the blogs?

Speaking of which, I'm very happy to see TWO new WSOP Lion Tales by prolific WPT pro, Richard Brodie.
They call me frisky: WSOP $1500 No-Limit Hold 'Em

Even though Paul Phillips seems a smug fuck on TV, I've always been a fan from RGP. Here's a feature article about the King of Snark in the Canadian Poker Player magazine:
Paul Phillips: Another poker millionaire

Our good friends at PokerSavvy have a follow up column. In part III of this series, Derek looks at levels 5-7. See how stack sizes should determine your play when the increasing blinds make many of the players panicky.
Winning Online Tournaments, Part III

Mathew Hilger posted this column per online poker, in Part Two of a series. For poker newbies only:
Top 10 Mistakes in Online Poker

Most everyone already knows about the new ESPN poker columnist, Jay Lovinger, so I'm posting this link for my edification, more than anything else. Yes, they should have hired me.
Poker on ESPN.com Page2

PartyPoker.net ads are sprouting up everywhere. Here's a random sighting:

party poker just ran an ad for their online poker school on CNBC. guess this is how they get around the thought police. after all, they never asked us to play online, just to learn. let's give all those
newbies a great welcome to the exciting world of online poker.

Yes, let's. I LOVE PARTY POKER!!!!!!!

That's bonus code IGGY on Party Poker for those of you silly enough to be playing anywhere else. Please don't make me post testimonials - and I have a ton of em. If you like this humble little poker blog, please consider supporting it.

So let's get that shilling straight. The first ever World Poker Blogger Tour with our readers. Please sign up here for that:

Pacific Poker

And Party Poker bonus code is IGGY. Whew, I'm shilled out.

But wait, let me pimp the latest poker blogger. This one is worthy, like almost all of the new bloggers. Burt plays alot at the Taj.
Burt Fu is JKo
Crushing (well, lightly massaging) the poker world a buck two-fifty at a time.

The fork in the road. Have you ever gotten the feeling that if things went differently, your whole session might have changed? For me it sometimes comes down to a single hand. This was the hand.

I still have a ton of poker content to post, but I'll wait till next time. Thanks for reading and helping out. I hope you won't hold this non-uber post against me - I'll make up for it next time.

Your Working Boy.

Link of the Day:
Friends in the End
According to this lawsuit, Friends writers frequently pantomime masturbation, express desire for anal sex with Jennifer Aniston, and speculate about Courtney Cox "having dried twigs in her uterus." Now are you sorry it's ending?

Post pending - Part Four in the interim:

If you aren't playing at Party Poker, you are truly missing out. 45,000 players right now. Please consider supporting this humble poker blog by signing up with bonus code IGGY on Party Poker. Sign up now!


Fetish and Losing in Las Vegas - 04

More praise for this series:

"If this stupid crap is what passes for funny, then please shoot me if
I ever laugh again." -- Chris Parker (CPK332@hotmail.com)

"Shut up and Deal was long-winded boring crap, and your posts follow in
his footsteps" -- Pete Roberts


Subtitle: "Fuck the GFE"

(Cue obscure music: Apache, Sugar Hill Gang)

I survive class again, somehow. I weasel out at 2:00pm, somehow, with
another assignment to complete. I spy Spaulding at the bar near the
elevators. He's talking to some real slutbucket. Kind of a butter-face.
You know, everything is good "butter face." I know, that's an old one,
but it's appropriate in this case. I don't approach them, deciding to
just watch for a minute. She's got a reasonable body, but obviously her
odometer has been rolled over. Twice. She's wearing jeans so tight that
if she had a dime in her back pocket I'd be able to read the date on it.
Got the highest high heels I've ever seen. She's smoking, of course,
which accounts for her Yoda-like weathered skin and the Darth Vader voice
("Luke, buy a lady a drink?"). Gives me a real hard off. They head for
the elevators. Oh well. He looked soberish, so this shouldn't take long.
I plop down at the bar and work on my assignment. Having avoided
drinking for an outrageous 8 to 10 hours now, I allow myself three slow
lagers. I complete my assignment in just about an hour, then wander

Spaulding is getting dressed, having just showered. "Dude, I scored..."

"Yeah, I know, I saw her," I interrupt. "In-call ad winner?"

"Not the winner but one of the Final Four."

"Looked like she's spent more time staring at ceilings than
Michelangelo. Not much like the hot pictures on those cards."

"I know. You should have seen the hardwood beav, looked like a gnarled
hot wing. I had to go with Russian and manual."

"Always the discriminating gentleman."

"I gotta get a good one before we leave. I have one more lead. This
internet service where girls advertise – eros.com. You definitely get the
girl from the picture. They're a little pricey though. They advertise as
escorts, but it's pretty clear by the ads that they make the two-backed
beast. Here's something I don't understand: A lot of them advertise the
'GFE,' the Girl Friend Experience. What's that? They sit there and tell
you about all their stupid problems? Fuck the GFE, I want the DHO, the
Dirty Whore Experience."

I change into sweats and crash on the couch for a few hours of much-needed
sleep. After a hot shower, we saddle up and head out for the Mirage.
Surely there will be some pros to be found there. We hit the California
Pizza kitchen for some dinner. I have some kind of pasta-garlic-shrimp,
washed down with a couple of Anchor Steam Ales. It is the only meal of
the trip that I would say was quite good.

We hit the poker room and head for the brush. They're looking for one
more person to kick off a $25 satellite. Not even knowing what game is
being spread, I take it. It is limit hold 'em, and we start with T300,
blinds of 15 and 25, T25/T50 betting. There are two older women at the
table who look like twins. Someone asks them about it. They swear
they're not related. Every single hand, they glance at each other after
receiving their hole cards. When something is obvious enough for a fish
like me to notice, something funny is going on. They both bust out
rapidly. Eight(!) minutes after starting, a timer goes off and we jump to
25/50 blinds, 50/100 betting. What's that all about? After using red
chips for all of eight minutes, we race them off. I do not win a green
chip. I get 99 and raise. It's reraised behind me and I call. Three of
us see the flop, which contains a king and two small cards. Someone bets,
I foolishly raise, and when I'm reraised I'm all in on the first hand I
play, during the SECOND level, before I've seen the frigging turn card. I
lose to KT. Thoroughly disgusted by the format, I decide not to buy into
the $120 main event. Someone now says those two old ladies (they have
left) are sisters at least, if not twins, and they both have WSOP
bracelets. I mutter that we might as well have played bingo or flipped a
coin with that structure, and leave the table. Wasn't there long enough
for my Corona to arrive.

I take a 3/6 seat and look around for Spaulding. He's in a bigger game.
This 3/6 game is worse than Bellagio. Shortly, the tournament starts.
Dammit, the satellite structure must have been so fast because the tourney
was ready to go. I would have bought in to the main event if I wasn’t
worried that the structure would suck. I play tight, as does everyone
else, for about an hour, winning one hand. Realizing I have nil EV at
this table, I pick-up, down 20 bucks, and go to find Spaulding. He's on
the rush that had to come sooner or later, possessed by the ghost of
Dice-boy, and has the whole table on tilt. I decide to sweat him and
drink up for a while.

(Cue music: Hot, Hot, Hot – Buster Poindexter)

He beats top two pair by hanging on with sevens to river a set. The fool
three bets Spaulding on the end, only to get four bet. Spaulding shows
him the wicked-witch-of-the-west laugh, which is absolutely irritating. I
get on the list in case a seat opens at this table, which it never will as
long as Spaulding is sitting. I watch him work the magic that I have
suffered through so many times. He brings out all the home game moves,
like looking at only one card. He loses some, naturally, but the deck is
slamming him over the head and he's winning more than his fair share,
working up a nice stack. The more he wins, the more hands he plays, and
the more tilted his opponents get until *they’re* giving up tons of EV as
well. He wins one with 73o, making a straight, and trots out our favorite
Homerism, "I'll never get my comeuppance! Do you hear me? NEVER!" When
he actually gets dealt a big hand, the chips pour in like a slot jackpot.
To their credit, Spaulding's opponents are very nice to him, with no
bitching about bad beats. Unlike the Bellagio, they're smart enough not
to tap on the aquarium. Eventually he looks at his chips, decides he has
made enough, and announces, "Gentlemen, you have just bought me a Dirty
Whore Experience. Oh yeah." There is a loud outcry from the table,
urging him to stay. They actually ask him where he'll be playing later.

We go outside and snare a cab. "Take us to the nearest adult book store,
my man." Spaulding figured Vegas dirty book stores would be better than
ours. They're about the same. It's kind of comforting, in a way, to know
that how ever far you may roam across this great land, you can always
purchase a prosthetic forearm and fist, should the need arise. Spaulding
is a little disappointed that the store isn't more outrageous. I don't
know what he expected, perhaps snuff films. Anyway, he manages to find a
DVD that fills one of the gaps in his extensive collection. "Dolls With
Balls 4," or some equivalent. Spaulding goes to make his purchase. The
actual DVDs aren't in the display box (for anti-theft reasons, I suppose),
so the clerk has to fish the disc out of these file cabinets. He can't
seem to locate this particular disc. Meanwhile, two cute girls come in to
giggle at the merchandise, and they're standing only a few feet away from
us. Just then, the clerk says, "Ohhhh, that's in the gay section! That
explains why I couldn't find it!"

"It's NOT fucking gay, it's a variation! Your fucking filing system is

Back to the strip. We decide to hit some bars and clubs and, unrealistic
as the idea is, try to pick up some non-professional dates.

(Cue appropriately hip music, Copacabana, Barry Manilow)

Wow, did that not go well. Granted, we were consistently hitting on good
looking women, but most of them wouldn’t even talk to us. It was kind of
an ego blow, even for us. I think we have to work on our pickup lines.
Here's some that didn't work, fyi:

"You don't look like a hooker at all."

"Now there's a quality boob job."

"Would you call this DVD gay?"

"Do stray cats follow you home?"

"You don't get it? Think about it: what kind of smell might attract a

Spaulding couldn't even make progress with the horsey girls. A horsey
girl is a mildly overweight woman who tries to get all dolled up. High
heels, and invariably too much make up. Because of the weight, they make
a clopping sound when they walk, hence the term.

I made this observation: If you approach a woman at a bar, and if you're
coming in from the side, if she does not make eye contact, just give it up
right there. She saw you peripherally, and your silhouette, staggering
gait, and perhaps the scent of stale whiskey which preceded you were
enough for her to make up her mind. By not looking at you, she's hoping
you'll leave her alone. If they won't make eye contact, you have no
chance. Not that we do so well with the ones who do make eye contact.

We visit the Venetian so Spaulding could take a dump. He tips the
cleaning person two bucks, and says "Dude, I totally befouled your stall."
We're looking at the canals, and the singing gondoliers. "What's the big
deal? It's about as deep as a baby pool." We visit a large room where
the ceiling is painted like the daytime sky. Spaulding asks me, "Dude,
wasn't it just dark out?" I hope he was kidding, but it's hard to tell
sometimes. We do not look for a poker room.

We visit the hotel room where Spaulding leaves some call-back messages for
his 'DHOs.' I remind him we have to check out by noon tomorrow, giving
him a very narrow operating window.

Once again, we find ourselves tilting drinks and players in the fabulous
Flamingo card area. I still can't get over the huge difference in player
quality from place to place. We get in a ripe game with several familiar
faces, most of them having never played as of a week ago. There's a
distinguished black gentleman at our table, who speaks like James Earl
Jones. First time player. Unfortunately, Spaulding (now loaded again)
thinks this is the time to lay down his severely white version of ebonics.

"True dat."

"Raise? You be trippin' homes."

"Foshizzle minizzle pizzle."

After that last one, James Earl looks at me and asks, "Is you friend
trying to say something?" I lean towards him and whisper, "He's slightly
retarded." James Earl looks at Spaulding for a few seconds, then nods in

I actually head for bed by 2:00am or so, only to lie there for 20 minutes,
wide awake. The irony. A few Gibsons might chill me out. True dat.
Back down I go, and manage to get back in the same game. We each have a
shot of Rumple Mintz, for the sake of tradition. The nonsense continues.
Spaulding wins a nice hand, stands up and does the Spaulding dance.
Picture Chris Farley doing a Tony Manero and you’ve got the idea. A new
lady near me rolls her eyes and mumbles "What is his story?" James Earl
leans over and whispers to her, "He's retarded, don't upset him."

(Cue music: Enter Sandman, Metallica)

Somewhere around 4 we take one more quick spin on the strip to see if
anything nice is out and about, and have a beer or two. When we get back
to the room, we both urgently need to see a man about a horse. I beat
Spaulding to the head. He'll use the sink, he says, he has to go that
bad. I say no way and slam the door. When I come out and he rushes in, I
notice a palm sized wet spot on the front of his jeans. "Dude, I was
ready to go and you cut me off. I had a little seepage." A grown man
pissed his pants. Nice. Wasn't Stantz in the Flamingo when he had that
'accident' described in his classic trip report? Maybe he was even if
this room. Somehow that seems fitting.

I change into my sweats and fall asleep in seconds.

To be continued.....

All Content Copyright Iggy 2003-2007
Information on this site is intended for news and entertainment purposes only.

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