Thursday, November 10, 2005

"There is no mercy in the Passing Lane, and no place to pull over and park.... Buy the ticket, take the ride. Some will march on a road of bones, and others will be nailed up on telephone poles. That is the way it works."
Hunter S. Thompson

This humble poker blog brought to you by Bonus Code IGGY on Party Poker.

I'm re-reading The Professor, The Banker, and The Suicide King and thought the above was a perfect quote for poker. I look back over the years and reflect on the winners, the casualties and the guys who disappeared without a trace, like a fart in the wind.

And yet here I sit, into year number two on this here humble poker blog. I'm all set to write up a State of the Poker Blog post, but eff it. Al and BG already good-naturedly mock me enough for being the Blogfather, I don't need to give them any more ammo.

But regardless, this blog has been good to me.
It's been more fun to be "Iggy, the drunken dwarf" than just "that drunk".

But I did take the liberty of looking up my first year anniversary post. And found this great comment from Dr. Pauly:


Right on! Keep up the quality bloggery.
Thanks to you, my blog is read in 43 countries.



FYI, Pauly now tells me the country count is up to 243.

Here's a pic for the Good Doctor:

But anyway, I'm wondering if I'll still be writing here in two years. Part of me doubts it, but who knows. Hell, if you had told me what this blog was to become two years ago, I woulda peed my pants laughing.

It is what it is.

I'm sad to announce that I'll be missing all the poker blogger tournaments this weekend because I'm leaving town for a wedding and won't be back till next week.

So I'm gonna try and pound out a crappy quick post for you.

First of all, I set a new record for futility by whiffing on nine straight SNG's.
Impressive, eh?

But let's get to the fun stuff. Only happened yesterday afternoon, but damn, it's already old news.

Must read: Paul Phillips has a hilarious post about getting his post deleted at 2+2. I'm not sure what else to say, but you've got to read it for yourself.
Finally, the inevitable from 2+2

And this is awesome. Paul's apology on 2+2.
I'm very sorry.

Dear Lord. The idiocy of 2+2 amazes me. I really need to dig up the Abdul Jalib incident when Mason banned one of the best poker minds in the modern era. Comedy of Errors, indeed.

These leads nicely into my second sordid tale. I first read about it in Daniel Negreanu's blog here:
Tournament of Champions
"The players have been lied to..."

Paul Phillips blogged his reaction here:
a classic in the making

And finally, here's ESPN's take on it: (Guinness hoist to Joaquin for the link)
Sponsor's decision irritates freerollers

And so Harrah's was faced with the Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.

I forgot to mention that nepotism sucks. Would someone please tell Matt Sklansky, the evil overlord at 2+2, to get that damn website out of 1997? Try the search function over there - it's laughable.

Hilarious post about the players at Party Poker during the 3 billionth hand promotion.

Subject: Did you see this about the 3 Billionth hand at party poker

On Monday night, the world's largest online poker cardroom, Party Poker, dealt its 3 billionth hand. Prior to the big hand, and as an incentive to get players to celebrate with them, Party announced a prize opportunity for the players involved in the 3 billionth hand.

The hand occurred at 10:51 EST on a $0.50/$1.00 limit hold’em 6-max table.

Everyone at the table immediately scored $10,000 for being in the 3 billionth hand. An additional $50,000 was set aside for the person who would go on to win the hand.

Humorously, 4 of the 6 players at the table folded before the river. Apparently the 10,000+:1 odds on their money to chase a miracle runner-runner were not appetizing enough to warrant a call. At least one player was clearly aware of the situation at hand proclaiming "we did it" in the chat box before the flop.
The same player folded after the flop.

God bless the players at Party Poker.

I found a photo of one of em.

Bonus Code IGGY on Party Poker!

Lotsa folks making noise about Mike "the mouth" Matasow winning the World Series of Poker 2005 Tournament of Champions. I think it's pretty damn cool to see Mikey rebound - folks who know him swear that he's actually a good guy and I'm inclined to take their word for it. Who am I to doubt Linda? (Any WPBT attendees need to go hit her blog for some news) - Linda rules.

But here's a typical anti-mikey post from RGP:

Subject: How come no one calls the mouth out on his shady past?

Seriously, if I'm sitting at a tv table and I have some assclown like Mike "the mouth" calling me a donkey and telling me to go play at the kiddie tables to try and humiliate me on national television, then I'm calling him out on his cokehead history.

"Aren't you a fucking cokehead piece of shit? Didn't you go to JAIL for coke, you cokehead??"

Someone seriously needs to put that ho in his place. The Sheik was almost ready to straighten him out, but he didn't want to get disqualified so he held back. The mouth needs a good old fashioned prison bitch-slap to remind him to shut the fuck up and just play poker.

These donks on espn kill me. They let guys like Hellmuth and Matusow berate them and talk down to them like they are 5 year olds and they don't say shit back. What the fuck goes on at the WSOP? Do they chop your balls off before you sit down to play or what??

The only real men in the entire WSOP are the tournament directors. I love the way that one guy handled the shiek and matusow. I swear I saw the tournament director reaching for his belt when the sheik started to make a sarcastic comment about being penalized. The sheik shut up real quick.

Geez, someone woke up cranky today. And hell, he didn't even mention the apparent angle shooting that Mike did in the WSOP TV coverage with the fake calling move. All I know is that my boat is starting to strictly enforce the betting line rule.

Poker Lizard has an interview with seven time WSOP winner, Eric Seidel.

Best line:
Ego has busted many more players than bad beats have.

I've decided not to touch the Tiffany Williams crap. That's right, I'm actually capable of taking the high road once in a while. Well, at least until I see the episodes for myself, anyway. But the vitriol on RGP and other places is just Way Over The Top. Lotsa racists out there.

I love seeing poor poker players doing well in the WSOP and so should you.

Just to illustrate my point, there was a huge thread about the best RGP advice ever given. Enjoy:

Subject: Your BEST RGP Poker Advice

Mike Caro had a contest for best single piece of poker advice on RGP a couple years back. You might want to do a search to find the thread although I think you might be disappointed with the results.

The winning advice was something like
'Play against people who suck worse than you.'

Sums it all up for me. I hear from some folks that they WANT to be challenged with tough decisons....they WANT to play against GREAT competition. Sorry, my friends, but I can't go for that. No, no. No can do.

I am with Mr. Caro on this one.

And honestly, I don't think I'm that good of a player. Faux humbleness? Most certainly not. I obviously have confidence in my skills, I think it's implied and I don't need to crow about the donkeys or what a great player I am. Because I'm not. I'm still a lowly student of the damn game. And unless your name is Doyle Fucking Brunson, you probably are too.

Of course, you've probably never lost 9 SNG's in a row like I have.

This is one of the better reads I've had in awhile. Highly recommended.
I'm a pretty big fan of the self-titled UK InternetPokerPro. He's much smarter than me, plays PLO8 and addresses the following thread and his comments with aplomb.

And I've been reading Rolf Slotboom for what seems like years now.
Wanna see two smart guys butt poker heads in the 2+2 forums?
Fold AAxxss preflop fold vs. other "big" hands??

Saw this and thought of the impending WPBT get-together in Vegas.
Thankfully, we're a big sewing circle and don't need to resort to this.
I just hope Otis picks a night for us to Storm the Castle again.

Subject: Let's settle our affairs like adults
Author: Howard Beale

I have never attended BARGE - the RGP RealLife event - but I propose the following:

At next years largest get together we should rent a large indoor arena and have an RGP paint ball slugfest. Water balloons, too. Silly String and whipped cream pies also allowed. Add in some of those air filled bats and hammers and feather pillows.

The only condition: There must be age and weight divisions. Other than that no rules. All out war!

Let's see who is the best, once and for all.

Doesn't matter, though.
Nothing can touch the Bradoween Olympics.

Here's a product Howard could have used back in the day.
Lock Box for Winners


I have been reformed. Looking back it is hard to imagine the depths to which I had sunk. I have no hope of ever reaching the surface but at least I can see the light. It is dark, dark, dark down at the bottom.

- - - - - - - - -

Atlantic City casinos were irresistable to me. I went to Resorts International Hotel/Casino with a friend on the 3rd day after it opened, got there at 5am and stood on line until the casino opened at 10. They pulled aside a rope barrier after the hotel guests were let in and the crowd literally ran to the tables to get into any game, ANY GAME!, they could. There were people standing 3 deep behind each blackjack seat, waiting for a chance. When we left, the line to get into the casino was a
quarter of a mile long down the Boardwalk. I was too stupid to buy stock in the company or I would now be writing from the beach in the Dominican Republic, covered in baby oil and barely legal girls.

Needless to say I was hooked and began going to AC regularly. It was not that much of a problem as I was playing with-in my budget but I was well aware that I was a problem gambler. I either came home with a pile of money or no money. When I say no money I mean maybe run out of gas and no stopping at McDonalds and run the toll booths on the Garden State Parkway (25 cents each) no money. I don't need to tell anybody which one happened almost 9 out of 10 times. But I noticed, as I am sure many gamblers have noticed, that there was often a time during the trip when I was winning and often enough substantially. The problem was a lack of self control.
If I "had the casino's money" I really sent it in and it was boom or (mostly) bust. I had to come up with a way to prevent this behavior while still allowing me to feed the gambling jones.

My solution was to visit the locksmith shop that I did business with. I brought a casino chip with me and explained that I wanted a small safe. I wanted one that opened with a key and could not be easily opened and could be carried around. The owner showed me a small safe that was designed to be bolted to the floor and was very popular with the local drug dealers, he said. The thing weighed about 25lbs but was the smallest suitable safe. I opened it up and explained that I wanted a metal barrier welded down the middle of the safe and gave him the casino chip. I told him to cut a slot above one side of the divided safe so that the casino chip could just be dropped in without any chance of getting it out. On the other side I told him to drill a 1/4in. hole.

On the next trip to AC I put this 25lb safe into a leather overnight bag I have, locked it with the key which I of course left at home. I lugged the thing with me where ever I went, which was to all the casinos. I doubt that I could do that today because security might think it was a bomb. When I gambled, and was ahead, I would take a few chips and drop them down the chip slot into the safe. When I cashed out I would take some bills, roll them up tight, and shove them down the hole. I would do this the entire time and it worked great. I would go broke but when I got home I
had a pile of chips and a bunch of cash. I had found the perfect solution, or so I had thought.

This "system" worked great for a month until one Saturday night at Resort's. It was 3am. I was at the craps table and started to run bad, real bad. I had been putting chips and money into the box steadily during the day, and at that table, but now I was running out of money fast and I wasn't scheduled to leave AC until Sunday night. Who can stay in AC without gambling? Not me. And I didn't even think of going home early. Let me point out that the dealers and the pit bosses had been watching me
occasionally bend over and fiddle around with the leather bag on the floor. They were real curious but didn't ask what the heck I was doing between rolls of the dice when I hit a number. Finally, I was almost broke and was playing for small money when I asked the dealer "Is there an all night supermarket open anywhere in Atlantic City, or a Walgreens, maybe?" "What do you need a supermarket or a Walgreens for?" he asked. It was hard to get out of my mouth but I said "I need a drill." "A WHAT?"
"A drill." "What do you need a drill for?" "I just need a drill." The dealer called over the floorman and told him that I needed a drill. "A WHAT?" "I just need a drill." "What do you need a drill for?" With a reluctance I can not describe I put my leather bag up onto the craps table rail and opened it, revealing the safe. "I need to get into this thing."

When the dealers and pit bosses finished laughing I found myself being escorted by a security guard deep into the bowels of the Resorts International Hotel/Casino where I was led to the machine shop. A maintenance man placed the safe under his drill press and in a minute the safe was opened. I took out the money, tipped him and the woman guard, and told him to throw the safe away.

Of course I went bust. That was a tough drive home and I was sick to my stomach for the next few days but the weekend was coming up, I knew I was going back to AC, and I had to try again. I went back to the locksmith but this time, after the locksmith finished laughing, I picked a mailbox (much lighter and smaller) the kind you nail to the wall next to your front door and headed off to AC with that.

This time I was at Trump Plaza playing blackjack. High limit section. It was 4am Sunday morning. I had a pile of money and chips in the mailbox, but I was broke, again. I looked at the dealer and said "Call the pit boss." "What can we do for you Mr. Beale (not my real name)?"

"I want a drill press."

Howard Beale

I can't resist posting these Gary Carson zingers, especially when he's the first person to respond to a post like this:

Subject: anyone been to lederer fantasy camp?

i wouldn't pay 4k for it, but i see a cheap satellite on full tilt tonight.

would you say the camp is worth it? i know i have a lot to learn, but also wouldnt mind hanging out with some of the pros.


If you think you'll get some kind of pleasure from hanging out with someone who's only hanging out with you because they get paid then it's probably worth it.

I don't understand how you get pleasure from that, but I never really understood why prostitutes are so popular either.

Gary Carson


But here's a real reply from a prior attendee

i went to the first one in september of 04. it cost 2,800 at the time and i had only been playing poker for about 4 months so most of the material/lectures was new info to me. That was worth the money. (actually my review is posted on the
website for the company sponsoring the camp - all in productions)

Playing and meeting the pros was just lots of fun. If you are new to the game i say go, if you are experienced, i say go. 4K is a little pricey however. All Pros involved are very nice and approachable for autographs, questions opinions etc.

When i was there the pros that took part were: Lederer, Seidel, Duke, Hansen, Gordon, Bloch, Jesus. I hear they have added more.

p.s. I had also never been to LV and it was the same weekend as my 30th bday so that had something added to it I am sure

And I'm gonna post this link in hopes that Bill or Franklin or Hank or Chris get a kickback of some kind.
Allin Camp Schedule

Damn, I wish I had more time but I've got a poker game to get to and a plane to catch. Let's leave with a good old fashioned trip report, shall we?

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend and I'll see you next week.


Subject: Foxwoods Trip Report- Long

I woke up at 6 AM and made the 1 hour and 40 minute drive to Foxwoods with
plenty of time to spare so that I could register for the $500 plus (ouch-too
much juice) $65 LHE tournament at the World Poker Finals. I have an hour to
kill and a cappuccino in hand, but didn’t really feel up to playing yet as I was
still half asleep.

I watched John Myung playing heads up $100-$200 LHE with some other Asian guy
I didn’t recognize. Over the course of about 30 minutes John lost 3K, then went
on a rush and won it back plus, but really, he seemed to have a serious read on
the other player, and it looked like it was headed toward John cleaning him
out. Both of them had the classic vacant stare working for them, thousands of
dollars moving back and forth with no shown emotion except occasionally John
would sort of nonchalantly flick his black chips into the pot with a nice,
artful and arcing motion.

I went down to the Sunset Ballroom and played marginally decent poker (ok I
sucked,) lost all my chips in just under three hours, and was basically wishing
I had stayed home in bed or just played a few online tournaments. I only
brought $700 with me total, because I didn’t figure I would play anything but
the tournament, and didn’t want to be seriously tempted by the table games etc.
if I got knocked out early.

Well, knocked out early I was, and had no desire to play $100 max buy in NL or
1-5 stud cuz, well, I’d rather eat the barrel of a shotgun. And I didn’t want
to go home yet and what, hang out with my wife? I had already schemed to get
this day off from work so I could chill and do whatever I felt like doing. Now
I would normally have brought along heaps more cash, but in the past two weeks
my expenses have been:

Cat: Dental bill, 5 teeth removed, plus medication- $600
House: Shower system replaced with new one the wife likes $1800
Visa Bill: Trip to Hawaii back in Sept.- tickets plus hotel- $3000
Friend X: Broke Ass Mutha- $1000
Wrentham Outlet Stores- hey, we need clothes says the wife, $800
Mortgage, Groceries, Shrink, etc- well you get the picture.

Wandering around the casino like a total vegetable, tired, bored, depressed, I
figured wow, that looks like a lucky video poker machine (I almost never play
video poker and hate slots.) So I put in $40 and turned it into around $460 in
20 minutes, getting some stupid lucky cards and doubling down on draws, actually
hitting two flushes and a straight. Ding, Ding, Ding!!!

Now I had over $600 in my pocket and felt suddenly re-inspired to play more
live poker. I went back to the poker room and they were just starting a 2-5 NL
game, $300 min buy in, $500 max. Lock up the one seat!

At first this game, though obviously juicy, sucked for me. I played almost
nothing because my cards looked like this: 8 3 off, 7 3 off, 8 3 off, 7 3 suited
(I was tempted.)

The guy to my left was extremely solid and made a good read on a guy who bluffed
his whole stack with bottom pair on a jack high flop. He deliberated for maybe
60 seconds, said, “I think I gotta call, “ and flipped up his quite good QQ.
After two bricks hit the dealer pushed him the $900 pot. This guy to my left
was actually very good and says he plays on stars as 2poker2 with a lot of
success. He was enjoyable to chat with.

I made my first “move” an hour into the game with a limp from the small blind
with A J off. Four players saw the flop. The board came ace high and I checked
my “monster.” The turn brought a non-threatening queen, I checked, and the 7
seat bet $20 which I smooth called. The river was a blank, I bet $25, the guy
in the 7 seat thought awhile and said, “If you had an ace you woulda bet the
flop or raised pre. I call” He had Q 10 and I actually dragged a pot. The kid
who had bluffed all of his chips earlier was indignant, “How could you not raise
before the flop? You limp in the SB with A J?” I was like, “Yeah, I basically
suck. You’re right.” It may not be too nice, but I love to reinforce bad
players’ bad habits at the table.

The guy in the 7 seat had a hand a little later that was very helpful to me
down the road, because it gave me useful information on him and another player,
the 9 seat. Two people limped, the seven seat made a whopping raise to $10, the
9 seat called and the other players called. The flop came 5 6 4 with two
diamonds, the 7 seat bet $35 and the 9 seat called while the others folded. The
turn was the J of clubs. The 7 says, “All in.” He has about $600 to the 9
seat’s $450. The nine seat starts hemming and hawing and I figure he must be on
diamonds or have a hand like 55. It is pretty obvious the 7 seat had min-raised
with a big pair, caught what looked like a good flop, then over-bet when he got
scared by all of the draws. After much deliberation the 9 seat mucked pocket
sixes!!! He had to have put the pre-flop raiser on this range of hands to do
so: 7 8, 3 7, 2 3 or JJ. I mean, what the fuck, that is a super-weak fold in
that spot. The seven seat showed KK, confirming my thoughts. 2poker2 and I
have gave each other a look that said, “Wow.”

I got to pick on the 9 seat first, figuring if I never got any cards I might
as well try to make some plays. I had K Q in late position and called a $10
raise from the 9 seat. The 3 seat came along for the ride. The flop was A 10 2
with two diamonds, giving me a gutshot straight and a backdoor flush. Sweet!
(Not!!!) The 7 seat bets $25, I am about to fold, then I think hey, there is
another way I can win this hand other than making a hand, so I call. The 3 seat
calls also. The turn is the 7 of clubs, the 9 seat bets $50, I call, and the 3
seat calls. My thinking went like this: the 9 seat has a decent ace and so
does the 3 seat, maybe even two pair. If the flush hits or a straight card hits
I will see how they react and if I like the vibe I will try to steal the pot
with a good sized bet or raise. The river is the Q of diamonds, and they both
actually wince when it hits. My K is a diamond, and when the 9 seat checks I
act like I am thinking for about 30 seconds, and then throw in 6 green chips,
making it a $150, representing the nut flush, or at least a flush. The 3 seat
insta-chucks his cards and it is back to the 9. He deliberates, and then starts
stacking chips on the side, which of course makes me sick. Then he says, “You
got an ace?” I laugh and say, “No.” He asks me, “What do you got?” I tell him
in a joking voice, “Well, sir, I got cards that made me bet $150. You just have
to put your money and the pot, then you get to see.” He still is thinking and
looks like he is going to call so in desperation I say, “Tell ya what, throw me
a red chip and you can see either card.” He says, “What, did you see the movie
Stuey?” I haven’t and told him so. He decides to take me up my offer. He
throws the chip and it lands on one of my cards so he says, “Show me that one.”
It is the K of diamonds. He makes a face and folds face up, showing A K. I
show the bluff and he can’t believe it as I drag in the $300 pot that should
have been his.

I was now up money, and though I am not a great player by any standards, I was
most likely better than anyone other than 2poker2 at this table. I built my
stack up to about $900 over two hours and then I got my chance to pick on the 7
seat. I am in the SB, again with A J off, and 7 seat raises to 15. I call and
two other players call. I am actually sitting there thinking, “ K Q 10, K Q
10,” when the flop comes K Q 10 with two clubs. I check, the 4 seat checks, the
7 seat bets $50, I call, and the 4 seat calls. The turn is a beautiful 2 of
hearts. I check, the 4 seat checks and the seven seat says, “All in.” I call
instantly and take his stack after he shows A K. It is 5PM, I now have $1500 in
chips, and it is time to GO HOME.

As I am driving back it is clear to me that I like playing live so much more
than online. The ability to read people, to just interact with them, adds layer
after layer to the game and to the social aspects. It is worth the slow pace of
play and the drive to me. Unfortunately, while I used to make it once a week or
more to Foxwoods, my real-life responsibilities now make going a rare treat.

Gregg B.


Link of the Day:
When Insects Attack
Nothing goes down better with a pint of Guinness and a plate of bacon than the merciless slaughter of 30,000 European honeybees by 30 hornets.

Monday, November 07, 2005

"We play Minnesota Hold Em. It's catch and release.
We give everyone their money back at the end of the evening."

Garrison Keiler

Thanks for stopping by.
If you like poker, you've come to the right place.
If you don't like poker, this blog will be like reading Latin.

Let's uber it up, shall we?
I'm not Guinness-fueled yet, but will be by the end of this post.

Speaking of - this post brought to you by Bonus Code IGGY on Party Poker.
Stop taking the poker short bus.

Hope everyone had as much as fun as I did playing in Wil & Pauly's tourneys this weekend. Congrats to Geek&Proud for winning Wil's, SirWaffle for winning Pauly's and CJ & EV for winning the blogger shoot-out. And yup, the vicious rumours are true, I finished second in Wil's tourney. I built a giant stack through conservative play and then I went whacky at the final table, which was fun as hell. There's a lot of joy for a grinder like me to be a maniac in that situation.

Might as well quote the master of ceremonies himself, Mr. Wheaton, especially since he live blogged the event at CardSquad.


7:30 PM - Iggy just dropped 73 vs. maureen's AJ, and doubled up with two pair on the flop! One hand later, they got it all in again with Iggy's 55 vs. maureen's JJ. No shit, Iggy flopped a set of fives. Presto! One hand later, Iggy eliminated heffmike. Fucking unreal.


Suckouts Galore.
That actually might make for a nice name in a James Bond novel.
But I hope everyone enjoyed the action-packed final table.

Thanks to everyone who plays in these events. It's always a damn great time.

Anyone else getting psyched for the Vegas Gathering? It's only a month away.
I thought the Google map that Mr. Rini created for us to show where we're all coming from is pretty cool. If you're coming, make sure to add yourself.

Gracie graciously gave me permission to post this photo that I took with her camera during our last get-together. She reminded me that because of my diminutive size, I was actually standing on a chair to take this picture, hence this great crew all laughing at me. I'm pretty sure we were playing HORSE at the Plaza but I was drunk then and I'm getting drunk now, so I'm likely wrong. The photo is chopped in half so it fits.

Alrighty then, let's rock and roll.

I've pimped this new poker blog before, but damn, he's officially moving to Thailand to live cheap on the beach and play internet poker. Good God, that sounds fun. I asked my wife if I could join them and she laughed in my face.
Grind blog.

SNG pro's. Interesting. I'm officially getting off the grind, starting now. The recent online poker room developments and a re-evaluation of my bankroll is allowing me to shift my perspective. I've survived as a grinder for a year. I'll wax poetic about this in a future post, but suffice to say, I'm finally ready to shift my focus to something else - multi-table tourneys and perhaps SNG's. Even if this doesn't stick, I'm taking a break from limit grinding. Sadly, I'm woefully ignorant of what tournaments are when and where and best overlay, et al. I'm prepared to grovel for someone's info (or excel spreadsheet) on this. Feel free to help - I'm clueless here.

I'm lucky that I've been able to grow my bankroll, like an ever-ripening investment in the condom market, to the point where I can take stock of my next poker goals. I'm utterly burnt on grinding right now. Crispy fried. Funny, I thought I knew how hard poker was gonna be, but I truly didn't.

Let's move along, shall we?

I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have an unholy fascination with watching people tilt or steam. I'm a people-watcher, anyway, so it probably stems from that, but geepers, is there anything more disconcerting than watching someone internally implode at the poker table? And it's only at the poker table that I enjoy watching a full-blown vulgar Tilt. Not so funny in the Real world.

And so Howard made me wonder if I need address this.

Subject: I rarely tilt, but............

I confess to being subject to two evil emotion/attitudes: Jealousy and chadenfreude. If I see someone piling up the chips with the same exact hands that I am losing with I get jealous. I know that sooner or later it will all work out for me, too, but I get jealous just the same.

Watching a player get his *just deserts*, losing all his winnings (that he had gotten from suck-out after suck-out) and then going deep into his pocket is so delicious to me that I can't apologize for it. If he moans a lot, wonders what is going on, it's even better. I hide it but I can't resist in indulging. I am so perverse that I encourage and justify the bad play while rolicking inwardly. This has got to be unworthy on many levels but I can't help it.

I think these are the last two things that I have to defeat in order to achieve the level of equanimity that I am seeking but they are going to be tough to overcome.

Howard Beale

Let's delve into this new twist on the Online Poker is Rigged argument.
Still no proof, of course. No analysis, no database of hand histories...
I love reading these guys:

Author: someone@microsoft.com

Do you realize how lucky we are?

Mankind has been plagued with dishonesty and evil. Every nation, race, and industry has a criminal element, dishonest people who seek to swindle others out of their wealth.

Gambling has an equally sordid history tainted by organized crime and murder.

Yet, in our times and right in our mist, we have the piousness of online poker!

These off shore, unregulated operations have no dishonesty! They are of pure heart, Chivilrous Knights of a time long forgotten! Biblical examples just out of reach of our strongest personal aspirations!

How do we know?

Because their idiotic minions tell us that online poker is completely honest!

Let's face a certain fact: if online poker lacks dishonest businesses that are not rigged, it would be the ONLY INDUSTRY IN THE HISTORY OF THE MANKIND to be absent of dishonesty or crime.

Here's a clue, that's bullshit.

When hundreds of millions of dollars, no, when billions of revenue are in play, and when the means are so readily available, there is going to be dishonesty. The analytics are there, and it is a certainty that some site, if not many, have every player profiled as to their habits and how to maximize the profit from the relationship. And if that means an occaisional tweak of the cards, its done.

This does not change the fact that the vast majority of moaining rigged claims are idiotic.

But here is a simple challenge. Imagine your child, your spouse, your most precious loved one. A gun is at their head. Make the decision, is online poker 100% legit, or are there rigged sites. Answer wrong, your loved one is dead.

Almost everyone is going to side with world history... yes, there are bad apples in the cart.

And thus, in fact, "online poker is rigged" may not be a universal truth, but it is certainly TRUE.


This guy really needs an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.
And don't forget, shiny side out!

Most folks have long past given up trying to explain logic to these deluded fools, myself included. But I always enjoy it when someone tries. To whit:

> Let's face a certain fact: if online poker lacks dishonest businesses that
> are not rigged, it would be the ONLY INDUSTRY IN THE HISTORY OF THE MANKIND
> to be absent of dishonesty or crime.

I'll give you an honest reply, even if I don't think you deserve it.

Let's say we all accept your statement that no industry in the history of mankind has been completely free from corruption or dishonesty. The logical flaw in your argument is that BECAUSE the online poker industry has dishonesty/corruption (we accept this) then online poker must be "rigged" against the player.

"Rigging" the game against the player or in favor of the house is only ONE example of how an online poker room could be dishonest or corrupt. Just because I accept that there is corruption in the golf equipment business, doesn't mean that I can rightly accuse them of murdering rivals (or any other particular crime).

Online poker rooms could engage in intellectual property theft, evasion of taxes, denial-of-service attacks against other sites, etc, etc. Many people are convinced that fleecing their customers is NOT the way to grow/maintain their profitable business. Your "air-tight" argument is nothing.

God.. why did I even bother.

Later on, I discovered this sweetly retarded viewpoint, but because it was a gigantic thread, I'm posting it.

Subject: I'm bored therefore i posit this theory

People who believe online poker is rigged are the same people who believe in astrology, are the same people that believe things happen for a reason, are the same people who believe god has a plan for them, are the same people who believe in id or that evolution is hierarchical. Discuss or ignore. thank you.

And finally, my personal favorite online poker is rigged post from the last week:

Subject: Party Poker is not rigged BUT...

I know a guy who works for Party Poker so I asked him straight up if he knew if it was rigged like so many conspiracy people claim. He says no, it is definitely not rigged.

But he says that the random number generator has been tweaked IN THE HOPES that the skill players can't completely dominate the majority of unskilled players who rely solely on luck. It is just an attempt to level the playing field. He said they can't assure this, but they are constantly adjusting the RNG. It's not an exact science, in other words. The results will always be random, no matter what they do. So I think it is safe for all the conspiracy people to take their tin foil hats off now. Read these words carefully: PARTY POKER IS NOT RIGGED. Repeat as necessary.


WOW that's a load off my mind. So it's not rigged - they just mess with the RNG to help out the losing players?
A W E S O M E !!!

Lordy, let's stop posting that crap, shall we?

For any of you, like me, with a nice chunk of change stuck in various online poker accounts, here's a word of warning. Better to be honest with your spouse than to lose money in case of tragedy.

Morbid Question

I almost got ran over by some stupid Phi Mu chick driving some huge SUV talking on a cell phone yesterday, and it got me to thinking: I have a small fortune (to most people, not high stakes 2+2'ers) sitting on various internet poker sites. Noone knows my passwords or how to access this money aside from me; what would happen to this money should I meet an untimely demise? Anyone thought about setting up some sort of a "will" with instructions on how to retrieve this money for their loved ones? How willing would off-shore gaming sites be willing to work with my family should they not have access to something like this?

Sorry if this doesn't belong here it was just on my mind...

Sigh, but allow me to share with you, gentle reader, what I go through to pluck those rare gems out of RGP.

99% of the threads I read generally go like this. Freak is asking the original poster why he thinks online poker is rigged. Enjoy.

Author: FreakPoker

it's not the fact that they can't control the outcome, it's the fact that they are trying to in the first place.

Okay, let's say you and I are playing live. On every deal I try to look at your cards. Maybe I see them once out of thirty deals. At the end of a session that's a pretty good advantage I've got myself. Would you consider this cheating? Or would you not consider it cheating because I'm not controlling the outcome and I'm not always successful at seeing your cards?


Author: Poker Cunt

dude, party poker rocks. have you seen their commercials? they are awesome.


Author: FreakPoker

Judging from you not answering my question I'll take that as a sign of you knowing what bullshit this would be if it were true.


Author: Poker Cunt

"FreakPoker" <43082258@recpoker.com> wrote in message
> Judging from you not answering my question I'll take that as a sign of you
> knowing what bullshit this would be if it were true.

i'm sorry. what was your question?


Author: FreakPoker (43082258@recpoker.com)

Here's some cut and paste for you:

Okay, let's say you and I are playing live. On every deal I try to look at your cards. Maybe I see them once out of thirty deals. At the end of a session that's a pretty good advantage I've got myself. Would you consider this cheating? Or would you not consider it cheating because I'm not controlling the outcome and I'm not always successful at seeing your cards?


Author: Poker Cunt

i like to rub my clitty when i play poker.

Pretty typical. And I won't even touch on the abortion thread. Pure ugliness.
Yes, it's a thankless job here at G&P.

Doh, I've been remiss in forgetting to link to Otis's fine CardPlayer article about the Pokerstars 2005 World Championship Of Online Poker.

New article from the esteemed Ed Miller at 2+2 about the IRS and poker. Excellent advice.
The Audits Are Coming

Here's an interview with Wil Wheaton about blogging over at Forbes magazine. I'm mostly bringing it up so I can off-handedly mention that I helped build Steve Forbes presidential website back in the day. Yeah, that was time well-spent.

It remains to be seen if Party Poker will buy Empire Poker. From The Times:
Decline and fall of a poker Empire

Ever wondered about the meanings of playing cards?
Here's what I discovered - I can't validate the veracity, but here's the playing cards and their historical personage.

King of Hearts - Charlemagne
Queen of Hearts - Judith (of the Book of Judith, an Apocryphal Book of the Bible)
Jack of Hearts - "La Hire," a famous French warrior a.k.a. Etienne de Vignoles
King of Spades - King David
Queen of Spades - Pallas, a.k.a. Minerva
Jack of Spades - Hogier the Dane, one of Charlemagne's paladins
King of Diamonds - Julius Caesar
Queen of Diamonds - Rachel (of the Bible)
Jack of Diamonds - Hector of Troy
King of Clubs - Alexander the Great
Queen of Clubs - Argine - An anagram of Regina
Jack of Clubs - Lancelot

Want to read a car wreck? From the fine folks at 2+2:
My life as a compulsive gambler

It's no big secret that I'm a fan of Daniel N. He just finished filming a new poker TV show where poker pro's come to the table armed with their own bankroll. Make sure to read:
High Stakes Poker: Day One
High Stakes Poker: Day Two
High Stakes Poker: Final Day

Continuing the Negreanu theme, here's a question with a followup from Daniel himself.

Subject: Who was Daniel N. talking about?

So, in Daniel Negreanu's blog he makes a comment about some player making a horrible play. I was just wondering if anyone knows who he is talking about?

Here is what he said:

"Frankly, the players I was playing against played the Stud 8 or better, Omaha H/L, and 2-7 triple draw games rather poorly. I saw a play in the Omaha that all but blew my mind!

There was a raise under the gun, a call in second position, a call from the button, and a call from the big blind. The flop came Q-10-6 rainbow and it got checked around to the button.

The button bet, and the big blind check raised, with the initial raiser and the button calling.

The turn came a 5 and there was a bet by the button and two calls. The river came an ace and it was checked around.

The button turned over Queens and Tens, the original raiser showed aces and sixes, and the check raiser from the big blind showed... J J 7 3 Badugi! (Badugi
meaning all four cards were different suits)

Since the play was that horrendous, I would feel uncomfortable telling you who made it. One thing for sure, is that y'all would be shocked. Shocked I tell you!"

Daniel's been narrowing it down via polls in the forum portion of his site. Go read his post in his forums. It's been trimmed down to Chau Giang, Eli Elezra, Barry Greenstein, David Benyamine or Daniel Negreanu.
Who made the following play?

Of course, someone on RGP had to give Dan shit and Gary Carson gives his two cents and clarifies his position on Daniel.

> danny really is an insecure asshole if he's doing childish shit like
> this....which apparently he is so maybe i should have just said danny is
> an insecure asshole.

You're just jealous.

You'd be insecure too if your new wife insisted on keeping her old
apartment near her mother half way across the country.

> I guess you're new to the concept of "sarcasm". Carson hates Negreanu.

That's nonsense.

I get a kick out of him. I have no reason to hate him and I don't hate him and I've never done anything to harm him.

I don't think he's very bright, but that's why he's so funny.

This idea that I dislike Danny or hate Danny or am jealous of Danny is just nonsense. I get a huge kick out of him.

I don't, however get a kick out of anticipating his future. I don't think his long term prospects are very good and I do feel bad for him about that.

The jealous thing was a joke though.

Gary Carson

Of course, the original poster came clean with why his opinion doesn't mean much in the annals of RGP history.

Subject: My RGP Legacy
Author: ChrisBrown

Years from now, RGPers will remember:

Andy Morton for Morton's theorem
Abdul Jalib for his various loose game hold'em writing
Steve Badger for his posts and website on Omaha
Gary carson for his wit, statistical knowledge, sklansky-muth feuds and
his book
Jerrod and Chen for their "0, 1" posts
Tom Weideman for his "Confessions of a Math Guy" posts
Peg Smith for ""

ChrisBrown for making a post and including a diagram on how to strategically fold toilet paper so that one can wipe their ass properly:


I'll say it again. I'm going to be remembered as the guy with detailed instructions on how to prepare to wipe your ass. What's even worse, is that it may become known as "The Brown Shit Theory."

For some reason I don't think my mother would be proud.

I've read many strange TuckerMax stories, but his latest....

Nice column by Ray Cooke about becoming a pro poker player.
Live the Dream as a Poker Pro

If you like that, you'll love this rant, comment and further perspective:

Subject: Your probably not a pro -- Message to the young bucks wasting their lives (please read)......
Author: KKsuited

This topic came up yesterday regarding trying to make a living playing poker.
My advice, get a job.

There are plenty of players who can make a living playing poker. The Grinders, Gigabets, Ganks, and GambleAB's of the world, those guys obviously can play some cards. They can support themselves playing poker.

To the internet college drop out grinders, please go get an education and a job. Trying to grind out a few hundred dollars a week to live on is no way to live. If you've been playing for 3 years, 50-100 hours a week, and don't have a significant bankroll, you're not very good. I don't give a rat's ass how well you did in that one tournament on Pokerstars or whatever, a fact is a fact.

Many very good players in the Pro poker world are broke. Many goofballs look at that as justification why themselves being broke is no big deal. Maybe now I'm seeing why these kids aren't in college. That's the logic of a baboon.

I am a winning player. I make money playing poker. Do I have a huge bankroll? No, but I do have a master's degree that allows me to play poker just about whenever I want to.

Most of these college kids are going to look back when they're 28-29 years old and realize what idiots they were. Here they are, no 401(k), no degree, no family life, no house, no money in the bank, nothing but a wasted f'ing 10 years of their lives. What a said story.

Poker is just a temporary excuse for their lazy asses not to have to go to school or have a real job. Well, goodluck to you in 5 or 6 years when you don't have jack to show for it.

Seriously, get a job and play poker on the weekends. When you start making enough to support yourself, then play fulltime if you are so lucky. I don't understand why that's so hard to understand.

Think about how many goofballs were writing Blog's about their "pro poker careers". How many of them are still left?

Goodluck in whatever you do.


> he's trying to prove that he's a self-righteous pontificating piece of
> baboon shit.


Yeah, recommending that young people get an education and provide themselves with the best chance of being able to provide for themselves. That evil bastard.

Have I ever mentioned that Linda at Table Tango was my original inspiration behind the Destroying Workplace Productivity motiff? Damn, I killed some serious time in her blog. Her info about the Big Game always blew me away and was the only serious source of info on the web back then.

What Big Game? Read this article at CardPlayer and then buy the damn book. It's absolutely fascinating. I hope Andy Beal challenges them again, damnit.
Biggest Poker Game in Vegas History

Anyway, there's lots of new articles at the new CardPlayer.

I love these rambling, tangential posts. One of these days, I swear I'll write tight little posts.

This post made me think cause this is how I played at Wil's final table.

Subject: Should You Ever Call a Blind "All In" Bet?

I observed both an amusing (and at the same time sickening) event the other night. While waiting for the "Shuffle Up and Deal!" call from the TD in a local [free roll] bar tournament, two players at my table spontaneously began taunting each other. The first one, whom I'll call "Crazy Idiot," challenged another player to go all-in "blind" on the first hand - neither would look at their hole cards until the river
card had been turned up.

Initially, the "other guy" agreed, but when it was his turn to act, he tossed his cards in the muck declaring, "I was just joking!" The next player to act, who was on the button, brought it in for a 50 chip bet. Everybody folded except "Crazy Idiot" who declared that he was all-in. The interesting thing about this is that "Crazy" had still not looked at his hole cards - he had gone "all in" blind!

So it's back around to the button who asks "Crazy" if he's serious? "Crazy Idiot" immediately responds "I'm all in!" The button looks at his cards - a KQ offsuit - and calls.

Of course, you can guess what happened next ... "Crazy Idiot" turns over his hole cards - the 4 and 2 of spades. (Hey, at least they were suited!) The flop comes 8-2-2 rainbow. When no paint comes on the turn or river, Crazy Idiot has managed to double up on the first hand! He followed this feat by busting out me (and another guy) in the first five minutes of play.

I looked in a book on starting hand probabilities. The odds for a 4-2 suited starting hand winning the pot were one-half of one percent! (The odds heads-up for KQ unsuited were a little better - 39.2 percent.)

Later on I had an opportunity to discuss the "blind" all-in bet with the guy who had called with KQ offsuit. He was very philosophical about the whole thing when I informed him of the odds that "Crazy Idiot" had beat. He stated that he shouldn't have called - regardless of what hand "Crazy" did [or did not] have. I told him that I would have done exactly what he had done, (i.e. called with KQ offsuit against a "blind" all-in bet), and that I would "call" every time given the same circumstances.

I've been thinking about this some more since then. Have any of you seen this kind of idiocy in an actual "real money" tournament - where some joker goes all-in "blind" - without even bothering to look at his hole cards? I would think that a player who does this kind of thing repeatedly will be busted out, oh, about 99 percent of the time!?! Am I right or wrong on this?


Here's another sign that poker has jumped the shark.
Check out the plot outline in the IMDB link below:
Casino Royale

And because I'm a movie junkie, I feel compelled to share this RGP movie post:

The best poker movies:
California Split
The Cincinnati Kid
A Big Hand For The Little Lady
Mr. Cory

The Best Movies About Cheating and Scamming at Poker
House Of Games
The Sting

Best TV Shows About Poker
Shannon's Deal

Weirdest Movie About Poker
The Music Of Chance

Best Poker Scenes in Otherwise Unrelated Films
My Little Chickadee
"Is this a game of chance?"
"Not the way I play it."

John Candy teaching a fellow recruit how to play

Wyatt Earp
Dennis Quaid as Doc Holliday

Best Home Games
The Odd Couple
Sleep With Me
Sink or Swin (aka Hacks)

Best Movies About Gambling
The Gambler
The Hustler
Let It Ride
Les Tricheurs (The Cheats - French)
Hard Eight
Guys And Dolls
Eight Men Out
The Flamingo Kid (gin)
The Runner
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Honourable Mention:
The Colour of Money -- not nearly as good as the Hustler, but for the
great scene where Forrest Whittaker ("Do you think I should
lose some weight?) hustles Paul Newman.

Great Gambling/Casino Scenes in non-Gambling Movies
A Bronx Tale (alley craps)
Going In Style (casino craps)
Lost In America (compulsive gambling - roulette at the desert inn)

Best Las Vegas Atmosphere

Most Interesting Non-Gambling Film With Gambling Applications
Searching For Bobby Fischer

Did anyone else see that this 2004 WSOP bracelet didn't meet the minimum bid on eBay? In fact, the top bid was only $777. The notes say, "inherited it from a relative who won it in 2004." Hrrm.

The merits of buying a WSOP bracelet was discussed on RGP -

> better question, why would anyone want to buy one?

I agree lass. What would you do with a WSOP bracelet that you didn't win?

I mean, Phil Helmuth is the most desperate person on the planet to get a 10th WSOP bracelet and even he wouldn't buy it. Of course there's always Dutch Boyd - he never seemed to have any trouble taking things that belong to other people.

Funny, but I just realized this weekend that hangovers are caused by an absence of alcohol and are easily remedied.

Time to wrap this up or I'll be sitting here till dawn.
Like that's never happened before.

Let's leave you with two idiots who think it's cool to breach etiquette at the poker table. Posts and a reply or two.

Massive thread and massive flames, especially by Tanya, bless her. This first guy just refused to admit he was wrong after multiple old-timers tried to explain things to him.

Subject: What is so wrong about getting excited after winning a key hand?

A guy I knocked out at the Taj USPC event last night was very miffed when my presto (55) rivered a straight against his cowboys (KK) and I got a little excited about it (fist pump, slap of hands, a little 'wooh').

Then after I bust 17th I'm in the room watching ESPN and this blob of a guy named Lars is bitching about it too.

As long as I'm not doing cartwheels or downright berating/belittling my opponent, what in the hell is so wrong about getting excited/celebrating? Watch any football game, a guy makes a big hit, or hell, even a tackle for no gain and they go apeshit. And they are supposed to be professionals. We're just gamblers looking to take other people's money.

// end of rant.



Mal247 you are a persistent fellow. Here you have a group full of experienced players telling you not to do what you did, and why, and you won't accept it. Not only that, you're the one who brought it up! If you won't accept other people's opinions why did you ask? You could at least say you'll think about it. I'm going to give you some credit and attribute your stubbornnes to your personal belief, inarticulately expressed, that you didn't mean the other player any harm and that your celebration was not meant to do so.


I'll try my hand at telling you what you did wrong.

You are the fellow dining with a group who eats with his hands, belches loudly and wipes his mouth with the back of his arm. You're enjoying your dinner but are disgusting to everyone else present who happen to have manners. You are embarrassing to yourself, totally unaware, and are a discomfort to your neighbors. Someone brings you aside and points out what you've done and your answer is that you will enjoy your food your way.

I don't think it's unsafe to say that the responders above wouldn't consider you fit company.

Poetry in motion with the latter. Well played.

And one last asshole to close out this awful post. I'm just happy to pound out a post and give you an excuse to be unproductive on a Monday.

That's why I'm here, damnit.

Subject: Banned for slowrolling on-line??
Author: FaceDownAcesUp

Final table of a 10$ MTT last night on PS. I pick up Queens in the BB, some newbert on the button raises, SB folds and I just call.

The two of us see a flop.

Flop is Q 2 6 rainbow.

I make a small bet, donk calls.

Turn is a J.

I bet, donkey raises. At this point I'm almost certain that the fish has AJ or even better, JJ.

I just smooth call not wanting to spook my cash cow and get him out of the hand. I've got some milking to do.

River is a meaningless 7 , there are no flushes or straights on the board. I hold the immortal nuts. I make a sweet little value bet, oh so subtle and oh so tempting

Donkey immediately re-raises me all-in.

I laugh to myself and wonder if people are just stupid or if this type of bad play is due to lack of poker experience.

I decide it's both.

But before I click the call button I think why not make this fish sweat it out. Not because he did anything to me in the past, but just because he is one of those annoying douches who has a picture of his goofy looking wife and kids as his avatar. He is also one of those jokers that thinks it's social hour at the table. Every hand is "nh, well played, yada yada yada," no matter if he wins or loses. I hate fake
people like this with a passion.

Up to this point I'd been talking a good game all throughout the tourney. I made sure everyone knew how much they sucked and how lucky they were to even be at the final table, so there was definitely no shortage of jealous haters around me.

As my timer is running down I click the button for an extra 60 seconds.

Recreated Chatlog

Hater 1: zzzzzzzzzz

FaceDownAcesUp: Wow, u must have the nuts if you re-raised me on the

Donk: Hehe, I like my hand.

FaceDownAcesUp: wtf does that mean? a good hand to a moron like you
could be ace high.

Hater 2: call him then u fukin *

25 seconds left.......

FaceDownAcesUp: I think I'm gonna lay this down and pick a better spot.

Hater 1: AHAHAHAH pu$$ie!!

Hater 2: Nice job poker god.

10 seconds left.........

FaceDownAcesUp: Do you get it yet , stupid?

FaceDownAcesUp: Do you realize what is about to happen?

5 seconds left.............

FaceDownAcesUp: You're done here.

I call and he sees the William's sisters, two big beatiful black queens staring him right in the face.

And of course he had 2 jacks. I don't think I have ever met a donkey that could lay down a set with no flush, no straight on the board. That's what makes them donkies and that's why I love them.

Immediately some railbird tells me that he is reporting me for harrassment and slowrolling. 2 of the haters jump on the bandwagon and say they are going to email support and report me as well. I laugh and tell the railbird to go ahead. Then he starts going into this rant about how sorry I will be and that I should read up on the rules before I laugh.

Is it possible to be banned for talking trash and slowrolling people online? I never used profanity or anything like that, so I think I am ok. But this railbird seemed so confident that it made me wonder. Has this ever happened to anyone in the past?


Your post only shows that you're an immature asshole. Stick to computer games bucko and avoid the risk of physical injury.

Irish Mike

Thanks a ton for reading.


Link of the Day:
Overcome Your Happy Childhood
Nothing brings people closer to you than a near death experience, according to the tragineers at By-Accident.Com. "Achieve the attention you deserve ... create a new dramatic past."

Sunday, November 06, 2005

The 3 billionth hand is VERY close to being hit on Party Poker.

Just saying.
Hell, I'm sitting there folding away while watching the final blogger table.

Congrats to CJ and EV for winning their elite seats in our Vegas shoot-out.

Whew, tons of poker blogger tourney goodness this weekend. Guess I'm gonna start an uber-post.

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