Friday, April 01, 2005

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
Which road do I take? she asked.
Where do you want to go? was his response.
I don't know, Alice answered.
Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.

Lewis Carroll

Bonus Code IGGY on Party Poker, damnit.

Thanks again to everyone who played in the tournament. We should do that more often, methinks.

The above quote reminds me of my current work/career situation. And it's all good. A few folks have been encouraging me to go to culinary school, especially my sister. She seems to think that writing about food would be superior to poker.

But isn't that the way it always is? You take a great hobby like poker or cooking, turn it into your full-time job and suddenly it's not quite the passionate undertaking it once was.

Ah-hah, but that's not quite true for me with poker now.

My past weekend of B&M poker was just what I needed to re-charge my batteries. In fact, in truly disturbing fashion, I'm fantasizing about setting up a tent along the scenic Ohio river, cooking franks and beans over an open fire ala hobo style, and walking down to the Caesars Palace card room every afternoon.

I kinda like the idea of being a cardroom regular, even if for just a few weeks, in the tiny town of New Albany, Indiana. At the least, it should provide some interesting blog fodder, if not more. I always enjoyed the anthropological study of poker rooms in David Hayano's book, Poker Faces.

I'm still working through the logistics. The wife gave me permission - what else do I need? The biggest hindrance right now is my physical therapy, as I still have four more weeks of hell to endure.

But there is a little shack-like place renting rooms for $100 a week not 500 yards away from the boat. And I'm #1 on the waiting list. When I get that call, I'm packing up and leaving.

Anyway, who the hell cares. I'm banging away at Party Poker (and still begging for a Bonus Code IGGY signup here!!! Not one fucking signup in March - kill me now) and enjoying the ride.

K, let's give ya something better to read than my drunken blatherings. Honestly, there are so many great posts over there on the right, I could spend an entire post pointing them out. Maybe I'll do that in a future post. Make sure to spend some time surfing from the blogroll the next time you are clicking and folding on Party Poker.

You want some random poker ramblings? I got ramblings in spades....
Please continue.

I'll be dipped. Golden Palace bought the Pink Bunny auction on eBay for 15 grand.

Two Plus Two just announced the new issue of their online poker magazine.
Fourteen new articles to chew on.
April 2005 Issue

Interesting poker article on the founders of Pacific Poker.
Apparently the Israelies don't mind the profits but don't want their citizens contributing.

Yahoo Biz wrote about Pokerstars throwing a big birthday party for Shaq earlier in the month. They gave him a year's worth of private lessons from Greg Raymer plus an entry into the main event. I'd love to see him playing at a table with Tony G.

Didcha know Tony G has a poker blog? Now you do.
Tony G Poker

Also, Annie Duke did a website redesign. There's some good articles in there.

Favorite confession from today's Grouphug "Today I drank, smoked weed, and watch people rail morphine, all while sitting in the break room at a Staples, and I don't even work there. "

Allow me to float a weird drunken idea. Any interest in setting up a WSOP Qualifier for us? Set it up for month from now... 100 + 10 buy in. Would need about 110 people to register for tournament to happen and have one seat awarded, plus 1,000 in travel money. Prolly a silly idea but I'd sure love to send someone from the blogging community in our name....

Just when I was feeling sorry for ol Dutch Boyd, he had to go and ruin it. Check out this post from his blog about 2005 WSOP Champ, Greg Raymer.

I gotta say it.
Dutch, you're truly a Buttnut.

Read a post that Paul Phillips made about me where he says that I'm not totally irredeemable. Thanks Paul... if I ever redeem myself we'll have to play some Scrabble sometime... speaking of people who think I'm a POS, I had a pretty lame interaction with Greg Raymer at the Copenhagen tournament.

I'll tell you all about it in another post. Suffice it to say that there are plenty of people out there who don't like me that I like, respect, and sometimes even admire. Greg Raymer isn't on that list... he's a great player I'm sure, but personality-wise I pretty much think he's an ass. I'll go even one step further than that and say that I don't believe that Greg is happy with life, I definitely don't believe his WIFE is happy with life, and I don't think that he's a very esteemable person in real life. Like I said, I could be wrong.

And I loved Mister Raymer's reply to said post:

Pot, black, etc.

I guess he wishes that instead of blowing him off, I'd told him off for his thievery.

Later, Greg Raymer (FossilMan)

Typically, some fucktard tried to defend Dutch a bit (per the PokerSpot fiasco) and Greg thankfully responded again.
(My definitive Russ Boyd post)

Dutch took the player's money and used it to run the site. When he still failed to turn a profit, he lost his money, his investor's money, AND the player's money.

It is quite clear that the player's money should have been kept in a separate account, and never touched other than for taking out the money that belonged to the house (i.e., the rake). Instead, Dutch raided this money to keep himself afloat longer before going under. The player's were made unwilling investors, with no upside in that investment.

Using money that you're holding in trust is the same as stealing it.

Later, Greg Raymer (FossilMan)

I gotta say that Dutch commenting on Greg's wife is completely out of the bounds of decent behavior. But that's just me.

I could easily insert a 'your momma' joke here for Dutch, but I won't. It's a kinder, gentler Iggy, damnit.

I've read alot of strange poker claims over the years but I chuckled when I read this
at ESPN.com's poker lounge:
Allen Hanley knew he was going to win

From the article:

"It was an amazing end to the tournament, but believe it or not, a straight flush is something ordinary to Allen, who once held five royal flushes within the span of one hour at a local casino."

ESPN might wanna hire some fact-checkers....

Hrmmm, a quick jaunt thru the psychology forum in 2+2 offered these threads:

The most difficult thing about poker?
Why are some people introverts?
Best technique for going All In?
Personality types (again - but with a twist)
I Didn't Check Poker Tracker Today.....Am I a Stud?
Where can I find hookers in vegas?
Profession Least Likely To Enjoy/Play Poker

No surprise, but I ignored them all. On the other hand, I did find some crazy posts by David Sklansky which I'll be posting soon. I'm worried about the man.

Mr. Beale asks the burning question:

Subject: Are there any female maniacs?

Playing poker, that is. Be nice.

The women I've played against fit every player categorization except *maniac*. Try as I might I can't recall a single one, even the drunk ones. I've been thinking about maniacs since playing against the absolutely unbeatable one last night and realized that I've never seen a female one.

Here's an amusing poker article from Money Central at MSN.
Which online poker sites are safe bets?

I just popped on Party Poker and saw 76,000 freaking players online. I still shake my head every time I see that. It's the golden age of online poker, boys and girls. Push yer game NOW or forever regret it.

I have no regrets. The fish on Party Poker have allowed me to quit my job and sit on my butt, clicking and folding for a living. By Gawd, for everyone else, it's an easy way to pick up some additional income with some study and effort. It ain't that damn hard. I'm not an expert player, by any stretch. I'm just a slightly above average player playing with players worse than me every day. That's Party Poker in a nutshell.

Food for thought:

The "lifespan" of Online Poker

I have noticed some replies in certain post that are claiming that online poker will die out. I'd like to get some more discussion on this as I think it is ridiculous.

My reasons why I think Online-poker will not die out anytime soon (if ever) are as follows:

-- It is GAMBLING, people love to gamble.

-- It is so easily accessible. you can do it in your own home.

-- New generations are growing up and entering the poker world everyday.

Do you agree? Disagree?

Now I'm sure the popularity of poker on TV and such will die off a little eventually, but I can hardly see how the millions of online players will just go away. I just think there will always be fish in the water so why stop fishing?

This response gave me a woody. I'm not kidding.

Do you think Las Vegas casino owners in the 1950's were saying to themselves "Gee, these players keep playing blackjack, craps, roulette, and the slot machines and losing their money. I guess it'll all be over in a couple years."

Online poker isn't going anywhere. It's here to stay and will be much more popular 10 years from now than it is today.

The fish don't run out of money. They have jobs and redeposit another $200 when they feel like playing again.

Poker Updates has a new show up.

Damn, someone took the time to TIVO all the upcoming poker related TV shows for the next few days. Allow me to post them for your edification.

Poker tonight through Sunday 4/2/05

EST times

Thursday, 31 7:30 PM Poker Superstars Invitational Tournament 32 CSN
[ Repeat, or new show?]
Thursday, 31 10:00 PM Poker 29 ESPN2
Replay of the 2004 Taj US Championship- don't know what episode
Thursday, 31 11:00 PM Poker 29 ESPN2
Another episode?

Friday, 1 1:00 AM E! Hollywood Hold 'Em
Poker night with Zach Levi
Friday, 1 1:30 AM Casino Diaries: The Big Poker Game DTIMES
One of the players comments on the TOC?
Friday, 1 2:00 AM Celebrity Poker Showdown BRAVO
Brandi Chastain, Camryn Manheim, Colin Quinn, Tom Verica, Kevin Weisman
Friday, 1 9:30 AM Casino Diaries: The Big Poker Game DTIMES
Friday, 1 5:30 PM Casino Diaries: The Big Poker Game DTIMES
Friday, 1 9:00 PM Poker Royale 2: Battle of the Sexes GSN
Friday, 1 10:50 PM The Cooler

Saturday, 2 12:00 AM Poker Superstars Invitational Tournament FOXW2
Saturday, 2 12:00 AM Poker Royale: The WPPA Championship GSN
Saturday, 2 9:00 AM Beverly Hills, 90210: Anaconda SOAP
Poker game is followed by a burglary
Saturday, 2 12:00 PM World Poker Tour: Foxwoods World Poker Finals

2004 repeat
Saturday, 2 4:00 PM E! Hollywood Hold 'Em
Saturday, 2 6:00 PM 2004 US Championship ESPN
[They may be showing all the episodes in order]
Saturday, 2 6:00 PM World Poker Tour: Doyle Brunson North American
Poker Championship
Repeat of Wednesday's new show
Saturday, 2 7:00 PM 2004 US Championship ESPN
Saturday, 2 8:00 PM 2004 US Championship ESPN
Saturday, 2 9:00 PM 2004 US Championship ESPN
Saturday, 2 10:00 PM E! Hollywood Hold 'Em
Saturday, 2 10:00 PM 2004 US Championship ESPN
Saturday, 2 11:00 PM Poker Superstars Invitational Tournament CSN
Saturday, 2 11:00 PM World Series of Poker ESPNC
#4 episode from 2003 WSOP

Sunday, 3 12:00 AM Poker Royale 2: Battle of the Sexes GSN
Sunday, 3 10:00 AM World Series of Poker ESPNC
#4 episode from 2003 WSOP again?
Sunday, 3 8:00 PM Poker Superstars Invitational Tournament CSN
[ Should be a new one?]
Sunday, 3 8:00 PM Celebrity Poker Showdown: Game 4 BRAVO
2003 repeat with Coolio
Sunday, 3 11:30 PM PrimeTime
"also, women's high-stakes poker"
Monday, 4 1:00 AM Ultimate Poker Challenge WPSG
[not sure what exactly the episode is going to be]

I'm a cable-less loser, but I'm sure the above might be helpful for some of you non-luddites out there.

It's that time again. Yup, let's pimp the new poker bloggers. Please take some time and check out the new folks. I'm sure they'd appreciate some links and readers, as would we all.

Aces Full Poker
Forget about a chip and a chair, give me a hand and I'll stand

I enjoyed playing with John last evening in the tourney.
Life and Times of a Poker Addict
The mundane musings of a slightly-better-than average poker player...

The Poker Game of Life
Poker and scotch on the rocks. Below are my reflections on life and poker. My journey from $4-8 as a past time to $15-30 for serious money and my life experiences in between.
Please go read his last post:
Women are like Ace something

I'm long overdue in pimping Matt Matros's blog. Buy his book while you're at it.
Matt Matros

Poker Blog by Max Pescatori

Everything in Moderation - Including Moderation
Because sometimes, a little bit of excess is a good thing.

Terrence Chan
Well known RGP poster and Poker Stars illumanti.

Murph's Musings
A Las vegas dealers poker blog

playing poker and teaching science
i'm an 8th grade science teacher, high school wrestling coach, poker player, scuba diver, aikido black belt, amateur writer, and a student of life.

Christian Poker Pro

Part of a pro blog network which means they get paid to blog.
Yes, I'm bitter that I write this all up for free.

Bonus Fucking Code IGGY. Please.

Poker Profits

See For Yourself
Resplendent feats of exalted irrelevance: pretentious musings, trivial concerns, and a bit too much poker.

The comments and thoughts of a cynical melancholy London based Poker Player, United supporter and general laggard. Who when fails to recoup, well maybe: I just haven't earned it yet baby...

Big Syd's Poker Blog

My mission to avoid tilt in poker and life, but mostly poker...

High Poker
Playing for a living.

Gotta love the new blogs.

Helpful tip to readers: When you're a kid, humming or singing into a fan is a lot of fun and entertaining, but please don't let anyone catch you doing it when you're 39 years old.

And with that, I'm done for the evening. Thanks for anyone reading - I'm off to the tables.

In closing, some words of advice from Lou.

When it comes down to starting hands, there's a lot more that ought to be factored into the analysis:

1. How's your bankroll? Do you have enough money to play optimally, or are you on a short bankroll and feel the need to sacrafice some EV in order to offset a whole lot of variance. You can earn just as much money that way, but it will take a few more hours at the table to get there.

2. How well do you play compared to the skill of your opponents? If you can outplay them after the flop, or if your opponents are very predictable players, you can see a few more flops -- don't carry this to extremes, however -- than you can against tougher opposition.

3. How good are your opponents at reading you? If they are clueless, there's no point in disguising your hands of varying your play. If they are aware of what you seem to be doing, then you can make a play every now and then.

There's just so much about deciding what hands to play and under what circumstances to play them that if you spend some time thinking about it you can probably come up with a long list of factors that should be brought to bear on the "play/no play" decision.

After all, if all there was to playing your first two cards was rote memorization, anyone could be expert at this phase of the game.

Having said that, I recognize that my books have suggested starting hands for early, mid, and late position. But those suggestions are are GUIDE, and as soon as the beginning player learns what hands are good starters, and garners sufficient experience playing hold'em, he's free to move off that list and begin to interpolate his play based on a wide variety of factors.

New players, obviously, need guideposts. But as soon as they get their chops down, they can improvise a bit. But if they are grounded in some sort of hand selection theory, the very guidelines they are deviating from will serve as a basis for understanding what they are doing and why they are doing it.

The analogy to music is easy and obvious. Until a musician has his chops down, can handle his instrument, and knows melody, theory, and harmony he probably shouldn't do a whole lot of improvising. But once he's got his chops down cold, then he's free to become another Miles, Mingus, Monk, or Rollins -- or try to.

Keep flopping aces,

Lou Krieger

Link of the Day:
Ride the Freakin Hooers
If Bill O'Reilly's sex talk made you hotter than a falafel, wait until you hear the voicemail messages left by former CBS Sports host Pat O'Brien before he entered rehab.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

A huge thanks to Pauly for updating the top finishers, complete with links to their respective poker blogs.

The Money Winners:

1. Pathetic Poker
2. Pumpkin1974
3. Sethypooh21
4. Iggy
5. Minus790
6. Bill
7. JP
8. Maigrey
9. BobRespert
11. Mad_Scorpion
12. Heffmike
13. Ash97
14. aboutmattlaw
15. FW190
16. Derek
17. easy_wind
18. RicoM

Once I get some Guinness in my belly, I'll try writing up a post this evening.

109 players participated. Thanks to everyone who did so - another fun night of Hammers and goofy chat. I'm not very good at tourney recaps so go visit Pauly, who is, and already has a fine writeup posted. I prolly shouldn't have gotten so damn drunk.

John Paul has a nice link list of bloggers who played.

After a hard fought battle, it was Pathetic Poker Play who ended up the champ. The bloggers remain undefeated. Well done, sir.

I really enjoy these damn tourneys. It's fun to get a chance to play with all these people I read on a regular basis. Plus, since I won the Monty Memorial last year, I feel zero pressure to do well, the WPBT leaderboard be damned. But I hit a lucky streak last evening and ended up finishing 4th.

Thanks again to everyone who played. Once my head clears, I'll be back with more poker goodness.....

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Less than 20 minutes tiil the World Poker Bloggers Tournament.
Open to all.
Bloggers remain undefeated, somehow.

Details: Tonight Wednesday, March 30th
$20 + $2 - No-Limit
Poker Stars - Private tournament tab
Password: thehammer

"I won't go into the long sordid history of me and Party Poker, but let's just say Iggy was right about Party. (You got that, Iggy? You won't hear it again from me. Savor this moment, you bastard. Bonus Code IGGY!)

I'm still waiting patiently for a single signup this month.
I guess I'm gonna have to start blogging my ass off again.

It's a beautiful day here today.
NOW I see the benefits of pokering full-time.

Tonight is the night for the WPBT tourney.
Hurry and sign up.

Details: Tonight Wednesday, March 30th
$20 + $2 - No-Limit
Poker Stars - Private tournament tab
Password: thehammer

I have a ton of poker content in the que, but I'm gonna save it for prolly tomorrow. It's just too pretty today to spend it inside.

But here's a few random links to get you through your workday. Lord knows there's too many great posts out there right now. Pauly in Vegas, BG and AL debating which poker blogger would be eaten first if we were stranded on a desert island, CJ getting his two cents in ala bloggers meet Survivor, Bill Rini writing up some superb black comedy, FilmGeek back from the PPM cruise, DoubleAS winning a trip to Aruba, hells bells, I could go on and on. Do yourself a favor and surf around the blogs on the right, the next time you are sitting and folding on Party Poker.

But for now, I'm overdue in linking up the PokerProf's Poker Player newspaper. Ain't NOBODY got a better handle on the Las Vegas poker tournament scene than the crew over at Vegas Vegas. Check it out.

Here's a must visit for you - excellent Phil Helmuth parody videos.
Worth the download - this was really well done.
Bill Fillmaff's Secret System
You're Playing Poker. He's Playing Poker Right.

This is kinda bizarre but funny.
The misguided fools in the marketing department over at Warner Brothers have an interactive Texas Hold Em game on their site, promoting the new movie Miss Congeniality 2. Hoist of the Guinness to Joaquin for the link.
Go play some poker with William Shatner:
Miss Congeniality 2 Poker

The Den Mother of our little poker blogging scene, Maudie, has set up a WPBT store over at Cafe Press. Do her a big favor and check out her cool offerings. And then buy something, damnit.
WPBT Poker Store

And last but not least, I was ASTOUNDED to see that Terri Schiavo is blogging!
Simply amazing. The comments are touching.
Terri Schiavo blog

Hope to see everyone in the tournament tonight!

Monday, March 28, 2005

The Banker vs. The Corporation: Let's Get Ready to Rumble

Bonus Code IGGY on Party Poker!

The obligatory:

A reminder to everyone that the next official No-Limit WPBT tournament on Poker Stars, open to all, is in TWO days.

Details: This Wednesday, March 30th
$20 + $2 - No-Limit
Poker Stars - Private tournament tab
Password: thehammer

But here's the big poker news. From Barry Shulman at CardPlayer:


Beal and Brunson close to an $80 million poker game

Last fall I was at the center of, and tried to help facilitate, the biggest poker game in the world between Andy Beal, a wealthy Dallas amateur and a group of the best pros ever assembled, including Doyle Brunson.

For six weeks we went back and forth because both sides were hoping to skew things in their favor. All parties were disappointed that it just couldn't seem to come together.

Andy Beal just phoned me and said he is ready to play on their terms. We are talking a match here where both sides put up $40,000,000 and play until one goes broke.

Full details will be available next week in Card Player and at CardPlayer.com.


Damn, this is both crazy and fascinating.

You can read Doyle's open letter to Andy in this post from last October.
Doyle Brunson responds

For those of you not-in-the-know, THE BIG GAME is a very rich man named Andy Beal taking turns playing The Corporation in the highest limit poker game on the planet. Linda over at Poker Works had some fantastic posts about The Big Game but they have since been removed.

Here's some background info about this incredible game:


See, Andy Beal is a brilliant man. He doesn't have a college degree, but he is the founder of a very large bank in Texas, the Beal Bank, that has well over $1 billion in assets. He owns ninety-nine percent of the bank. He isn't an engineer or an astrophysicist, but that didn't stop him from devising a plan to build his own rocket ship. He's not a mathematician, but using his bank's computers he discovered a mathematical problem that has become known as Beal's conjecture. Finding a proof or a counterexample to the conjecture has perplexed the great minds of applied mathematics for the past six years, even though Beal has offered a $100,000 prize to anyone who can solve the problem. He's kind of like Fermat, Einstein and Scrooge Mc. Duck all rolled into one slightly neurotic-looking headphone-wearing poker player. Like many brilliant men he has clearly decided that mastering Texas hold 'em presents the ultimate challenge.

Andy wanted to play ultra high limit poker to challenge himself against the best players in the world, my assumption being that he assumed the high limits would draw out the best players and also their best games. The only problem with this is that nobody has the kind of bankroll to risk in this kind of game. I am sure many of them have multi million dollar bankrolls but the swing in this game can easily be 5-10 million, a swing that could easily break the most successful of poker players. So a number of big and not so big names in poker got together a syndicate to form a bankroll to play with against Andy, sharing the risk and profits if any. The have been nicknamed the corporation. The players who bankroll the corporation also play against Andy, taking turns. Andy comes and goes, the big game is not regular. For example I understand that he played a few days last week and won 5 million. He will be back and it is likely that it could swing as much as ten million or more to one side or the other.

From what I have read it is hard to determine how much backing the corporation can come up with and how much money Andy is worth. For Andy I have seen numbers that vary from a couple hundred million to billions, so who knows, as for the corporation it is anybody’s guess. But I would speculate that the corporation has limits both in the amount of bankroll they can put together at anytime and the amount of risk they are willing to take that Andy can surpass or in other words Andy would play higher I think if they would. For me the most interesting part of all of this is the corporation. They have an edge on Andy to be sure, however, while I do not think anyone that is part of this will invest everything, there is a good chance that Andy could win enough from the corporation to make them insolvable. In other words, Andy with just luck could win enough from them where they get to the stop ruin point where it would be to high a risk to take Andy on at those limits compared to what they had left to invest. Andy will never be anything but even money with the players in the corporation. The closer he gets to being an even money player with them the more likely it becomes that with his virtually bottomless bankroll he could bust the corporation. It is high stakes drama at it's very best.


Warren Karp is reporting that Andy is up eight million against the corporation, as of last evening.

So why does Ted Forrest waste his time with these silly WSOP tournaments that pay only $300K ? That's only one reraise in the 100K/200K game.

Doyle, Jennifer, Chip, Ted, and usually one other are the pro's that make up the corporation. I think Todd Brunson and Howard Lederer, too.

Here is the PokerClan forum with some threads about the big game for those of you wanting to do some more reading. Damn, I wish Linda still had her posts up.
The Big Game

But her last post has some interesting stuff (per always) about dealing to the infamous Sam Grizzle.

And last, but certainly not least, I found this humorous open letter to Andy and the Corporation.


Subject: An open letter to Andy Beal and Doyle Brunson, Chip Reese, et al.

Dear Sirs,

With all due respect to Mr. Shulman, I would propose to you that I might facilitate your poker competition much better. It is with this in mind that I propose the following: that you hold the game in the garage-converted-to-den of my home in Conway, Arkansas. The game will be played on a foldout table top (casino style, not octogonal), placed on a folding table made right here in Conway by Virco Mfg. Co. The chairs are a comfortable, 1-inch padded set, complete with rolling casters for ease of movement (I acquired them rather handily from a state surplus auction, so they are of a quality consistent with the standards of the State Government of Arkansas).

You will compete with vinyl gaming chips (I do not know how many grams of weight they are), in 5 colors, which, for our purposes, will represent denominations of $10,000, $50,000, $100,000, $500,000, and $1 million. I will acquire 3 or 4 double-sets of Kem or Copag playing cards, although I must insist that I be reimbursed immediately for these upon the start of the competition.

I will ask Gary Phillips to deal for you, simply because he’s a good guy and I like him, and he’s not that far away (Tunica, Mississippi).

I will arrange accomodations at the Best Western hotel, located approximately 2 miles from my home (please designate smoking or non, when you respond), and will pick you up at the Little Rock, Arkansas airport in my ’98 Ford Explorer (with respect to Mr. Brunson’s age and condition, I’ll reserve "shotgun" for him).

For these services and amenities, I will extract a rake from each pot played of only 1/2 percent of the pot, capped at $2500; and, of course, all rights to play-by-play reporting, video recording, gallery admission fees, etc.

Please notify me as to whether or not you will bring cash money for the game (so that I may arrange security), or should I arrange a wire transfer to a holding account at my bank.

Please respond directly to my email, and not openly within this forum; as gambling is illegal in the state of Arkansas, and I would not want local authorities to be privvy to the proceedings.

Thank you,
Ken Roebuck

P.S.: If you find this arrangement unsuitable, and decide to hold your game in Las Vegas instead, then I must insist that you begin on May 28, 2005; as I will be in town that week, and the biggest poker game in history CANNOT take place with my witnessing it.

And some jackass had to immediately flame him, to which he took the wonderful high road response. Well done.


get a life you broke ass loser. douche bag. do you think you are funny?


After much deliberation, I have decided that you are not invited to the game.


"As I was reading your column on bad beats in online poker, I couldn't help but think of something my dad always tells me: Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice."
Chris to Jackpot Jay

First things first.

A reminder to everyone that the next official No-Limit WPBT tournament on Poker Stars, open to all, is in TWO days.

Details: This Wednesday, March 30th
$20 + $2 - No-Limit
Poker Stars - Private tournament tab
Password: thehammer

I'm back home after a full weekend of poker at the boat. I didn't think I'd be getting back this late, but Lord Almighty, it was hard to leave.

Plus, where else to spend Easter but in a poker room?
There was one helluva lotta praying going on.

I have stories to tell. Hell, I'm even thinking of heading down there for a week or two or three to play full-time. For research purposes, of course.

Yuppers, I turned down the job offer, for whatever that's worth. I guess I'm not so ready to give up my freedom, after all.

Anyway, Caesers in New Albany, across the river from Louisville, has completely rebuilt their poker room, expanding to 22 tables. GMoney insisted I make the trek with him since they removed ALL slots and video poker machines from the poker area. He knew how much I always Hated hearing the incessant 'ding ding ding' drone of those freaking machines upon walking into that room. My hair would literally rise on the back of my neck.

But all is forgiven now.

The games were incredible - extremely loose. Gambloors. Drunks. Sports bettors. Weekend recreational players. Hillbillies. And nobody ever mentioned the J2o UTG that had just scooped a massive pot.

Poetry in motion.

At one point, early on Saturday morning, our drunken table captain, a Don Johnson look-alike with big wavy hair, earrings and $10,000 watch, challenged me to shave my head that night with him if our table hit the 50k bad beat jackpot.

I agreed, so he had it written down on paper, signed and notarized.
I'm not kidding.
It was that kind of weekend.

I just woke up, after sleeping 15 straight hours. And I'm ready to go back, damnit. Or better yet, I shoulda gone to Vegas and hung with Pauly and company.

Let's do a lame Easter joke and random photo in lieu of an uber-post, shall we?

OK. Golf joke.

Jesus Christ and Saint Peter go out to play golf. Saint Peter steps up to the first tee. He's got the sharp designers vines. Even got a brand-new yellow Amana hat. (Amana sewed up a sponsorship deal long before anyone else, and Nike couldn't even get in the door.) Clubheads that gleam in the heavenly light like stars on sticks. Takes out a golden tee. Puts down a fresh Titleist Balata. Smacks it down the fairway for a clean 265, dead center. Ball sits in the green grass like a distant white diamond. Allows himself a little smirk as he steps out of the tee box. Listens carefully to hear if a cock is crowing.

Anyway, Jesus is up next. Old robe. Sawdust up to his elbows (somebody needed a coffee table finished that morning). Got a black rock tied to a cane pole. Got a range ball with a red stripe around its middle and a deep slice up one side. Hits the ball with the rock, and it goes straight up in the air. It is plucked away by a passing pileated woodpecker, which flaps off down the fairway toward the green. Stiff head wind blows up. Woodpecker begins to labor. Just over the front fringe of the green, woodpecker suffers a fatal heart attack. Drops the ball onto the back of a passing box turtle. Ball sticks. Turtle carries the ball toward the hole. At the lip of the cup, turtle sneezes.

Ball drops into the hole.
Saint Peter shakes his head.

"You gonna play golf?" he asks Jesus.
"Or you gonna fuck around?"

Is this blasphemous?
Is it?
Truly blasphemous?
And what would be the blasphemy?
What would it be?
The punch line? That Saint Peter is said to be using a curse word as regards his Lord and Savior?
No, ma'am. Sorry. Please consult Mathew 26:73-74.

And after a little while, they came that stood by, and they said to Peter, "Surely, thou art one of them, for even thy speech doth discover thee."
Then he began to curse and to swear that he knew not the man.
And immediately the cock crowed.

Peter was forgiven.

So what would be the blasphemy?
That our Lord and Savior would play golf?
The He would do anything within His admittedly considerable powers to win?

No ma'am. Sorry. I believe that Jesus would play to win. I would not want Jesus in a $1000 Nassau, not even with four shots to a side. I believe that Jesus would take my money. I believe that he would take it and give it to the poor, but I believe he would take it. I believe that Jesus would focus. I believe that His ball would not find the rough. I believe there would be sudden windstorms. I believe that He would find no water, but that if He did, He would walk out and knock one stiff from the middle of the pond.

Is this blasphemous?

Damn, I've so much to blog about. In fact, maybe I'll do a couple mini-posts over the next couple of days instead of an uber one. Mix things up a bit.

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